Hi Mighties,
Part 2 continuation
Just sharing a few pages
in this chapter: Metacognitive beliefs from a book I'm currently reading in the above title by 🇦🇺author Sarah Edelman.
For those of you who like journalling or apps, this may interest you to have a go
I shall give this exercise a go myself
#Anxiety #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder #Stress #Selfcare #MightyBookClub
8 reactions I've been misdiagnosed for most of my life because I am a black person. Every doctor I would consult with would either tell me I'm lying, overexaggerating to get attention, or that black people are supposed to feel this way so I shouldn't expect help or to get better. 4 years ago I met a student psychologist who believed me and I was diagnosed with #MajorDepressiveDisorder and #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder . Since then I've felt like a lab rat. Doctors pumping me with medication, throwing new diagnoses every other day, and then referring me to new doctors because they didn't want to help me anymore because medication and therapy isn't helping me get better. I'm from SA and in the black community here, mental health isn't recognised as a real illness. So when I finally had the courage to tell my family about my diagnosis, they said I wasn't praying enough, that this is my punishment for walking away from religion and that I wasn't working hard enough to be ok. I'm a student and at the beginning of this year my family cut me off financially because they felt my mental illness made me entitlement to not work hard enough at figuring out my life quickly enough. I was super lucky to finally reach one of my goals and make it into a PhD programme this year but my savings were depleted trying to stay in the programme. I'm the 1st person in my family to make it this far academically and specialise in 2 different engineering disciplines while working part-time throughout my studies, and they still felt I wasn't trying hard enough. My psychologist ghosted me at the beginning of the year and because I don't have the financial capacity or medical aid, I can't look for a new psychologist. I feel so alone. I've never been enough. I'm too black to have a mental illness, I'm too black to not have a mental illness, I'm too smart to have a mental illness, I'm too smart not to have a mental illness, I can't be mentally ill because I'm constantly joking around and trying to make people around me feel loved and comforted, I'm not sick enough to get certain medication, I'm too sick to get certain medication. I don't know how to trust people anymore. I'm exhausted from trying to keep it together and I just don't know if I can keep going like this. Over the past month, I've strugged so much with my depression, I haven't been able to get out of bed, let alone brush my teeth and shower, I'm lucky if I remember to eat and this caused me to lose a lot of weight. I have such bad brain fog I have completely missed all my school deadlines. I've been dissociating just to survive. All I've ever wanted is to feel loved, wanted and accepted. That's it. And now I feel so stupid writing this post. I feel like I'm complaining. Like I'm not grateful. I just want to crawl into a hole, close my eyes and never wake up. I've been crying all day, haven't been able to get out of bed for yet another day. I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere.
The last couple of days have been tough in terms of panic/anxiety attacks. Yesterday, I had a fairly mild (albeit strong for recent times) anxiety attack, and it happened when I was just going about my business, but I wasn't too anxious in the sense of my mind wasn't going into overdrive, I physically felt sweaty, my chest felt tight, but I also had my comfort items (fizzy water, crackers and my 'calm balm'), so whilst I was feeling it physically, I knew it would pass, and even though it made a little on edge for the rest of the day, it did pass and I could get on with my day.
Today was a different story. I didn't sleep much last night, but aside from that, I felt okay, my morning was fine, everything was just going along as normal, but around lunchtime, I started to feel nervous, but again I assumed it was just going to pass, and I left my apartment to do some more shopping (like I did yesterday) and go on a little walk to get my 10,000 steps if nothing else. I barely got out of my apartment, and the physical symptoms started, but I still felt 'in control', like it'll pass, it got worse. My ankles/limbs started to ache, my chest got tight, I felt light-headed, my eyes hurt, eventually started to feel nauseous, my breathing felt wrong. I've known panic and anxiety attacks for many years, but they are still just as terrifying.
Anyway, I felt like I had to force myself to do anything I needed to, in part because I have no time the rest of the week. I eventually got home without fainting, having a heart attack, vomiting, the usual panic attacks I and many others have, and whilst I feel pride that I managed to complete my tasks, I feel wiped out, physically and mentally.
I'm sorry if this sounded jumbled and rambley. (is that a word?)#Anxiety #panic #AnxietyAttack #PanicAttack #PanicDisorder #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder
I love Bailey more then life itself however having a break from being a mum 24/7 is heathy right!? Since having Bailey I class a break as having a hot bubble bath for more then 5 minutes, or having a hot cup of coffee without it being knocked of the side or out of my hand. As lovely as that sounds, this doesn’t happen very often. But you know what these things are not classed as a break, before having Bailey that was just my normal life.
Yes I know people will say “That’s what you get for having a baby” But no I completely disagree. I think it is totally normal to want a break away from being a mum and taking time to myself.
By me doing this it doesn’t mean I love Bailey any less, it means there is a healthy balance between taking time for myself and being a mummy.
Being able to have a hot bath, drinking a hot drink whilst it is actually hot, reading a few chapters of a book, painting my nails, doing my hair. There are just so many things I could do whilst taking a break.
Being able to take time to yourself is a really important, heathy part of parenthood. Please do not feel guilty for wanting a few minutes to yourself.
katiegloriaa.wordpress.com/2021/01/25/taking-a-healthy-break
#mummyblogger #Anxiety #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Mummyworries
#Depression #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder
#Anxiety #BingeEatingDisorder #ChronicPain
Well me and my fellow mental health patients in our little corner of north london have just lost our day services and I have to say for me it’s shock and something like grief
I have had bipolar for twenty years and it has been an isolative experience .
2019 I had a big mixed episode and was referred to our local day centre for the first time
I have sampled a wide selection of their offerings , in person and now online : singing I was not good at and I can’t concentrate to read so the book club was out
In the end I settled on art , creative writing and beginners guitar.
As time progressed I got to know the staff whom you can message any time and call Monday to Friday 9-5
I also acquired a volunteer befriender , someone to go for a coffee with and talk about all the aspects of my life I can’t share with my family
With that came a peer support group where I shared my experiences with fellow mental health patients our dreams our reality our week by week struggles
It has been an integral part of my life
And now it has to end
No more staff
No more groups
No more volunteer befriender
As there is no funding to be had
And in a way we are all a discreet victim of covid , because we have limped by getting funds until the pandemic now all healthcare finances are rightly going to make sure we all don’t succumb to this awful virus
I am remarkably resilient and am making enquiries into other avenues
Like online short non assessed courses
I am fortunate that I own my own guitar and have a book on creative writing prompts , plenty of art materials
But I wonder what happens when things are not so easy , when I don’t have a reason to get out of bed. When I don’t have a person in authority I can reach out to .
And I’m even getting feelings of paranoia , what if it’s just me and I said something wrong and my position in the groups is being terminated but everyone else is ok
In which case , what have I done wrong
I have PMDD, a menstrual physical and mental health problem.
The basics are 1st 2 weeks of cycle (follicular phase) are ok, I recognise my oestrogen or happy hormone.
Then 14 days in ovulation starts, no fertilisation and the Luteal phase begins, progesterone is released and I cascade in to a black hole of dysphoria.
Most women get PMS but their brain STILL recognises their progesterone so their symptoms are bareable.
With PMDD the brain/ garbage receptors do not recognise any hormone so you are just a drift in despair.
Just thought I'd share as it might help someone.
Also I have #BPD #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder and #PTSD
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I'm exhausted. I want a new brain. I'm so tired of this one.
I can only imagine how many people are suffering due to this pandemic. Every day has become a day of just surviving, getting through it just so you can wake up and do it all over again. I want you all to know that you're not alone. If nothing else we have each other, people who understand what you're going through. People who want to listen and won't judge.
My thoughts have never gone so fast, I've never needed distraction as much as I do now. It all keeps coming back to.. what's the point? Why do I even bother getting up in the morning? What is there to keep going for? I can't stop the cycle of just staring into space and wondering why I'm still even alive because, what's the point?
It doesn't help that no matter what happens there's still a stigma around mental health. Don't get me wrong, it's so soo much better than it was. But people still don't understand and the label still can bring a lot of prejudice.
I've been told various times that my chronic depression, generalised anxiety disorder, PTSD and OCD is just "all in my head" or "it's just a phase" or even "it's all a lie for attention or an excuse to get out of doing something".
Those people don't understand how hard it is each day just to keep going, to keep smiling and make everyone believe that you're this happy person when actually there's this big gaping black hole in your chest. No matter what you do, you can't fill and you feel as all of you is slowly being sucked into it until you're just a shell of a person. To have thoughts that attack you left, right and centre and tell you constantly that you're not worth anything, and everyone hates you, you're a disgusting human being, everyone talks about you behind their back and you've never fitted in anywhere and you never will. It's hard to stop getting dragged into that hole. It's just a constant battle every.single.day. and sometimes I'm just not strong enough to fight.
Sometimes it can feel as if you're being attacked by the people around you too. It's not a physical illness therefore it doesn't exist or it's exaggerated. It may not be physical but by God it can be sometimes. Having panic attacks so bad from out of nowhere that can last for half an hour, leaves you physically unable to do anything. It also causes so many after effects and drains you of all energy that you may have managed to muster up to get through the day. You can't tell me it's not physical after one of those.
So to all those people out there that believe it's just "all in your head".. I would never ever wish for anyone to feel the same way but sometimes it would be nice for you to feel just a tiny glimmer of it so you could understand. Just a minute to feel the same way, then we'll see whether you still believe that it's "all in your head".
Recently my BPD was triggered and while I’ve come back down from that it feels like it’s pushed me down further. I fee like I am in “stuck” mode where I just don’t know what to do with myself. Does anyone else ever feel like this? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder #PTSD
Hello.
So I lost all my life structure, all the reasons to get up and get going. I lost my job (just a once-a-week volunteer job but I loved it and it gave me somewhere to be and someone else needed me) and it’s not likely my job will ever be back for me to go to.
I also moved. I lived with others, in a sharehousing situation with extra special requirements. I had jobs in the home to do every day (it’s a home related/connected to the volunteer job I had) and now I no longer have those to do.
Losing both my job and my house duties at the same time was unpredictable and unfortunate timing. A double whammy.
I have two cats and a little dog. I love them, they keep me sane and alive. One cat has health issues that needs to be maintained every day. So she needs me. But in reality, she doesn’t need ‘me’. If I wasn’t around, someone else could take care of her. She loves me, but I’m not the only person that can take care of her.
I have thought of ways to return some structure to my days. I have of course thought of the usual ‘To Do List’ but I have rapid cycling Bipolar Type 2, so one moment I can be Captain Zippy McHypomania and be able to get things done. But in the same hour, I’ll be Ms Depressed Whatsthepointington and all ability to function, all motivation, all drive, even the ability think through a full sentence, disappears. It might come back, but no way to tell how long until it does.
If I write a ‘To Do List’ and Ms Whatsthepointington is in town, the list will not be completed by the end of the day and I will feel worse about myself and my abilities as a human and my existence on the planet. I am afraid that making something like that could actually have the opposite desired effect, and I really don’t want that.
So I am scared to try it.
Does anyone relate? Can anyone suggest ideas that might help?
#MentalHealth
#BipolarDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #regainingstructure #tipsforanxiety #tipsforstructure #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder #cantfunction
Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimised by your own bad memory due to mental illness?
The other day during a fight (that *might* have been made worse by sleep deprivation) I nearly called my new boyfriend by my ex's name.
I'm a writer and one day while writing and article, I couldn't rememver the work 'significant' for three hours. Just couldn't remember it.
And then there's things like I can't remember meeting people a month ago or their names, but I still remember that time my friend laughed at my hair in school when were 11. Like what is memory even?! #Depression #GeneralisedAnxietyDisorder #MentalHealth #PanicDisorder
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