hope

Sometimes the winds of change are less like a gentle breeze but rather, more of a hurricane. It’s been a hurricane week, in a good way.

It’s Friday morning here in Australia. Tuesday I saw my surgeon. He was very impressed with my recovery and said I can resume driving and once cleared by the physiotherapy team, I can start walking in small doses.

Wednesday I started outpatient rehabilitation. Fortunately the physio was one that treated me when I did inpatient rehabilitation. He too was very happy with my recovery that he said I could ditch the wheelchair and the walking frame. So yesterday I gladly returned the wheelchair and frame to the hire company and purchased crutches. I managed to drive myself to the store. Last night I was able to navigate the stairs to our bedroom. It’s been 11 weeks in the guest bedroom but not anymore.

The pain has increased with this new found freedom but that is not unexpected or a cause for concern. In 6 weeks time it is anticipated I will be able to walk normally.

It seems we turned the corner and hit the accelerator. Soon I will post some thoughts about this journey that I have been on since the accident that upended our world.

The encouragement from the wonderful community here in The Mighty has been so timely and generous. I am very grateful for you all.

I wonder why it is so hard for some people to cry? I don’t struggle to cry, if, I am watching an emotive movie, and I am 100% all alone, or I am at the very edge of my pain tolerance, but again, I must be all alone.

Perhaps it is our upbringing. Crying when I was growing up was forbidden and would normally invoke a warning of physical punishment if we didn’t stop crying, on demand.

Last night I realised I had forgotten to get my Wife to get a prescription filled for the nerve pain medication I am currently taking. The other pain meds I am don’t bring any relief when it is specifically nerve pain. As I tried to drift off to sleep last night everything within me was crying out, but no tears were forthcoming.

In examining myself last night I realised that the physical pain was seriously uncomfortable but that the emotional pain was compounding that physical pain too.

I was feeling lonely, frustrated that there are still so many things I can’t physically do.
I am tired of being so dependent on others for the majority of things I used to take for granted.

Tears would have been very welcome.

Do you struggle to cry?
Have you overcome your reticence to cry? If so how?

I believe that “real” men do cry. I don’t believe there is anything masculine about holding back tears at cost.

I just wish that truth would go from my head to my heart.

I hope this encourages you today!

I’m Em and I’m excited to join The Mighty in a time of coming to terms with my diagnosis of #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder this year. I was previously diagnosed with comorbidities of #ADHD #Anxiety #Insomnia and an #EatingDisorder (in remission form #AnorexiaNervosa for 10+ years). I’m studying my Masters in Psychology & Behavioural Sciences and am deep in my #DBT and #Sobriety journey, and am looking to connect with people and share my and read stories of those who are trying to accomplish some hard things (which is sometimes simply getting out of bed or, for us insomniacs, quieting the mind in order to sleep) with heavy diagnoses weighing on them. And above all, I’m trying to make sense of it all and find #Hope not just for me but for those battling along my side. 🧠 #MightyTogether