hope

For the first time in a very long time, I am starting to understand something important:

Life changes when you start finding your people.

Not the people you perform for. Not the people you constantly edit yourself around. Not the people who love you conditionally, as long as you stay quiet enough, calm enough, serious enough, small enough.

I mean the people who see the real you and don’t immediately reach for the dimmer switch.

Recently, I went hiking with someone I had just met. We spent the day chasing waterfalls, walking trails, talking, laughing, climbing over rocks, and admiring the kind of beauty that makes you feel tiny in the best possible way.

A few days later, while we were talking, I made a comment about how my ADHD medication had probably worn off during our hike.

If you have ADHD, you probably know the feeling. My volume slowly rises without me realizing it. I become more animated, more expressive, more visibly excited about everything around me.

For most of my life, that realization would have filled me with shame.

Because growing up, and honestly even as an adult, I was constantly told to tone it down.

Be quieter. Act more serious. Stop talking so much. Calm down. Don’t say weird things. Don’t get too excited. Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t be “too much.”

When you hear those messages long enough, especially as someone with ADHD, you start learning how to perform instead of simply existing.

You learn how to monitor your voice. Your body. Your facial expressions. Your enthusiasm. Your joy.

You become a social chameleon without even realizing it.

People talk a lot about “masking” in neurodivergent communities, but before I ever knew that word, I used to describe myself as someone who automatically adapted to whoever I was around. I didn’t even know I was doing it. It became survival. I learned how to edit myself in real time to make other people more comfortable.

So when I mentioned my medication wearing off during our adventure, I jokingly said that they probably noticed the difference.

And they responded so casually, so kindly, so naturally: “All I noticed was your love for waterfalls.”

I don’t think they realized how deeply that sentence hit me.

Because they didn’t describe me as annoying. Or loud. Or too hyper. Or too intense.

They saw my joy.

And maybe that sounds small to some people, but for me, it felt healing.

For one moment, I didn’t feel like someone people needed in smaller doses.

I felt safe. I felt unmasked. I felt accepted without needing to perform first.

That’s what finding your people starts to feel like.

I think many neurodivergent people spend years believing we are fundamentally “wrong,” when in reality, we may have simply been surrounded by people who only knew how to appreciate quieter streams.

But some of us were never streams.

Some of us were waterfalls.

Big feelings. Big excitement. Big curiosity. Big wonder. Big love for the things that make us feel alive.

And yes, waterfalls can be loud. They can take up space. They can overwhelm people who prefer stillness and control.

But they can also be breathtaking.

Lately, I’ve been trying to find my people by joining hiking groups and putting myself out into the world more. And honestly? It’s scary. When you’ve spent years masking, being fully yourself can feel incredibly vulnerable.

But little by little, I’m discovering something hopeful: There are people out there who do not want you smaller.

There are people who will see your enthusiasm as passion. Your intensity as sincerity. Your excitement as joy. Your differences as humanity.

People who will not make you feel like a problem to solve.

And if you are someone who still feels alone, who still feels misunderstood, who still feels like you have to constantly shrink yourself to be accepted, I want you to know this:

Your people exist.

Sometimes finding them happens slowly. Sometimes it happens on hiking trails. Sometimes it happens through hobbies, support groups, online communities, volunteering, classes, art, books, gaming, music, or shared interests.

But life really does begin changing when you stop asking, “How do I make myself easier to digest?” and start asking, “Where are the people who will let me flow naturally?”

Because waterfalls were never meant to apologize for making noise.

#ADHD #neurodivergent #audhd #unmasking #MentalHealth #latediagnosedadhd #findingyourpeople #belonging #Healing #Selfacceptance #traumahealing #invisibledisabilities #naturehealing #waterfalls #vulnerability #Hope

I cant imagine the anguish and fear that the disciples must have felt after the events of good Friday. Jesus had been killed in the most cruel and violent way. Their hopes and dreams were shattered. The plans they had had been shredded. Where do they go now?

Sometimes we can have our own Friday experience. And there seems to be no hope anywhere. But hang onto hope, because Sunday is coming. The pioneers of all the worlds major religion had this in common, they all died. And stayed that way. Christianity though is centred around the death AND resurrection of Jesus. Easter Sunday assures us we have a well founded expectation and hope. Happy Easter.

#Depression #Hope #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Anxiety #MentalHealth

This group is full of champions.

I watched a documentary this week about a family who believed their Dad walked out of their life when they were young children. They carried that wound for decades. A years ago their world was upended when the body of their father was found buried and police confirmed he had actually been murdered.

The true story is told of an alcoholic man who had two sons. One son became an out of control alcoholic as well. The other son never touched alcohol. When both were asked why they chose the paths they did they both gave the same answer, “What do you expect with a father like mine”.

For a long time I was angry and bitter with my parents. They were supposed to nurture their children and to some extent they did. However, my childhood was at times horrendous due to S.abuse and extreme violence including being burnt.

One day it hit me. I could continue to see myself as a victim and be trapped in a vicious cycle of anger and pain, or I could commit myself to doing what I could do to help others find healing and a better life.

It’s been a process. A long process. One where I have had to face some uncomfortable truths. I have also learnt many facts about my parents that have helped understand some of their life’s journey. Unfortunately all these facts surfaced after they both had died.

I learnt my Mum shot and killed my Grandfather to save the life of her Mum and an unborn baby. Her Dad was well known to police and she was never prosecuted for the killing. It was ruled self defence and the police were actually happy he was taken out.

My Dad was abandoned as a baby and was told his Mum died giving birth to him. A guilt he carried for decades. However when he was 50 he was notified his Mum had just died. For 50 years she had been in a psychiatric facility, why, nobody seems to know.

Getting past your past is not easy. It can be extremely painful and challenging. Choosing not to be a victim strips the power away from our abusers.

Over the years I have financed numerous charities and services here in Australia and overseas. Sometimes people on the receiving end will wax lyrical about my generosity. I appreciate their sentiments but the truth is I have chosen that life because it helps me heal.

Where are you in your journey of healing?

As we continue to visit The Philippines it’s been quite confronting and also very fulfilling. Yesterday we visited some families living in the slums of Davao. When we were here 3 years ago we established a program of support for these families and it was very emotional to go back and see how the children have grown and thrived.

We can’t help everyone. We can help some though and we must. We continue to explore micro industries we can fund to generate income for these families and give them control of their destiny.

The thing that never ceases to amaze me is how happy these people are. They know what matters. It’s not status or social media likes. Its relationships. It’s gratitude for everything. These people inspire and challenge me.

I am in an Uber heading to the airport. This morning I am flying to The Philippines. Normally I am very excited to go overseas. Today I am not. Yesterday I realised that I am quite anxious about this trip.

I tried to figure out why. It’s not the mess that the Middle East does is. That is a long way from The Philippines. It’s not where we are going. Manila is wonderful. We are also going to Davao which is somewhere the Australian government says we should only go if it’s absolutely necessary because of terrorist activity. The two terrorists who recently killed 15 people in Sydney trained in Davao.

I think it’s the fact that my body is still recovering. I need a crutch. I am still taking strong opioids for pain. And I think it’s lack of control. We are corralled onto a plane. We have to navigate immigration and customs.

This morning I realised what the true issue was. I have been thinking I am doing the trip on my own. My Wife is with me. I will be visiting prisons and other places. However, God is with me. We are not alone. He is already there and is with us now while we head to the airport.

We are never alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It’s 3 months since the accident that severely altered my plans. The accident happened at a cardio exercise class. For reasons no one knows a lady did a baseball slide while she running to me. She knocked my feet out from underneath me, I went up and over her and landed on a hard wood floor.

My right leg suffered multiple fractures and needed extensive bone grafts and nine screws inserted into the leg. I had a great surgeon who put the leg back together but it cost in excess of $10,000 for the treatment. Numerous people suggested I bring legal action against the lady for her reckless actions. I did consider that, but ultimately chose to forgive instead.

Now I am all for self advocacy. And in fact 3 years ago I did bring limited legal action against a hospital that misdiagnosed an injury. Their carelessness meant I was hours away from having a leg amputated and 24 hours away from dying due to sepsis.

A lawyer said I could and should sue the hospital and that a six figure payout would be guaranteed. Ultimately I didn’t sue the hospital. What I wanted to know was how could things go so wrong but more importantly what they would do to ensure it didn’t happen to anyone else.

Their investigation unearthed the fact that my treating doctor made multiple errors and attempted to cover it up be deleting my electronic record and shredding my paper file. For these reasons the doctor was sacked.

Wanting some good to come out of a traumatic experience I told the hospital if they would make a $5000 donation to an orphanage in Indonesia, that I am heavily involved in, I would not bring legal proceedings against them. They made the donation and I moved on.

Forgiveness does NOT mean what happened to us was ok and it does NOT minimise the trauma we experienced. It does mean we choose to forgo our desire for retribution.

I have forgiven the lady whose reckless actions shattered my leg and left me with a painful and slow journey back to health. I went down that path because I didn’t want the exercise classes shut down, they are free for our local community. I chose to forgive so that bitterness didn’t get planted in my heart.

It hasn’t been an easy decision but for me it’s the right one. I don’t want to recover physically but also mentally and emotionally.

Do you find forgiveness easy? I don’t. Yet, it is a great path to walk when we can.