hope

I watched a documentary this week about a family who believed their Dad walked out of their life when they were young children. They carried that wound for decades. A years ago their world was upended when the body of their father was found buried and police confirmed he had actually been murdered.

The true story is told of an alcoholic man who had two sons. One son became an out of control alcoholic as well. The other son never touched alcohol. When both were asked why they chose the paths they did they both gave the same answer, “What do you expect with a father like mine”.

For a long time I was angry and bitter with my parents. They were supposed to nurture their children and to some extent they did. However, my childhood was at times horrendous due to S.abuse and extreme violence including being burnt.

One day it hit me. I could continue to see myself as a victim and be trapped in a vicious cycle of anger and pain, or I could commit myself to doing what I could do to help others find healing and a better life.

It’s been a process. A long process. One where I have had to face some uncomfortable truths. I have also learnt many facts about my parents that have helped understand some of their life’s journey. Unfortunately all these facts surfaced after they both had died.

I learnt my Mum shot and killed my Grandfather to save the life of her Mum and an unborn baby. Her Dad was well known to police and she was never prosecuted for the killing. It was ruled self defence and the police were actually happy he was taken out.

My Dad was abandoned as a baby and was told his Mum died giving birth to him. A guilt he carried for decades. However when he was 50 he was notified his Mum had just died. For 50 years she had been in a psychiatric facility, why, nobody seems to know.

Getting past your past is not easy. It can be extremely painful and challenging. Choosing not to be a victim strips the power away from our abusers.

Over the years I have financed numerous charities and services here in Australia and overseas. Sometimes people on the receiving end will wax lyrical about my generosity. I appreciate their sentiments but the truth is I have chosen that life because it helps me heal.

Where are you in your journey of healing?

As we continue to visit The Philippines it’s been quite confronting and also very fulfilling. Yesterday we visited some families living in the slums of Davao. When we were here 3 years ago we established a program of support for these families and it was very emotional to go back and see how the children have grown and thrived.

We can’t help everyone. We can help some though and we must. We continue to explore micro industries we can fund to generate income for these families and give them control of their destiny.

The thing that never ceases to amaze me is how happy these people are. They know what matters. It’s not status or social media likes. Its relationships. It’s gratitude for everything. These people inspire and challenge me.

I am in an Uber heading to the airport. This morning I am flying to The Philippines. Normally I am very excited to go overseas. Today I am not. Yesterday I realised that I am quite anxious about this trip.

I tried to figure out why. It’s not the mess that the Middle East does is. That is a long way from The Philippines. It’s not where we are going. Manila is wonderful. We are also going to Davao which is somewhere the Australian government says we should only go if it’s absolutely necessary because of terrorist activity. The two terrorists who recently killed 15 people in Sydney trained in Davao.

I think it’s the fact that my body is still recovering. I need a crutch. I am still taking strong opioids for pain. And I think it’s lack of control. We are corralled onto a plane. We have to navigate immigration and customs.

This morning I realised what the true issue was. I have been thinking I am doing the trip on my own. My Wife is with me. I will be visiting prisons and other places. However, God is with me. We are not alone. He is already there and is with us now while we head to the airport.

We are never alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It’s 3 months since the accident that severely altered my plans. The accident happened at a cardio exercise class. For reasons no one knows a lady did a baseball slide while she running to me. She knocked my feet out from underneath me, I went up and over her and landed on a hard wood floor.

My right leg suffered multiple fractures and needed extensive bone grafts and nine screws inserted into the leg. I had a great surgeon who put the leg back together but it cost in excess of $10,000 for the treatment. Numerous people suggested I bring legal action against the lady for her reckless actions. I did consider that, but ultimately chose to forgive instead.

Now I am all for self advocacy. And in fact 3 years ago I did bring limited legal action against a hospital that misdiagnosed an injury. Their carelessness meant I was hours away from having a leg amputated and 24 hours away from dying due to sepsis.

A lawyer said I could and should sue the hospital and that a six figure payout would be guaranteed. Ultimately I didn’t sue the hospital. What I wanted to know was how could things go so wrong but more importantly what they would do to ensure it didn’t happen to anyone else.

Their investigation unearthed the fact that my treating doctor made multiple errors and attempted to cover it up be deleting my electronic record and shredding my paper file. For these reasons the doctor was sacked.

Wanting some good to come out of a traumatic experience I told the hospital if they would make a $5000 donation to an orphanage in Indonesia, that I am heavily involved in, I would not bring legal proceedings against them. They made the donation and I moved on.

Forgiveness does NOT mean what happened to us was ok and it does NOT minimise the trauma we experienced. It does mean we choose to forgo our desire for retribution.

I have forgiven the lady whose reckless actions shattered my leg and left me with a painful and slow journey back to health. I went down that path because I didn’t want the exercise classes shut down, they are free for our local community. I chose to forgive so that bitterness didn’t get planted in my heart.

It hasn’t been an easy decision but for me it’s the right one. I don’t want to recover physically but also mentally and emotionally.

Do you find forgiveness easy? I don’t. Yet, it is a great path to walk when we can.

Sometimes the winds of change are less like a gentle breeze but rather, more of a hurricane. It’s been a hurricane week, in a good way.

It’s Friday morning here in Australia. Tuesday I saw my surgeon. He was very impressed with my recovery and said I can resume driving and once cleared by the physiotherapy team, I can start walking in small doses.

Wednesday I started outpatient rehabilitation. Fortunately the physio was one that treated me when I did inpatient rehabilitation. He too was very happy with my recovery that he said I could ditch the wheelchair and the walking frame. So yesterday I gladly returned the wheelchair and frame to the hire company and purchased crutches. I managed to drive myself to the store. Last night I was able to navigate the stairs to our bedroom. It’s been 11 weeks in the guest bedroom but not anymore.

The pain has increased with this new found freedom but that is not unexpected or a cause for concern. In 6 weeks time it is anticipated I will be able to walk normally.

It seems we turned the corner and hit the accelerator. Soon I will post some thoughts about this journey that I have been on since the accident that upended our world.

The encouragement from the wonderful community here in The Mighty has been so timely and generous. I am very grateful for you all.

I wonder why it is so hard for some people to cry? I don’t struggle to cry, if, I am watching an emotive movie, and I am 100% all alone, or I am at the very edge of my pain tolerance, but again, I must be all alone.

Perhaps it is our upbringing. Crying when I was growing up was forbidden and would normally invoke a warning of physical punishment if we didn’t stop crying, on demand.

Last night I realised I had forgotten to get my Wife to get a prescription filled for the nerve pain medication I am currently taking. The other pain meds I am don’t bring any relief when it is specifically nerve pain. As I tried to drift off to sleep last night everything within me was crying out, but no tears were forthcoming.

In examining myself last night I realised that the physical pain was seriously uncomfortable but that the emotional pain was compounding that physical pain too.

I was feeling lonely, frustrated that there are still so many things I can’t physically do.
I am tired of being so dependent on others for the majority of things I used to take for granted.

Tears would have been very welcome.

Do you struggle to cry?
Have you overcome your reticence to cry? If so how?

I believe that “real” men do cry. I don’t believe there is anything masculine about holding back tears at cost.

I just wish that truth would go from my head to my heart.

I hope this encourages you today!