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Christ-like in a Self-Perfected Business World #Christianity #Servanthood #Selfcare #Selfdenial

I seek your thoughts. Believe it or not, this message stems from my conflicted soul that often flees to anxiety and fear when facing this dilemma on the “mission field” in which I have now been called.

My salvation occurred when I arrived at the end of myself. I…huge emphasis on this word I…had literally “did it MYYYYY WAYYYY.” But my way was NOT providing me life. After saying a prayer and asking if God and Jesus were “real,” I was miraculously set free by the King of Kings. And the following years, I worked with various ministry organizations.

However, my calling has shifted, I am now surrounded by Ivy League elites. And while here, I am constantly encouraged to elicit executives to submit proposals and share things I can honestly say, I dreamed about while serving the Lord as a missionary.

So much pump and circumstance occurs, as I am told by the “Ivies” how I…again, heavy emphasis on that one letter word…I need to “network and advertise MY potential.” Well, MY potential comes from conversing with my SAVIOR!!!

Thus, the juxtaposition of the internal self, often fueled by insecurity, must confront the redeemed spiritual self of being like Christ, the one who gave up his role to not only serve but die for others to have redemption. Sadly, I think the aspect of giving up ourselves is no longer a fashionable message discussed in the church circles I have encountered, of late.

But wait! Let me qualify this. I am not THAT spiritual. I don’t float around wearing a robe washing the feet of others with an extended smile across my face. Sadly, self-martyrdom is NOT an issue I must address, daily.

However, the realization of realizing how broken my life was, ANY success I now encounter is based SOLELY on the powerful act of redemption I encountered after asking the Lord God Almighty to rescue this soul. Mind you, this encounter happened at the tail end of the 70s Jesus Movement. As a testament of the work of Jesus in my life, I have lived through NUMEROUS miraculous unexpected and unexplainable events throughout my redeemed life; nearly 45 years!!!

So, I am now often taken aback when self-perfection is encouraged as a networking tool. And for what? Well, to make me a “more marketable” successful self-accomplished perfected contributor to society.

Any thoughts?

#ConflictedMind #salvation #redemption #Love

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Self Preservation

I have been in a significant decline over the past two or three years. I am constantly depressed and suffer from anxiety. I also have a limited support network and don't have anyone to confide in. I lost all my friends in such a short space of time; looking back on my life it is very difficult to imagine losing everything in less than two years. I was left with nothing but the support of my parents which I am very grateful for.

I had just turned 20 years old and had my whole life in front me. At that young age, I felt like I had already lived a lifetime. It is very difficult to come to terms with what happened and no matter how much I try to forget I am reminded of my past. I feel as though that short period of my life will haunt me forever and I am always chasing my tail trying to make up for it.

This is an exhausting process and leaves me feeling inadequate and empty. I have never really understood why I was so angry with the world. The only way I can describe how I was feeling at the time was trying to climb out of a bottomless pit and only slipping deeper and deeper until I could no longer see the hole I came in through. I also sought external gratification through any means available.

When I finally hit rock bottom and decided I needed to make a change, it was too late. Nobody was there to greet me or offer me a hand like I had expected. Everybody in my life had abandoned me and I was left to pick up the pieces and reflect on the self inflicted trail of destruction which had turned my life upside down. This period of my life was the most difficult but sub-consciously I told myself it would get better.

I re-assured myself that things could only get better. Things did improve but only ever so slightly. I would never be the optimistic confident and popular kid I once was. Instead I was a broken version of myself both internally and externally. My life was shattered and I was left to pick up the pieces.

One regret that I have was not trying to re-connect with old friends, my ego got in the way of putting my self out there as my reputation was tarnished beyond repair. My old friends no longer wanted to associate with me. I think this is what I struggle with the most not being able to let people in due to my fear of getting hurt.

I have always been a sensitive person and my emotions get the better of me. In my early thirties I seek connection and community with others although I feel there is a piece of me missing and I am forever trying to find it to make myself whole again. I still struggle to connect with people on a personal level as I have reservations and fears from my youth. #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Sadness #Guilt #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Shame #failure #redemption #Fear #clarity #Love #peace #Friends #relationship #Lettinggo #reuniting

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I wonder how I give myself redemption?

I carry such weight of the world on my shoulders. I’d like to offer back accountability to those who added or created traumatic events in my life so I can let myself off the hook #CPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #redemption

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#NationalPoetryDay #Truth #Poem MY TRUTH

I wrote this piece on the theme of truth. It's a story centred on themes of #ChildAbuse by a #childabusesurvivor . It's a story of #redemption through #childbirth and becomming a #mother . I hope you like it.

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#MentalHealth #Parent #Recovery #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #self #Family #Love