imtryingmybest

You are the only person who knows but why can you understand all my shortcomings. You don't have to beat me up just to make me understand. I know im aware im trying to help myself pls dont tell me that im not trying you dont have any idea how hard it is for me fighting each and everyday. If you dont want to hold my hand while im going thru it or dont want to help at all ill accept that and pls just dont add up, dont make me a punching bag, dont choke me just dont add to the pain dont be the reason why im acting crazy just like how you describe be me.

#JustAThought #imtryingmybest #Wantittostop

To say it’s been a bad week would be the understatement of the year... it’s been over a year since my non-epileptic seizures started, and today I nearly ended it all. I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I’m depressed. And I hurt deep into my bones. Yesterday, I had three really bad seizures - so I woke up already exhausted. I had a mild seizure today, and then accidentally knocked over one of my Mom’s Christmas decorations. It was the last straw. Emotion surged and tears filled my eyes.

I hate this so much. I hate the vulnerability. I hate the confusion. I hate the helplessness. And I hate having to rely on everyone for my wellbeing. I hate being stuck in this seemingly hopeless situation. I hate feeling like I can’t cry in front anyone, because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m weak and incapable of handling it.

After my parents helped me downstairs to my room, I cried into my pillow to muffle the noise. I didn’t want to cry in front of them. I didn’t want to try to explain. I didn’t want to hear platitudes. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, even in a well-meaning hug. I feel like one more thing is going to crack me wide open, and something bad is going to happen. Tonight, my parents are going to my brother-in-law’s hockey game and I’m staying home. The way I feel right now, being around other people wouldn’t be a good thing. I know bad days happen. I know some days I wanna jump off a cliff. Some days are simply place holders - to be ignored and done with as soon as possible. And I know not every day is horrible. But right now, I’m having a bad day. #BadDay #Mentallyandphysicallyexhausted #anger #Depression #ihatethis #imtryingmybest

Calls you names like “fat” or “put your shirt down no one wants to see your fat stomach” or even looks at you and says “ugh I don’t even know why I’m with you still”..😏 I’m trying my best to feel good about myself but whenever I do I just get shut down and straight depression mode😒 I know I’m not perfect, I know I have a mom body, I know I will never be like those models. But at least I’m trying to be confident in myself and trying to build myself up. I guess that saying is right “whatever kills you makes you stronger”😊💪 #Confidence #imtryingmybest #fuckyourwords #loveyourself

I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years. I take medication for them but sometimes it seems like not even it can battle with my mind.
I don’t want to die but I don’t want to keep living like this. I’m just so tired but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because I feel so much shame for my depression.
I feel so much shame that I wasn’t strong enough to stop myself from making my first cut in 2013. I’m 3 years self harm free but I still remember the feeling of how easy it was and how it made me feel numb to the pain in my mind.
I’m just so tired.

#Depression #Anxiety #Selfharm #Recovery #imtryingmybest #tiredoffighting