I’ve read some people talking about how Ketamine infusion impacted them in some weird ways, so I just thought I’d share what happened with me. I’ll write out my full experience in the future, but right now there are some things I’ve noticed different that I feel are good changes.
Since I had my infusion, and woke up for I did have a bout of sleepiness, I have noticed a decrease in impulsive feelings; my reactive (don’t think before I talk, say hurtful things) has decreased immensely also. Self harm and suicide are, at the moment, not an issue I am thinking of and that is a massive change from my normal chaotic, loud mind.
I also am able to make choices that are not out of trying to please others, which is MASSIVE to me. I struggle a lot with trying to convince someone they are the world, only to have mistrust and abusive words spewed at me. While I do not like myself anymore than I did before the Ketamine, I do seem to be more aware of what I do and do not deserve, and moreover I seem to be able to stand up for myself without feeling guilty, when I know I’ve truly done no wrong. This was impossible before, but somehow knowing that all I can do is speak truth and be the best person I can be; and then it’s up to the other to either trust or not trust, believe or not believe.
I have also noticed I have more hope for the future, not tremendous hope so I’m hoping as my upcoming infusions come and go I will be able to grasp what it is to truly believe in myself. But, the seed has been planted so to speak, and I feel that the future isn’t hopeless, and that maybe my dreams are not unattainable. I can see it, I hope I can achieve it and without so much
screaming in my mind perhaps I’ll be able to do more than I’ve done in years.
I’ll keep this post updated on that…
Though this was just my first infusion I have to say thus far I am so impressed. I don’t feel happy, but I do feel I can maintain without destroying myself. I am on a fine line, such as I know if I were to let someone who does nothing but talk down to around me it could break through this ketamine inspired defense. But, as noted, I am able to step away without guilt so long as I can honestly say in my heart I didn’t do the wrongs I’m accused of. To have the control back over my life, to know that I don’t have to feel guilty about turning away when I’ve done nothing but be honest in the face of hurtful, untrue and straight up mean accusations because I slept “too long”- knowing I can say no I don’t have to hurt myself by entertaining lies or mean words is so liberating. Don’t get me wrong, it still saddens me, but I at least have am certain I’ve done all I can.
And that is a lesson for life, I suppose.
When you do your best and you know you have done your best when...https : //othersideofthemoon.home.blog/2019/08/14/day-1-quick-look-at-differences-at-my-first-ketamine-infusion/ there is the rest of my rant lol #BPD