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Feeling Guilty for Feeling Not Right

So many people have so much less than I do. I have people who love me and want me to live. A beautiful family. I reported sexual harassment and tanked my dream career and finances, but I still have my family. So if I have so much, why do I feel so empty? What is wrong with me? Why do I have to be this way? Why have I always felt this way? #BingePosting #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MomGuilt #Selfharm #SurvivorsGuilt #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #killmenow


#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #LeaveMeAlone #Letmebe #ihatemyself #killmenow #PTSD I Don’t Enjoy This Either! ***TRIGGER WARNING***

I swear on all that is holy... If my husband asks me why I’m suicidal or why I’m like this... Or try to tell me that if I was happy with him, our life, our kids, our marriage, that I wouldn’t be suicidal and wouldn’t want to hurt myself... Or try to fix me like I’m a blown up motor... I’m going to lose the last of my very limited cool beans in me I have left, and walk right into oncoming traffic. Good thing I know he has good intentions behind it all, but holy bajeebers, not everything is about you. I’m just this way!

Quit asking me why! I don’t know! I’ve never known! And yes, “I don’t know” is too a real answer. And don’t ask me stupid questions like, “Is that why you had some of my knives in your safe?” You’ll get a stupid answer back like “Let’s be real. We both know your knives are too dull. I’d buy a new razor knife.”

And really... “You’re willing to give up an eternity in Heaven over being selfish and killing yourself? You’re willing to f*** up me and the girls that bad?” Yeah, just throw some salt on there. Rub it in while you’re at it.

He’s lucky he’s good looking and a better person than I deserve. I don’t deserve him. Or our kids. Or our life. Definitely not my own life.


Life is to much 😭😭😭😭

Not one person actually really likes me. Everytime somebody let's me talk to them about my problems on the phone I either get harassed or laughed at eventually 😭😭😭😭 I can't do it anymore I want to die right now 😭😭😭😭 my family won't even leave me alone with being horrible 😭😭😭😭 I am completely done at this point I can't do it anymore 😭😭😭😭 I do give up this time 😭😭😭😭 #Depression #Suicide #SuicidalIdeation #killmenow


My anxiety is hurting me

I don't know why, but the stress and anxiety that I have has gotten to the point that I've developed a tic in my face, and whenever I try to focus or read I can't process the words or put them together, and also my vision will occasionally go blurry for 30ish seconds.
Whoop dee do. This is fun.
Also my mother is concerned about all the meds I'm taking, and honestly I'm sick of taking a cocktail of depression, anxiety, crohn's mood, and more meds. Yay?

#Depression#Anxiety#CrohnsDisease#MoodDisorders#ObsessiveCompulsivePersonalityDisorder#medications #tic#killmenow