i’ve been in a /state/ for the past few weeks and it’s taken a toll on every aspect of my life. it’s so horrible to feel this way.
last night i was so close to giving in, spent my entire day walking around like a ticking time bomb.
right now it just feels like a battlefield in my head and in my heart, having to hold myself back from giving in to the suicidal thoughts that cross my mind at every turn.
it’s like i’m subconsciously taking a step closer to the end every single second or with every decision i make. i’m so exhausted. does any of this make sense?
tried talking to people about it but no one can ever say the right words- what even are the right words? i don’t even know. everything just feels WRONG.
i’m terrified and i’m exhausted.
i’ve been here before, i’ve felt this way before! i’ve hit rock-fucking-bottom before. except now i just don’t think i wanna get back up anymore.
there’s so much weight to bear and i want to let go. but if i let go, there will just be more weight. i’ll just hurt people more than i am now. i’m stuck in this fucking spiral.
as selfish and horrid as it may sound to wish it upon someone, i just want someone to feel the way i do, to feel everything the way i do; so they understand.
instead of being isolated like this.
i’m in so much pain and i feel so much hurt, i just want it all to stop.
i wanna go home to something that will bear the weight with me, even for just a second. i’m so tired, i always end up here no matter how much ‘better’ i get. #Depression #BipolarDisorder
#Anxiety #PTSD #iwanttogiveup #isanyonethere