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Pills That Can Be Hard To Swallow

I just finished a Teleheath Zoom appointment with my psychiatrist not too long ago, and there was a lot of hard pills to swallow. Learning how to accept change has been the biggest pill to swallow. Accepting the change in my physical body as well as my emotions behind it all. I have learned that I need to be more selfish with myself. I've been waiting to please others again and that isn't helping me whatsoever. I've been wanting others to accept me yet I have forgotten to accept myself. Again biggest pill to swallow. Admitting that I am not ok, I can admit is getting better. I may not vocalize it to others as much but I am making sure to vocalize to myself. Really say it out loud so I can really take in what I am saying and let it sink in. Asking for help is the next to biggest pill to swallow. I've gotten so accustomed to doing things and fixing everyone else's mistakes that I feel as though I can handle everything on my own. I have to ask for help and be ok with asking. I have to get out of my feelings about asking for help when I need it. There are some people in my life that truly want to help and I have to let them in to do so. As I learn more about myself during this pandemic and being quarantine, I am realizing that this is nature to feel the way I do. Even though the pills are hard to swallow, they are what is helping me to be a better person for myself first and then for others. Keep fighting!

Ana 💪🏾🦓❤♿

#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #EmotionalHealth #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression ##Blackdisabledlifematters #blacklivesmatter #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #keepfighting #lifeonwheels #WheelchairUser

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How you doing?!

May is always Mental Health Awareness Month! How are you doing mental with all that is going on? What are your thoughts, emotions and feelings telling you?! Mental Health Check is really important for everyone including your strong friends and family that you may think or feel are good! You won't know unless you ask! Suicide and murder-suicide rates are rising drastically and we must continue to have the conversation about this subject. How am I feeling today mental?! I can admit I am feeling sadness. The sadness for me is accepting my new normal in life with my ♿. I'm grieving the person who could run, jump, climb trees and just play with my son at the park. I'm grieving the woman that didn't need assistance with going to the restroom or showering. It is a new way of living that I have to get used to. I know that this will take some time for me but I am making sure not to rush through these feelings and emotions. I am grateful for the life I've had before this and I am even more grateful for the life I have now. Accepting is just hard. I know God is always with me and my testimony is out there for others to know that despite your disabilities that you still matter, loved and can move mountains. To anyone going through a life changing experience, just know your purpose isn't over but it is just beginning! #MentalHealthAwareness #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #lifeonwheels #Wheelchairlife

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In my thoughts

Today a lot of emotions hit me. On Monday I celebrated my 39th birthday, and it was amazing! I really had a great day. Today is a different story emotionally. I miss my best friend a lot. She has been on my mind so much these past few days. I know that if she was still here, we would be partying it up! Life feels so weird without her. The grieving process I feel never stops. Also today more emotions surface about my new life being in a wheelchair. I've been accepting more and more each day that this is my new normal, yet I miss my old life of walking and running around with my children and grandson. I miss being able to jump and go hiking. I miss being able to dance and not worry about if I'm going to fall or dislocate. This self isolation that we have going on has a lot of emotions and feelings surface. Some things I knew I was suppressing but also emotions and feelings that I thought I let go, yet I haven't fully cut the cord. Accepting and adjusting to being is my wheelchair is a daily lesson for me. As a Taurus, we don't like change to much. I realize that changes happen and it is OK to have anxiety about it. If I didn't I wouldn't be human. I do understand that changes are good even when you may not see it at the moment. I am learning to love this new person. I am learning to have a connection with my wheelchair and appreciate that it is helping my quality of life. It is apart of me and my new normal so I must be patient with myself when it comes to accepting. I wouldn't trade my life for the world though. I know that there is work to do when it comes to my feelings and overcoming my fears and anxiety but I am willing to do the work. It isn't easy and I know more will surface and the lessons comes with healing. So right now I need to release and let go. No matter how hard it maybe, I know that everything happens for a reason. Keep fighting!

Ana 🦓♿💪

#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #feelings #Awareness #EDSAwareness #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Happybirthday #lifeonwheels #keepfighting #zebrastrong

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Surviving Covid-19

I am battling right now. I don't know what and how to feel. I haven't really shared my experience here but I did test positive for Covid-19 back in March. My son and I woke up with a fever. We went to the Urgent Care. We was told not to get out of the car. Our temperatures were checked, and then the nurse asked for my contact info so the nurse inside can call me to verify information and insurance. A Nurse Practitioner came to the car, checked our vitals and told us that we should self isolate immediately. She gave my son an exuse for school. He is homeschooled but it is a Cyber Academy and they still follow the state laws when it comes to excused and unexcused absences. We got home and did just that. I was also told to give him and myself Tylenol for the fever and cough syrup for the cough I had. My son did not have a cough. Two days later my husband had to take me to the hospital because I was having asthma attacks back to back. Once there in the ER, my family couldn't be there with me so they had to wait in the car. By that time my son wasn't having fevers anymore. I was having all the symptoms from chills, fevers, vomiting and I was having uncontrollable diarrhea along with the asthma attacks. I was tested for cold and strep throat first and then given a breathing treatment. Even though the state was limited and could only test if you are admitted, this nurse I had put her job on the line after reading my history and tested me for Covid-19. She told me the test would take a 5 to 7 business days to come back and wait for the Health Department to call me. I got the call about 4 days later that it was positive. So I made sure to isolate which was hard as a homeschool mom but we made it work. I am feeling a lot better physically except for losing my sense of smell. It is still lost and I don't like it at all. 😭 Watching the news and being on social media sites like Instagram and Facebook was only triggering my mental health. I still feel like I am rapidly cycling a lot with my thoughts. I feel so much sadness because so many people have lost their lives to this deadly virus and yet I survived!! I am grateful to have survived don't get me wrong but I have like a survivor's remorse in a way. I know this could have taken me out for sure. It just have me so in my head and confused. So I am here just writing and spilling my soul even if it doesn't makes sense. Does anything makes sense anymore!? I don't know but I know I had to get this out.... keep fighting! #COVID19 #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #MentalHealth #EmotionalHealth #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #lifeonwheels #BipolarDepression #EDSAwareness #BipolarDisorder #PanicAttack #InvisibleDisability

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Got My New Wheels

I ordered my new custom wheelchair from 1800-Wheelchair last month! I recieved it on Tuesday morning!!! This would not have been possible without the donations from GoFundMe! I am getting my confidence back and it feels good! Keep fighting!

Ana 🦓💪🏾♿🙏🏾💚 #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #EDSAwareness #WheelchairUser #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Dystonia #lifeonwheels#quickiewheelchairs #sunrisemedical

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You got this!

Today may not be your day but you know what... you are still here! So whatever you are doing today, whether at work, home, hospital, etc... Do it with a smile and the confidence of a 4 year old in a Batman t-shirt! I'm proud of you! Keep fighting!!!

Ana 🦓💪🏾🤟🏾♿ #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #EDSAwareness #Selfconfidence #YouGotThis #keepfighting #lifeonwheels #WheelchairUsers

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I'm not difficult just passionate about my health

My last ER visit inspired this blog. It is interesting to me how advocating and educating yourself on your illness, considers you to be a difficult patient. I have come to realize that doctors are intimidated by a patient like me that don't just sit around and "woe is me" mentality. I don't just rely on their expertise nor do I always take their advice so then I'm combative, not cooperative and difficult patient. No one deserves to feel that way. I would think a doctor would be ecstatic that you are doing your own homework and research on how you can live a peaceful life at least, but no... I get the "I know too much" or "why are you here if you know what to do" it makes someone like me not want to go to the hospital. I've told my husband several times don't take me unless I have stopped breathing at this point. Why keep going through the humiliation?! It doesn't just happen to the chronically illness community, it happens big time to POC. I can't keep being quiet about it. I know my purpose is to advocate not just for the sick but all people and women. POC and women I see are mainly affecting by this so when will this end?! Any doctors that are reading this blog post right now, please don't think we are trying to tell you your job. We know our bodies more than anything and because of my awareness doesn't mean I should be treated inhumanely at times. Taking an oath also mean respecting your fellow man no matter race, creed and or religion, so please honor the oath. Keep fighting!! You matter!!

Ana 🦓💪🏾💖♿ #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Dystonia #lifeonwheels #LifeofanEDSerwomanofcolor #Advocacy #RareDiseases #EDSAwareness #Depression #Anxiety #fightforyourrightswhenyouhavethefighttodoso