advocacy

It’s been hell, literally, inside my body as I’ve been burning from the inside out for just over half my life now.

For nearly 16 years I was brushed off as a liar, a psychosomatic case, an anxious or depressed individual, that I’m too young and must be making up my symptoms.

What could amyome possibly have to gain by faking their illness?

To me, I lost everything! I had to change my career right after I graduated. I had been bedridden for 8 out of 15 years. I had a small child and was a single parent who didn’t have family to help.

I’d seen over 100 doctors in the last decade alone. Most of them say, “you’re a young woman of child bearing age, it’s obviously just anxiety.”

We’ve gone through the diagnostic odyssey of Lyme (equivocal), EBV (reactivated) which took 5 years of my life, genetic testing, doctors did all the same ANA and CMP and thyroid tests over, and over, and over again and they were almost always within normal limits.

I’ve been told I just needed to excersize more despite my intolerance to it due to POTS, frequent falls and constant dizziness with syncope. My heart rate jumps 100 points on almost a daily basis.

I’ve been told it’s all in my head by Mayo Clinic who refused a formal written request for further testing, even after they diagnosed me with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and confirmed Medullary Sponge Kidney Disease.

I found out that due to this autonomic dysfunction, I have a second degree heart block which has been symptomatic at rest and when standing. My heart randomly decides to reset which is on a whole other level of scary. My heart rate gets down to the 30s and up in the 190s.

Finally, I pushed for a different type of testing with a new neurological specialist. The golden standard of a biopsy for small fiber neuropathy.

Then took the results to a neuromuscular specialist and said what’s causing this? They took my blood and sent in for a WASHU panel and after patiently waiting 6-8 weeks it came back positive for two antibodies.

My TS-HDS was 80,000 and my Histone H3 was 2,100.

TS-HDS is an autoimmune heparin antibody and depending on the person it can have very different effects and bind to the blood vessels and even parts of the autonomic nervous system. It gets activated by anything that can set off the immune system. Childhood sicknesses make me bedridden for a week without a warning or even a sniffle.

Histone H3 is an antibody related to an ataxic gait syndrome that normally affects those ages 65+. Now I know why I have such difficulty walking. It’s so bad that I have opted for a power wheelchair that I use now because I move like a sloth and it’s painful.

It’s given my back my mobility in a way I never thought I’d have again. But honestly; the best part is validation.

I finally have answers and proof that this is very real and not just anxiety. Sure, I had some anxiety in not knowing what was wrong. Any person who cares about their daily functional capacity being reduced with no answers would, in my opinion.

But this is different, this is on paper and real. I’m currently waiting for insurance approval for IVIG therapy. The neuromuscular doctor thinks it may help.

I wanted to share my story because it’s been hell. Physically and mentally. It’s draining and exhausting when you’re already exhausted. I know it. I’ve been there. I’m still there.

You have to be your own advocate. You can research potential conditions and request that your doctor rule them out.

Just know, that there is hope. One day you will get answers so don’t give up, please, hang in there. They say there has to be a storm before the rainbow appears.

#AutoimmuneAutonomicNeuropathy #SmallFiberNeuropathy #autoimmune #Advocacy #AutonomicDysfunction #Heartblock #EhlersDanlosSyndrome

I loved this site when I first struggled with mental health challenges at age 12 - very excited to return at age 20 as a disability advocate!

#Disability #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Advocacy

I have been so fed up this term with starting practicum and still being in grad school and all these microaggressions happening with my supervisor and professors and how much SHAME I've been feeling for the ways in which my body cannot "keep up" or needs accommodations to work around ableist constructs of what it means to "show up" in the role of the therapist. There is nothing wrong with having a disabled body or having certain limitations...there IS something wrong with a field built on helping people, on not supporting access and space for all types of embodied experiences as therapists! We need more disabled therapists...we need more chronically ill therapists...and just because our reliability and consistency shows up differently than an ableist notion of these same constructs does not mean that we are not reliable or consistent or not meant for this work! Thats bs...Im so tired of having to feel like I need to hide parts of myself in order to sit in the "seat" of the therapist...and this also coming from somatic psychology that emphasizes the importance of the body?!...I CANT smh...there is a such need for more disabled therapists, and if that means also continuing to actively challenging the ableism that is drenched in the field of psychotherapy...well Ill keep using my final papers for that lol....I could go on and on and my brain is just spooned out and my own mini flare happening at the same time so I will end here...