lifesaver

I’ve been so full of anxiety lately that I’m starting to develop agoraphobia. All I can say is thank God for pharmacies that deliver! 👏👏👏 #deliverymeds
#lifesaver
#Agoraphobia

Hi Sir
I think of you so often.
Nearly every single day
When my feet hit the carpet
every morning to start my day
I remember waking up
A full two days before we met
Not knowing a simple procedure
Could try and steal my breath
The masked dreamland I was in
Would shortly come to an end
I can still remember the horrible pain
When I first tried to move
The lightning coursing through my veins
When the ultrasound probe dug in
When they say it hurts due to inflammation
As my pulse grew very quick
Within a day I realized
That I was more than sick
My GI doctor took my hand
And called you to come quick
My pain was growing oddly numb
With every IV miss
The CT scan with contrast
Showed what the Ultrasound had missed
I hope you didn’t mind my mom that night
I heard her screaming in the hall
I felt the needle in my neck
Despite the nurses attempt to calm
I was not fully asleep yet when
I heard them talking in the corner
That I might not make it through
Sorry but I am tired
I think I need to sleep
My eyes are heavy
I am slurring my words
I am going to fall asleep
Doctor Please I beg you
Please save me OK?
Hi nurse, I think I’m waking up
Four hours had passed not one
Momma, why are you in pajamas now?
I fell asleep under bright lights like the sun
Momma hi I’m scared, what happened?
Why two IVs, not one?
Momma, I’m still really tired
Please tell me I’m OK now
And that I can go back to sleep.
Hi sir, I do not know you.
Please tell me who you are
Are you the one that saved my life
And left me without a scar
HI sir with every breath I take
With every pump of blood
With every day, I hope to be
A hero like you are
Hi sir, how are you so humble
I can’t thank you enough in words
Hi sir, I do not know your name
But I know exactly who you are

I want to give something to my therapist for Christmas... nothing big. Something to let her know that I really appreciate all the work we have done together. I’ve been seeing her for over a year. Is it okay that I write her a letter ?!! Does it help that I am 16 or no 😖
#MajorDepressiveDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #lifesaver #ADHD #Anxiety #PanicAttack

I’m so happy I got this life saving surgery! I was dying and now I feel so alive again, I truly love my ileostomy! #UlcerativeColitis #Ileostomy #lifesaver

Someone who means the world to me recently had a heart attack but the doctors were able to save him just in time. I found out later that day. And he told me he would keep checking in when he was conscious so I would know he was ok. The next day I did not hear from him at all and ended up reaching out to his family to see if he was ok. They refused to talk to me, making me believe he was dead. The bottom just dropped out and I screamed and cried and vomited and screamed some more. Very late that night, once I had started to come to terms with the fact that I had lost the person who had saved my life over and over again, he contacted me telling me he was alive. The bottom dropped out again. I screamed and cried again out of joy and relief. But almost two weeks later I am still reeling. I got home from college on Wednesday and have seen him everyday since but am still struggling. I can’t describe what it feels like because I can’t even begin to comprehend it. He was dead then he was alive then he was dead again and now he’s alive. A hug from him feels so so good. And hearing his voice and seeing him I know he’s real and alive. Or I should. But I don’t. Because I can’t trust my own brain for anything else so I have no idea if I completely lost it the moment I found out he was gone and I am now in a coma just trying to imagine things are ok. Or if he’s a ghost and everyone around me is humoring me and I’m actually just crazy. When my sister was killed when o was younger, I saw her for years. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m terrified to sleep at night because I don’t know if he’ll still be there when I wake up.

When I got my first dog, Mario - a shi-poo, my dad was forced into early retirement. This was not something he wanted nor looked forward to at the time. Mario was a pup, at the time, and needed constant care and training. I felt badly that I had left this burden on my parents so I decided to leave him at home one day and I would drive home on my lunch hour to let him out. As soon as my mom woke up to find that I did not drop off the dog, she called me at my office. That conversation ended in my mom driving to my house to pick up Mario. My mom told me that my dad looked forward to having him around every day and the rest is history. I am convinced, to this day, that my dad was entering into a depressive state and if my little Mario had not have joined our family - my dad would have been medicated. Mario is not only my dad's namesake, he's given my dad purpose and unconditional love and attention. Animals are amazing and I will never understand how anyone can harm these living creatures.
#MightyPets

This is a poem I wrote about the guy I am in love with. We are not together and he doesn't know about my feelings, but he's my best friend and is the reason I keep fighting. I've always been terrible at writing poems, but I want to share this one about what finding the perfect person is like when you suffer from depression..

life is like being washed down a fast flowing river, unable to stop yourself.

he's like a rock that catches you and saves your life.

loving him is being okay with the river running fast because you know you're safe. even if you start to drown, he'll stop you from being swept away or going under.

#Love #Depression #depressionandlove #Drowning #soulmate #theone #lifesaver