Agoraphobia

Hi!

I used to post a lot on here and I’ve been pretty quiet lately. I have had a lot of things happen recently that made my life feel a lot more stable and I hope they continue.

I’m seeing a really good trauma-informed therapist who does IFS and EMDR. I have a new psychiatrist who listens, believes me, and is very supportive. We are trying new combinations of medications to help me manage my symptoms. I am starting art therapy. I also go to an art center where I attend groups, which helps me feel social and helps me occupy my time in a healthy way. I am being seen for ovarian cysts which randomly happen. I have a neurologist appointment in October. I also am being tested for POTS in a month and a half; which I never even thought to bring up, especially when I couldn’t get my basic needs met for years. I even have a dentist appointment!

Things are finally starting to get on a track but, of course, I’m still terrified I will end up without support again. Last night, I had a really vivid nightmare I was homeless again last night and that I was trying to get help but no one would help me get connected to resources or support.

I’m hoping things continue to trend upwards and I continue to feel safe and remain in a place where I am supported.

Thanks for reading ❤️

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Migraine #PanicDisorder #Agoraphobia #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe

Recently I felt offended, trampled on.
It was the new job I got, and well, I had never worked before and I don't know how some things are done.
The manager made me do something I didn't know how to do and even worse, the work he made me do had to be done quickly so that the people who had to finish it wouldn't be late.
Honestly, it was taking me a long time and everyone around me was looking at me, soon they started laughing and making fun that I couldn't. My nerves betrayed me so much to the point of sweating too much, my top started to get wet and that made them make fun of how I looked even more.
I felt so stupid and embarrassed, I wanted to cry right away, I was angry, embarrassed, sad, worried, nervous, but I didn't cry right away, I held it together until I got home during the break.
Although after the break they started teasing and laughing so hard again.
On the way home I realized that one of the boys who were making fun of me followed me but without attacking. I left that place so traumatized that I even swore that everyone was pointing at me and talking about me, people I didn't know. #Agoraphobia #Anxiety
The saddest thing was that now even though a few days have passed, even when I go out into the street I feel like people is making fun of me.

Now I just need some advice from someone who has social anxiety and has had panic attacks or anxiety attacks.

The most common targets for social abuse are highly sensitive and emotionally intelligent people who are naturally inclined to behave like humanists. Those with less social power or influence are also likely targets. If you live in a home where abuse is prevalent, you can expect your health to decline and your self-conception to suffer. Being constantly told that you are the problem for reacting to abuse in emotionally intelligent and physically appropriate ways tends to cause a victim's self-identity to suffer. If you are unsure whether you are over-reacting to abuse or if you are justified in being upset when you are being mistreated, lied to, conned, cheated on, beaten, sexually assaulted, threatened, etc., you may already be experiencing symptoms of extreme Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). You could be developing a form of Stockholm Syndrome based on trauma bonding with your abuser. When a trauma bond forms, the biology of the human form tends to do a couple of things. If you are healthy and sane, you will tend to trust your own eyes and ears as well as your own sanity.

Suppose you catch your partner cheating but they end up blaming you? Or an enabler tries to convince you that your abuser loves you in their own way? Or if they tell you that the beating you're enduring is for your own good? If you believe them, you are likely to be living with adrenal fatigue and heightened forms of pervasive social anxiety. The relationship between anxiety and narcissistic abuse is real. Here is a list of anxiety disorders that are related to narcissistic abuse:

1. Agoraphobia: This is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless, or embarrassed.
2. Anxiety disorder due to a medical condition: This includes symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are directly caused by a physical health problem.
3. Generalized anxiety disorder: This includes persistent and excessive anxiety and worries about activities or events, often occurring along with other anxiety disorders or depression.
4. Panic disorder: This involves repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks).
5. Selective mutism: This is the consistent failure of children to speak in certain situations, such as school, which can interfere with school, work, and social functioning.
6. Separation anxiety disorder: This is a childhood disorder characterized by excessive anxiety related to separation from parents or others with parental roles.
7. Social anxiety disorder (social phobia): This involves high levels of anxiety, fear, and avoidance of social situations due to feelings of embarrassment, self-consciousness, and concern about being judged or viewed negatively by others.

Today I wanted to practice leaving the house because my sister is visiting tomorrow to use the pool where we live. It’s about half a mile walk, I can’t get into a car so me and my mom walked, once we were half way there I started to panic ; “what if the keys to get into the pool where there is a bathroom won’t open” “I can’t make it back”. I made it to the pool and went straight the the bathroom where I checked my heart rate to be 169. My mom said I should be proud that I made it that far even though I had to run the bathroom but I’m humiliated and filled with self hatred that I’m living like this. I don’t think I’ll be going to the pool again tomorrow, I don’t want a repeat of this it’s a shame I won’t spend one on one time with my sister but I’m terrified of my panic attacks #Agoraphobia

I am a recovering addict with CPTSD and GAD. I've been on Clozapam since 2008. I changed to a self pay Psychiatrist because the non profit that accepts Medicaid got new managers who began trying to phase out controlled substances with patients. The 0.5 milligrams of Clozapam is and has been the only medication that has ever helped.
The new Psychiatrist prescribed me Abilify. I do not have a history of Schizophrenia, ADHD, Autism or Depression. And I do not like talking mood altering substances any more than necessary. My Clozapam use in the NA community is controversial if they do not understand CPTSD.
So I took the Abilify for three days. I was high, I had hardly any impulse control, aggressive. High energy so very productive lol. Anxiety was high but it felt numb. Panic attack each day. I've read ( only on Google) so you know how that can be. All I can about this drug as well as Serotonin and dopamine levels ect ect.
I can't decide if I want to keep taking this. If I should wait until the drug levels out. I feel frustrated the only taking Clozapam isn't good enough for the doctors. I've thought about lying and telling them I'm taking the Ability but that's just not me. And to me that's addict behavior just to keep my Clozapam script. Clozapam helps control my anxiety and panic attacks, sleep, agoraphobia. It's not a fix all. I still have to practice coping skills and mindfulness. But I'm not drugged.
I don't know what decision to make. I'm scared to tell this to my new Dr as I don't know her well enough yet. Any advice is appreciated.
Thank you.

My life was going well I remember I was on a date with a guy and I started to have a panic attack because his car alarm was going off but wouldn’t turn off while we were in the car. And the anxiety of that made me have to go to the bathroom but the place we were at didn’t have a bathroom so I was thinking “oh I’m gonna shit myself on this date”. He drove me to the nearest CVS and I went to the bathroom and so did my panic attack but it wasn’t the last time I was gonna deal with that . November I got my first job out of college and every time the my supervisor had to talk to me or train me I had to run to the bathroom, I was freaking out. Also I spent every morning panicking to get into the car, I was so scared. I quit my job a month later and thought my panic attacks would be gone but they got worse. I couldn’t see friends, doctors , my baby nephew. So I’ve been living at home since November without leaving the house, I had to leave the house last week and it took me 1h and 20mins to get in the car. I just wanna find a community of people who have panic attacks and are unable to leave their house so I can talk to them and understand how they got through their panic attacks or just to have someone to talk to. #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #MentalHealth

I have a unique fear of riding in cars. I feel isolated bc I feel no one else has this. I did get into an accident which caused PTSD but it began way earlier than that. I used to be agoraphobic but now I am getting out, but I struggle to go anywhere without my mom driving me. I get anxious with anyone else and my breathing gets weird and my muscles tense up. It’s a horrible feeling and to struggle with this alone is so difficult ☹️ #Agoraphobia #PTSD