Mania

Hi,

I've struggled for as far back as I can remember with my mental health. I know where it stems from, I know the traumatic event that set the dominos tumbling. But I've always "raw dogged" life. No doctors help, no medications besides self-medicating of course. Just me & my crumbling thoughts against, well me.

Until recently, my thoughts and the darkness in my mind became so bad this time I couldn't find a way out. I have been so lost. I have seizures, and I had a spell of them really bad for a couple months and my husband strongly suggested I try to seek medical advice. So, I did. Now, I've always had this thing with my hands feet and neck that I do and certain sounds that I make, that I've always chalked it up to anxiety because they do show themselves a million times worse when I am in a manic or anxious state. Once my mental health started declining rapidly, my weird "quirky" habits became unbearable, and loud, and uncontrollable. When I start seeing doctors and specialist for my seizures, all these diagnoses started flowing in, I was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, PTSD, Bipolar Depression & Tourette syndrome. I am literally a walking dumpster fire. I cannot medicate one without setting off the other, my doctors have a hard time even trying to find medicines that'll help me in all aspects I struggle with. They almost act as if they are afraid to treat me. I feel good to know that there are underlying reasons for my mental state, and it does help to know that it is not all in my head. But now i feel almost worse in some respects because I feel like a lost cause. I just feel so lost, just with a diagnosis now. I'm not sure that I am even looking for advice, I just need a safe space to vent. Someone if anyone to hear me while I'm vulnerable.

How am I supposed to learn or realize I’m making mistakes, if I’m never told what the mistake actually was? Being told I’m not trying, I’m not changing, I’m not aware, it’s not fast enough…causes me to panic and the thoughts that what I was doing right, were wrong this whole time. Working past and through bad habits, mindsets, etc…. Is a journey, not an over night miracle. I’m so discouraged that the effort I’ve been putting in was reduced to basically nothing. That the steps forward, we’re just wiped away. I’ve been honest about the anxiety when I realize that’s what’s happening. And although sometimes it’s taken me longer to realize it, I am still trying. I get so frustrated with myself when I realize too late that I’ve been reacting from an anxiety mindset….when I should have caught it sooner. I get so frustrated with myself when I am in the midst of anxiety and can’t calm myself down (even with the coping techniques). Im so frustrated when it takes me days to realize im manic. When I realize I’ve been doing things from a place of mania and didn’t stop it. The effort never stopped, yes, sometimes I will fall back into old habits or old mindsets. In those times all i need is a gentle reminder that those no longer serve me, especially when I don’t realize that is what’s happening. Im doing a lot of self work and no it’s not always outwardly apparent, but it’s still happening, slow and steady. Undoing years of trauma responses and anxiety lies is not the quick process I want it to be. And I haven’t given up.

But right now, I feel defeated. I feel unseen. I feel like a waste of space.

#Anxiety #traumaresponse #Bipolar #PanicDisorder

So, I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’m new with bipolar, and trying to learn as much as I can about it. Anyone else have it? #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ManicBipolar

So, I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’m new with bipolar, and trying to learn as much as I can about it. Anyone else have it? #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ManicBipolar

Anyone else deal with DAILY irritability and anger? I literally WAKE UP irritated and it just snow balls from there. Doesn't seem to be associated with a manic episode, I am sleeping/eating /functioning just fine, no other mania symptoms.

I get annoyed and irritated for tiny reasons and then can get really angry if it is overwhelming.

Wondering if there is a med change or increase I may need

Anyone else deal with DAILY irritability and anger? I literally WAKE UP irritated and it just snow balls from there. Doesn't seem to be associated with a manic episode, I am sleeping/eating /functioning just fine, no other mania symptoms.

I get annoyed and irritated for tiny reasons and then can get really angry if it is overwhelming.

Wondering if there is a med change or increase I may need...###BipolarDisorder

Hi, my name is hutch18. I'm here because I have been on a 5 month high, manic episode. stole from work which is completely out of character was fired now talking poss petit larceny. I don’t know what to do

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #ADHD

The emotional and mental exhaustion is under looked.
I ran out of meds,forgot to reschedule my appointment, no vehicle, no reliable source for a ride to an from,very little support, the say it takes a village, my village is broken,dysfunctioned ...
Those who I've turned to when things get hard just say things like ,just get a job ,just get out on your own just do this or that, I've had a job , I've tried this and that and it slowly made me feel worse , triggered manic disorder ,disassociation,mental and emotional exhaustion. It makes me feel like a failure and worthless to the point of physically being so tired and isolating myself from everyone and everything... I am not,nor have I ever been one to want things handed to me ,I am independent even more so after being traumatized by having things other done for me thrown in my face, I put everyone first, an try to make them happy in return only learning they just want more and when I'm mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, they don't notice or do but still ask me to do something else,I can sleep all day an still be tired ,so tired to the point I just want it all to end , because I'm tired of feeling tired all the while if I say no or set boundaries I get the, " after everything I've done for you" and the "don't ask me for anything anymore"... just 3am thoughts an struggles... #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #Anxiety #PTSD #ADHD

I suffer from several mental illnesses. It’s sad to say that my mental illness comes from environmental and genetic. I feel so alone in this great big world. I hate the stigma that comes with mental illness. Especially Bipolar. I have had far too many people associate Bipolar with being a serial killer. Very hurtful. I go through many episodes of deep deep depression. Suicidal thought. I’ve made a plan. But have made a promise to my children I would never do that to them. Which I will keep. I have psychotic features which when manic I hear and see things that are not there. I guess to some this all up I’m not done in a suicidal way but the suffering day to day with the panic from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep.
If God were sitting infront of me, I would tell him I’m done!