Long story short... I’ve struggled with severe depression and anxiety for about 8 years now. It hit me hard the very last year that my husband (of 20 years) worked overseas (war zone) as personal security. He did this line of work for a total of 6 years. Eight years later, here I am, still struggling with my depression and anxiety. It was a really tough time in my life, especially with two young children. And as many of you know, with it comes horrible insomnia.
Some nights are better than others. My husband works on a 2 weeks on/2 weeks off schedule. So when he’s away it’s just me, therefore I just deal. And when I talk to him on the phone he’s so understanding, says how sorry he is that I have to deal with it on my own, wishes he was here to help me out with it, etc. Now when he’s home, it’s a completely different story. Had an episode the other night where I woke up at 2 AM and could not go back to sleep to save my life. So I tried waking him to let him know and see if he could just help me to get back to sleep, but nothing he just kept sleeping away. Eventually he did awake but just got angry with me saying the same ‘ol “just go back to sleep”. Then proceeds to say things like “here we go again” “it’s always something with you” “here, I’m awake, now what do you want” but all of it in a very angry or sarcastic tone. So of course all of this for me is just heartbreaking and so hurtful that I just start to sob. And try my best to just lay there and cry myself to sleep. While he lays inches from me and just goes back to sleep as I sob. No hug, no empathy... NOTHING. I can’t even imagine ever being like that toward him if he had an episode like that. I would stay up all night and just hold him. My heart just breaks more and more each time he reacts that way. And yes, I understand that I am not always easy to deal with, but to me it’s just so cruel to act the way he does. It’s one thing when he’s away and I’m truly alone and it’s another when he’s inches from me, yet I feel more alone than ever. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? #MyHeartHurts #noempathy #Insomnia