Persistent Depressive Disorder

It’s said that men’s mental health can be a silent killer. 75% of suicides in Canada are by men. The subject seldom comes up in conversation. Media outlets make it a topic during Men’s Mental Health Month, held in June, I had to look it up.

It seems to me the best way to tackle a problem is to jump right in and start a conversation. 2017 after my accident I experienced a deep depression that was acerbated by the struggles with insurance companies. I found myself having thoughts of suicide but not just of hurting myself I wanted to bring attention to what I saw as an injustice by the insurance companies. I saw my life insurance policy as the last option to support my family.

I did see a psychologist. Our talks did help. At that time I didn’t open up as much as I should have. Feeling defeated and worried that if exposed too much I would be hospitalized. I didn’t reveal that the thoughts I had were actually plans.

There is our problem, the inability to open up. Pride, shame, likely it goes back to our inability to ask for directions. If we were able to ask for direction, maybe we could find a way to receiving the help we needed.

A psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of persistent depressive disorder with anxious distress. I was prescribed antidepressants to help even out my day.

Eventually, after two years I stopped having those thoughts. My anger with the insurance companies did not go away. It was no longer the front of my mind. There were times and there still are, mostly when I am alone, that I will fixate on them and the pain and anger comes to the surface again.

For a couple years everything was going well. I found an outlet for my anger and frustration through writing. I published my first book and had completed my second due out soon.

Out of nowhere the thoughts came back. What was the trigger, I could not say. The only thing that had changed was that there had been an increase in my headaches. More frequently and more severe. I was given a new medication to help with the headaches. The new thoughts started after I started the medication. The medication has no expected side effects of suicidal ideation. Taking a break from the medication has not stopped my thoughts from coming. They are now less violent but still there.

The biggest concern I have is that when I had thoughts of suicide in the past I wanted to expose the injustice by the insurance companies and to provide a financial support for my family. The thoughts this time have none of that attached to them. The only concern is to complete the task and how best to insure that it happens.

The first thought came to me while sitting on the deck with my dog. The sun was warm on my face and this violent thought comes over me. The thought became consuming. There was a deep sadness that came over me.

That afternoon I talked to my wife and let her know I was having thoughts. She talked to our grown children and they put a plan together. I was not going to be left alone. We played games, I sat through study sessions and we shared conversations.

A antidepressant was added, temporarily until a referral to the psychologist goes through.

I also contacted a local community health clinic for a counselling program. After my initial consultation a counselling plan was made.

Talking and being open about my mental health has come easier as time has gone on. Over the past few years I’ve been able to join in with a group of people that have survived brain injuries. They are very open about their own experiences. I had never given it much thought but they have had a positive impact on my acceptance of my new life.

Start a conversation, ask for directions.
Do you have a minute to talk, I think I need some help? There is no shame in asking for directions.

When is the best time to start a conversation? When your person says hi. When you connect on the phone, sitting down to eat, out for coffee.

Start the conversation. It is better to know that you needed help and asked than to hear you kept to yourself and you will be missed.

This time I have to focus harder on the important things in my life, the most important things that keeps me from completely a plan in the darkness. My family, their future, my future, being there tomorrow for them.

Having all of these plans in place has not stopped the thoughts from creeping in. The plans will give me tools to work through these days. Maybe I could have found my way out of the darkness again on my own. It is easier to walk the path when you are not alone. #SelfharmRecovery #BrainInjury #Recovery

I feel like I'm living my life in survival mode. I know how to get from one moment to the next. I know how to go and do the next thing. I know how to pay my bills, be a responsible citizen, and do the right thing. I know the things that I don't like. The problem is I do not know what I like. I don't know what drives me. I don't know what gives me passion. I do self-care activities to prevent me from feeling worse, not because I enjoy them. I feel like I'm just here, just existing. I feel like I'm struggling to live my life. That's OK when things are tough, but things aren't always tough. I just can't seem to get out of survival mode. Meditations sooth me but I don't feel like I thrive. Practicing gratitude is just an intellectual exercise for me, it doesn't feel embodied. I go to therapy and it's very helpful, but then the real world awaits me as soon as I leave the office. I go back into survival mode. I don't know how to get out of survivor mode.
#CPTSD #PersistentDepressiveDisorderDysthymia #Depression

My depression has gotten really bad over the last 2 years. The last month I have been in depths of the abyss of suicidal ideation, and then making plans for my future. I’m up, down, left and right. I have both major depressive disorder and persistent depressive disorder both are considered treatment resistant.

21 years of therapy, 19 antidepressants and ketamine have all failed to treat my depression. I don’t know what to do. I will not go back to the psych hospital. It was a waste of time and money. I got about 15 minutes of treatment. I need help. I don’t know who to ask. My psychiatrist doesn’t know. Therapist seem to have no idea. So who else is there?

my next visit he did a shot test and said yes u have ADHD but i want u to go thru 2 more test to prove it once and for all and he said then we can talk about stimulants. well i did those 2 test in 1 day 2hrs each then i get a call they want me to do 1 more test. i many somethin more than meets the eye. i am kinda scared of what else i have. i have Bipolar ADHD, OCD Cluster B personality disorders which are Borderline, Narcissistic (my fav) and Histrionic , Dysthymia (nka) Persistent Depressive Disorder. and under Borderline i can have a nasty temper. alot of people run from me. so i only tell bipolar thats why get my SSDI

Hi, my name is kansasmagic. I'm here because I have depression. I guess it’s hard to precisely diagnose depression, but what I have read about persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia), major depressive disorder, and existential depression all sounds familiar. I think I have PDD (rooted in my shy-introverted personality and tendency to ruminate), going back years or even decades, along with episodic MDD. Existential depression is along for the ride.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression

i have bipolar & Dysthymia now know as Persistent Depressive Disorder can i be on the down side of my BP and no reason for it?

Hello everyone; I'm still kinda new to TheMighty and brand new to this Group, so I wanted to introduce myself and kinda explain what I'm doing here and what I hope to get out of this group.

My name is Ashlie. I'm from PA, USA. I turn 30 in 2 days. I'm divorced and have a boyfriend of 2ish years (we never really kept track of an anniversary date). I have an 8 year old daughter with my exhusband and 50/50 custody where she spends 2 weeks with me & my boyfriend and two weeks with her father at his mother's house. It's hard not having her for two weeks, but I'm also grateful for her relationship with her father and his family.

I work from home, overnight, as a supervisor at a call center, so it's a lot of metrics reports and presentations, employee development and evaluations, and answering questions if anyone needs help with their calls or tickets. Not super interesting, but entertaining enough; I like the data analysis side of it more than the employee evaluations, but I digress.

It's funny, when you start thinking of your hobbies, you start to realize that you're actually quite boring lol I like puzzles, normal jigsaw puzzles and also any sort of strategic puzzle games. I play a lot of single-player video games on my PC - a lot of the Fallout games, Satisfactory, Portal, Raft, Don't Starve, Cities: Skylines, stuff like that. Apocalyptical or city building type games. I like a lot of different tv shows; some things I frequently rewatch are Bojack Horseman, Doctor Who, Big Bang Theory, Smiling Friends, Family Guy, American Dad, Rick and Morty, House, Weeds, Archer, Always Sunny in Phila, Bobs Burgers, and honestly soo soo many more.

I am diagnosed with ADHD, Persistent depressive disorder (aka dysthymia), general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. Undiagnosed, but I feel strongly that I also have Borderline Personality Disorder, but this is unconfirmed. I don't have a doctor that I actually talk to at the moment, just med checks. I take Vyvanse and Lexapro. My disorders are not currently under control with the current meds, but I'm having an impossibly hard time finding anyone to talk about it. Everywhere is completely booked. I use medical marijuana (it's only legal medically in my state) in addition to my meds to battle the symptoms.

I'd like a friend that has similar interests as me and understands my struggle with mental illness. I don't have any friends that share my interests. I have a lot of mentally ill friends, and we bond over that, but I found that I don't really otherwise have anything in common with them. I'd like a friend that likes what I like.

Wow, that was long, so I'm going to wrap this up! Thanks for reading if you got this far, hope to hear from you.

I checked my weight yesterday and discovered that all the weight I’d lost before the pandemic has returned, and 20lbs more. I am now at my heaviest - ever.

It took a long time, 2 eating disorder programs, and somebody being mad/disappointed at me to regain the weight. Add in Persistent Depressive Disorder, Spondylitis, and MS and I’m looking at a very long road to getting back to the pre-pandemic me.