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Sometimes, when a life event is too much, like when it is very personally offensive, I want to handle it more maturely. Provide building blocks plz..

#anger #reaction #traumaticevent #Anxiety #newway4oldpatterns #mindseye #Picture

I recently experienced a traumatic event. I was offended, I got very angry and it was justifiable, but not productive. It made things worse. I blindly spouted off anything that came to mind because I was scared, felt exposed and defenseless. I demanded that my offender see things my way. This is fine in rare circumstances, but not here. I want to defend myself when offended but in a more controlled manner that keeps me rational enough to not dig myself a deeper hole.

In those moments where we are confronted with an opinion that is seemingly designed to offend on purpose, I get a large dose of adrenaline. I don't see a way to 'just accept that life is really, really hard for some of us' and go about my day without giving it more power than it deserves. I do not have a picture of how to react. My picture is just a blank canvas and that's when I go on the offensive.

Does anyone here have any insight on how to develop a picture for my minds eye to mitigate some of that rage with intellect?

I realize that no two pictures would be the same so I am seeking input on the steps and considerations and whatever else you got that helps you successfully navigate very offensive life events without making it worse for yourself. For most people I think they just do it instinctively, but I'm not part of the group.

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| #reaction OR #response |

Ussually when we act, especially when we're under pressure, we do the first thing that comes to mind (without thinking about it). Therein lies the problem. We are reacting without giving honest thought about how we want to handle something. Our emotions and actions are being controlled by others, our own ego, and the environment. Operating in this state ensures that our power is swept away.

You are the sky, everything else-it's just the weather (Blonner, 2010). In holding your attention on the harsh elements and igniting your senses within the pain experience, you will see what I now see: You can't control the storm. Scary, yes. But it also can't control you.

Deliberately watching the storm has the potential to stop us from taking things personally and interpreting other people's behaviours, opinions, or rejections as reflection of our self-worth. In the midst of a chaotic event, we can decide to give ourselves the gift of a "pause", examine the situation, gain clarity, and choose better responses.

Difference between reaction and response is, reaction is a defense mechanism, while response is a support system. Here are a few ways to know whether you are in an adrenal reaction or in a conscious, purposeful response mode (Siegel, 2016):

Reaction = Instinctual

1) Feels physical, even when it's not
2) Doesn't take very long
3) Usually only one type at a time
4) Feels good in the moment, but often feels terrible
when coming off the adrenaline high
5) An easy release usually on an outside target

Just think about the last time you spoke rudely to someone or took out frustration over a bill on an innocent operator at the other end of a call. You were angry long before the person on the other end admitted he couldn't help you.

Response = Conscious Choice

1) Takes longer
2) Can be multiple types at once
3) Considers options and ramifications
4) Depends on higher intelligence
5) In line with personal goals, ethics, and personality
6) A choice based on your best interests

Here, I've come up with a concept;
"When the going gets tough, the tough stop and do nothing, until they are clear on how to proceed."
Only when my thoughts feel stable and consistent, I can do stable and consistent things.

#MentalHealth #reaction #response #TheMighty #Love


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