I am in my early 30s. Married for coming to 8 years. My husband pop the question when I am in the most difficult stage of my life. Went I am seeing a psychiatrist and still getting used and trying out all the medications and trying to see which medication suits me best. I had a change of psychiatrist 5 years ago and I got to say this doctor is much better than the previous, he encourages me and listens to what I rant to him everytime I sees him. At times I do pity my doctor. 😔 I am job hunting now as I am being asked to leave my previous job due to the company is closing down. I am so traumised by it. I am making so much money for the company (as I am their Business Development Manager). I am hitting 2-3 times their target they have set for me. And... just a word from my boss that they cant afford the increment of rent anymore so that have to shut the business. I am so upset. I cried and cried after I was told about it. As this is the 2nd time it had happened to me. I cried late at night and in the shower, when my husband is not by my side. I dont want him to get all worry about me.
Staying home all day doest help me at all on somedays I got to admit. Though I have pets at home and they do keep me accompany, but I just want to get back to work. I tried sending in resumes and I did not get any respond back.
I am asking myself, if I ever land on a full time job, can I wake up on time? Can I take the long travelling hours?
My lower back and knee is giving me problems ever now and then. I am feeling ao frustated about it. And whenever I am in deep thoughts, my migraine will be back to huant me.
PTSD sucks and I am a childhood abuse surviver I would say. Flashbacks will happen when I am sleeping and I will always wake up not feeling rested at all.
I cut off contacts with my family as I know they are not good for my mental health ( it took me a lot of courage to do so ) I got no one now, except my husband.
I kept telling him that I am job hunting and he keeps telling me to go easy and stop giving myself those invisible pressure.
I hate the feeling of him supporting me. I just want to be on my own 2 feet.
At times, I really feel like ending my life. Everything seems so numb and such a pain for me.
I seldom leave my house. Only when my husband is with me. If not I will be at home doing some household chores (if I had the energy for the day )
Somehow, I miss the old me, when I could do everything on my own. The independent me.
depression sucks the energy out of me. anxiety is really killing me. sleep disorder is driving me mad. PTSD is driving me nuts.