relapseprevention

I had to be weighed in hospital on Friday, when my levels dropped, so I had to be pumped with fluids. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad. They came back into the room with sad eyes and just said ‘Your BMI is now 16.1′. I feel completely heart-broken to end up in the same situation I was in half a year ago.

Also feel completely fat because I’ve just ate a couple of cookies. First thing I’ve ate in six days and I feel disgusting...

I know what’s triggered this complete and utter fall back, it involves trauma, trauma memories, staying on a section after a year and a half being in this rehab and a complete breakdown in family relationships.

Either way. This is where I am at the moment.

I’m trying to remain positive, despite everything. I know I haven't wrote anything on here for a long while.

I was asked this question as part of my Relapse Prevention Plan in a PTSD Recovery Hospitalization Program. I completed the program on October 16th and have yet to answer it myself. My outpatient therapist is now asking me to answer it, but I still don't know what being in recovery would look like as I've experienced so much trauma since childhood, so me going back to before the trauma happened would be when I was four. I would love to hear how recover looks for you.

#MentalHealth #CPTSD #PTSD #TheMighty #MondayMotivation #relapseprevention #SuicidalIdeation #Depression