Relationships

So I was abused at around the age of 9 by my half brother. Not understanding what was happening but trying to shout for help and being smothered with a pillow into compliance. I couldnt explain to an adult as I didnt know how to explain what was happening. I spent years terrified to go to sleep at night and slept in a sleeping bag in my bed. If I woke up I would sneak through and sleep on the floor of my parents bedroom. They divorced and then I slept in my mums bed feeling safer. At age 17 I told her and she said I was selfish for telling her. To protect everyone else, my grandparents and my dad, and my husband who claerly thinks its a shameful thing, altho realises its not my fault, I kept the secret. My relationship with her has been meh and mediocre. My dad was the one that praised me, helped me, was around, phoned when I went to Uni etc, babysat when I had children. My mum once said I didnt need her, I had my dad. When he was dying - 3 years ago now, he asked me to take care of my mum. Then since my stepfather died 2 years ago (we were actually really fond of each other and he hated my brother) and my mum is on her own, I have made the effort to see her every weekend. I phone every 2 days, she is 80. When she goes I will have nothing to do with my brother, its my time to no longer have to pretend everything is ok. I once told an ex girlfriend, and the mother of 2 of his kids of his 20 years ago what happened because he was being abusive to her. But she is one of these loudmouth trouble and drama creating people. When she was diplomatically and politley told my stepfathers funeral was private (because his son and wife didnt want her there saying it would be the NAME show ), she said I was a stuck up bitch, and how she kept my secret all these years (like she was going to tell people). Now my mum is losing weight and has been told she likely has cancer and she wants to change her funeral to an open funeral so this ex girlfriend can go because her daughter, my neice wants her to. I have told my mum of her threats to expose this secret. I dont want my trauma being made into a circus. I dont know if my mum is changing her mind. But I am so ready to be done, old woman or not, I have been nothing but kind to her despite the past. I feel she has never had my back, no loyalty, I have never been able to rely on her. She helped my brother 'because he doesnt have a dad' but left absolutely no room for me. I went to uni, she never praised me, never said I did well, never said she was proud of me. Whilst he was praised for simple things like painting the house, and he has been in trouble with the police, abused girlfrineds etc. This ex of his smarms all around her and my neice is the apple of my mums eye. Im the one though that takes her to appointments and checks she is ok. The one that is always doing the right thing by people. I felt sorry for her, always thought she was a bit depressed but Im just sick of not being considered enough by her.

As a child, I always avoided conflict, both because I couldn't fight back and because I felt awkward and confused when someone raised their voice at me. It seems to me that if a person raises his voice, then he is right and I usually give up in such situations. I could get burned, hit, swear, say something offensive, but I didn't give it any importance or pretended like I didn't care. I'm very thin, which is why people thought I couldn't stand up for myself, and I really couldn't stand up for myself. It pisses me off that I have to go to the gym to be respected, because if I get pumped up, I'll remain the same person, only my body will get bigger. As a teenager, I decided that I only have my brain, not my whole body. And it so happened that as a teenager, I constantly fell into an maladaptive daydream. I imagined myself to be cool, a hero, the smartest, the strongest, a man with an interesting life, I tried to replace reality with these dreams. But all the time, when I returned to the real world, I felt pain. Even as a teenager, I started thinking about these problems and I started making a bunch of almost impossible plans, I believed that I needed to become the best person to be loved, the smartest, strongest, talkative, adaptive, and then I could be happy. I made plans for the whole day, where I had only a couple of free hours, and the rest was packed: Muscle growth exercises, reading books on natural sciences, playing the guitar, reading books on communication, understanding mechanics, radio electronics, etc. I needed all this just to be the best, I didn't have the desire to do it on a whim. But I couldn't follow through on those plans. For 2.0.0.5 years, I was constantly changing my plans, because I could not fulfill any of the planned ones. I was constantly in pain, from my powerlessness, I couldn't do anything, nothing grew. I was still the same loser. Even when I decided to do only sports, for example, I still gave up after a couple of days and hated myself again, believing that I lacked willpower. During these 2.0.0.5 years, I have deprived myself of friends, I decided to leave this company, because I believed that they were hindering my development. I was pathetic, anyone could insult me, a girl could hit me, but I still didn't fight back. I hated myself, I couldn't change in any way. And now the 10th grade has arrived. I met new people there. But everything was terrible again, I couldn't fit into the circle of boy athletes. There were only athletes in this class, but in the beginning I didn't want to be friends with them, I wanted to find geniuses. But there were none. After a while, I finally realized the importance of friendship, but I was no longer able to make friends with them, they considered me not yet mature, probably because of my thinness and my lack of socialization. I was offended, after a while they also began to test my strength, they could call me stupid, but I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to be friends with girls, because it seemed to me that I was closer to them in mindset, but they didn't want to be friends with me, because I wasn't that popular. Also in 10th grade, I fell in love with one of my classmates. She was my ideal, or rather, she possessed absolutely all the features that I would like to have. She was very brave, smart, kind, happy, beautiful, sociable, and had many interests. At first, we communicated normally, we seemed to have a trusting relationship. But in the summer I confessed to her, she thought I was joking, and she didn't say yes or no. I took it as a rejection, and after that I started ignoring her in order to forget. But it still hurt, I dreamed about her in my dreams all the time, I imagined a life together. I was constantly jealous, but there was nothing I could do. She was popular, and I thought I was worthless. I considered myself unworthy of her. Because of my position as a victim and an outcast of the class, I began to behave this way, I began to walk with my eyes downcast, I spoke as if I were the weakest, as if I was tired of life, as if everything was bad for me, as if I were a loser. I thought that since they think I'm pathetic, that's the role I'm going to play. But at the same time, I thought that I was punishing them, although I don't understand where the punishment is. As a result, I ruined our relationship, and now she ignores me, and it hurts me, it hurts me a lot. I have absolutely no interests in life, I hate my life. I consider life itself meaningless, there is a lot of pain in me, I do not know what kind of person I am, I do not know what to do, because I have never succeeded. I do not know how I should behave in society, I do not know how to be cool, what I do, what masks, how everything came to this. I do not know what kind of mindset you need to have to end this whole nightmare. I just want to feel happy. I've been walking around with a stony face for a long time, constantly hiding my pain and feelings. I am easily suppressed, if I do something childish, they just tell me "don't do that" and I obey.

Addiction changes everything—even the way we connect with people.

Sometimes, the people you meet during addiction aren’t real friends.

They’re around for what they can get from you—drugs, money, a place to stay.

It’s a string of fake encounters and fake connections.

But just because you’re an addict doesn’t make you a bad person.

It just makes it harder to find good people.

Finding Real Friends in a World of Chaos

In the drug world, true friends are rare.

But when you find one—someone who is genuine, honest, loyal—it matters.

Addiction is a long, lonely road.

Having even one real friend can make it feel less unbearable.

So… What Is a Friend to You?

What characteristics do you value in a friend?

Loyalty? Honesty? Respect? Authenticity?

How many people can you truly call friends?

I have four friends I consider my real, true friends—and I feel blessed.

Real friendship is hard to come by these days, especially in recovery.

Different Types of Friends

There are many types of friends we encounter:

Casual or Social Friends – Work friends, gym buddies, book club acquaintances.

Close Friends – The ones in your inner circle. You talk often, share struggles, and value each other deeply.

Lifelong Friends – Childhood connections who’ve stuck around. With them, you can be your raw, unfiltered self.

Acquaintances – People you chat with occasionally or connect with on social media.

Ask Yourself:

What kind of friends do you have?

Do they uplift you, or drain you?

Do they encourage your healing, or enable your pain?

Human Connection Matters

Friendship is more than a social label—it’s vital to our survival.

We weren’t meant to walk this life alone, especially not through the battle of addiction.

But what makes a friendship last?

What holds it all together?

The answer is different for everyone.

But for me, it’s simple:

Loyalty. Trust. Respect. Honesty. Love.

And the courage to show up, even when things get hard.#Addiction #relationship #mental health #Respect #loyalty #honesty #genuine #Real BigmommaJ

Addiction changes everything—even the way we connect with people.

Sometimes, the people you meet during addiction aren’t real friends.

They’re around for what they can get from you—drugs, money, a place to stay.

It’s a string of fake encounters and fake connections.

But just because you’re an addict doesn’t make you a bad person.

It just makes it harder to find good people.

Finding Real Friends in a World of Chaos

In the drug world, true friends are rare.

But when you find one—someone who is genuine, honest, loyal—it matters.

Addiction is a long, lonely road.

Having even one real friend can make it feel less unbearable.

So… What Is a Friend to You?

What characteristics do you value in a friend?

Loyalty? Honesty? Respect? Authenticity?

How many people can you truly call friends?

I have four friends I consider my real, true friends—and I feel blessed.

Real friendship is hard to come by these days, especially in recovery.

Different Types of Friends

There are many types of friends we encounter:

Casual or Social Friends – Work friends, gym buddies, book club acquaintances.

Close Friends – The ones in your inner circle. You talk often, share struggles, and value each other deeply.

Lifelong Friends – Childhood connections who’ve stuck around. With them, you can be your raw, unfiltered self.

Acquaintances – People you chat with occasionally or connect with on social media.

Ask Yourself:

What kind of friends do you have?

Do they uplift you, or drain you?

Do they encourage your healing, or enable your pain?

Human Connection Matters

Friendship is more than a social label—it’s vital to our survival.

We weren’t meant to walk this life alone, especially not through the battle of addiction.

But what makes a friendship last?

What holds it all together?

The answer is different for everyone.

But for me, it’s simple:

Loyalty. Trust. Respect. Honesty. Love.

And the courage to show up, even when things get hard.#Addiction #relationship #mental health #Respect #loyalty #honesty #genuine #Real BigmommaJ

Hi everyone,

I’m new here and grateful to have found this space.

I’m looking for ideas and shared experiences that could help my girlfriend and me grow together while navigating the effects of her PTSD.

We’ve known each other for over four years with strong mutual attraction, but our relationship deepened last August. But after about three months of closeness, a panic attack to realize being in a relation shifted things — she began to feel overwhelmed by the intensity and developed strong urges to pull away.

Since then, it’s been a cycle of connection and distance. She’s actively in therapy, which I deeply respect, but during more intense phases, she becomes emotionally withdrawn, sometimes reactive — even humiliating me in public or dismissing any gentle reflection I try to offer. Still, when we’re connected and calm, we share beautiful moments full of warmth, laughter, and safety.

I want to emphasize: this isn’t about blaming. It is so much caring. I’m aware that trauma expresses itself in ways that are protective, even when it seems hurtful. I also bring my own patterns into the relationship. I grew up with a mother who had her own unresolved trauma — which left me with self-worth challenges and a tendency to overthink. So, while I get emotionally shaken at times, I’ve also developed strong coping skills. In some ways, I think we understand each other’s pain.

Now, I’d love to ask you — both those living with PTSD and those supporting a partner — a few questions based on where we are now and what will work well according to your experience - such a kind of partner experience exchange:

Would it be helpful to move difficult conversations into a written form (like email or messages), rather than trying to solve things live in person? I feel it might give us both time to reflect and reduce the emotional charge — preserving our precious “hygge” moments together. Has anyone tried this?

Have any of you had positive experiences with joining a partner’s therapy sessions from time to time? Her therapist seems to be someone she respects and who challenges her in a constructive way. I don’t want to intrude, but I wonder if sharing one or two sessions could build understanding on both sides?

Any thoughts, advice, or personal stories would be appreciated.

Thanks for listening — and sending a smile to whoever needs one today. 😊

Cheers Happy2Gether

#PTSD #ptsdpartners #PTSD -together-healing #PTSD -tricks