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What are the subtle signs your partner is checked out of your relationship?

Untangling yourself from the emotions triggered by learning your partner has checked out of the relationship can be extremely hard. Often, we feel as though we were broadsided, even though there were slow, sneaking signs all along that something was amiss. One of those early signs is a change in behavior or attitude toward the relationship, where things “outside” of your partnership are increasingly more interesting or prioritized by your partner more. Another quieter signal is if your partner is increasingly dismissive about maintaining the relationship, whether physically, emotionally, or both. It’s easy to assume such behaviors are part of the natural ups and downs of being in a relationship, which is why so many early signs of trouble may not be noticed or may be ignored.

It is also possible for there to be absolutely zero indicators your partner has checked out. People can hide their feelings, use masking behaviors, or simply not be aware of it themselves. Eventually, the issue can manifest in some of the behaviors mentioned above, but if you feel something is amiss, a gentle and honest conversation about your concerns can go a long way toward working through issues before they become problems.

What’s important to remember is that every relationship is unique and that communication is critical to understand the nuances of yours. If you see smoke, there could be fire – how far that fire is from you right now depends on how clearly and honestly you can communicate about your concerns before it escalates further.

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Going through divorce

I’m going through a very painful divorce with my wife. What hurts the most is how it affected my relationship with my kids. Communicating with them feels hard and unnatural now — there’s tension, fear of saying the wrong thing, long awkward pauses. I worry about losing our connection, about becoming a stranger in their lives. Still, I’m trying to stay present, to listen more than I speak, and to show them that I’m here no matter what. I truly hope time, patience, and honesty will help us heal.

#Divorce

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How does shame impact your perspective on hope and growth?

Experiencing shame can affect many—sometimes unexpected—aspects of our lives, from existing and new relationships to how we navigate work or school, and even how we form ideas around purpose, growth, and hope.

I’ve become more aware of how much the shame I carry impacts my relationships, but I’m now realizing how much it also shapes my sense of hope and possibility. At times, I limit my own view of hope because I believe my options or opportunities are limited. This is something I want to work on much more intentionally in therapy this year.

Does shame impact how you perceive hope and growth? If so, how? In what ways might you shift or expand your perspective?

Sending love today—simply because you deserve it. 💌

#CheckInWithMe #Grief #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #ChronicPain #Spoonie #Migraine #Fibromyalgia

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Silence

It wasn’t the violence that hurt the most.
It wasn’t the endless cycle of abuse
that finally pushed me away.
It wasn’t your fists.

What broke me
was believing, for the first time,
that I could fall apart safely—
and realizing you didn’t care enough
to help put me back together.

I was handed off instead.

To cops.
To jails.
To therapists.
To military schools.

Institutions that tried to parent
what you weren’t willing to.
What you didn’t care to.
What you didn’t know how to love.

Because you couldn’t love me.

You never learned to regulate
what I had to.

You say you won’t tolerate a relationship
that isn’t rooted in respect.

Was it respect
when you beat me?
My mother?
My siblings?

Was it respect
when you offered to pay for my education
and later threw it back at me as worthless
because it made me empathetic—
because it made me soft
in ways you never survived being?

When I look back on a life half-lived,
I can’t find a single moment
where you actually respected me.

Only obedience.
Only dependence.
Only the version of me
that needed you to survive.

And when I didn’t—
when I finally stood upright,
found my own voice,
claimed my own opinions—
you hated it.

But that is not a lesson
either of us needs to keep learning.

I need to learn to love myself
in the places you never could.
To respect what you couldn’t see.
To heal what you broke first.
To unlearn the patterns
you're still trying
to beat into me.

Maybe they were beaten into you.

Maybe you have changed.
Maybe I just can’t see it
while staring so hard at the past,
trying to rework the present.

But today,
saying *I love you*
means not saying anything at all.

Respect means restraint.
Accountability is foreign.

So silence—
not anger,
not punishment—

silence will become comfort.

#MightyPoets #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Addiction #PTSD #Grief #Abuse

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Entitled

I am entitled to feel what I feel.

The brushing of elbows.
The lingering touch of legs,
thighs, feet.
Hands wandering—not always with intent,
just searching for shared connection,
for touch,
platonic or romantic or something unnamed.

It’s funny—
being grown-ass adults
and feeling like we’re back in middle school.
No canoodling.
No blankets shared.
No relationships to be explored.

Rules hovering where curiosity lives.

Is it okay to be a cliché
when clichés exist for a reason?

Is it okay to blur the line
between friend and lover
when you love your friends this much—
quirks, warts, histories, and all?

We lean into each other
emotionally and physically,
the weight of the world
stacked on our shoulders,
our minds,
our hearts.

We can’t—
and won’t—
carry it alone anymore.

But maybe,
maybe we could carry it together.

Sharing the load.
As friends.
Or something more.

It’s funny—
the wondering,
the wishing,
the wanting,
the yearning.

Sharing pieces of yourself
knowing you may never see each other again,
at least not soon.
Distance stretching like a quiet ache.

And still—
making plans.
Dreams.
Wishes.
Plans, and more plans.

Clinging to the feeling
of being loved
without shame or judgment,
even as you offer up
the most shame-soaked pieces of yourself.

To be authentic
is to love
and to be loved.

And I love my friends.

Sometimes very hard.
Sometimes too hard.

But that’s okay.

#MentalHealth #ADHD #MightyPoets #MightyTogether #IfYouFeelHopeless #Trauma
#PTSD #Anxiety #Addiction

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Mental Health and Stigma: When Survival Is Misunderstood—and Healing Is Judged By BigmommaJ

Mental health struggles do not exist in isolation. They are shaped by experiences, environments, systems, and relationships—many of which were never safe to begin with.

Yet stigma continues to frame mental illness as a personal failure rather than a human response to adversity.

Research consistently shows that stigma is one of the greatest barriers to seeking mental health support, often leading to delayed treatment, increased distress, and poorer outcomes (Mental Health Commission of Canada [MHCC], 2022). Stigma is not just uncomfortable—it is harmful.

For individuals impacted by trauma, child welfare involvement, addiction, and recovery, stigma often becomes an additional wound layered onto an already heavy history.

Where Stigma Begins

Mental health stigma thrives where understanding ends.

It shows up when behaviors are judged without context, when trauma responses are labeled as defiance or manipulation, and when people are reduced to diagnoses instead of seen as whole human beings shaped by what they have lived through. Language and labeling play a critical role in reinforcing stigma, particularly within systems meant to provide care (Herman, 2015).

Stigma asks, “What’s wrong with you?”

Trauma-informed care asks, “What happened to you?”

This shift in perspective is foundational to trauma-informed practice and is supported by evidence demonstrating improved engagement and outcomes when individuals feel understood rather than blamed (SAMHSA, 2014).

Child Welfare, Trauma, and the Mental Health Continuum

Children involved in child welfare systems are disproportionately exposed to adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), including abuse, neglect, domestic violence, parental substance use, and chronic instability (Public Health Agency of Canada [PHAC], 2023).

These experiences do not disappear with time—they embed themselves in the nervous system, shaping attachment patterns, emotional regulation, and coping strategies across the lifespan.

The landmark ACEs study established a strong, graded relationship between childhood adversity and later mental health challenges, substance use disorders, and chronic physical illness (Felitti et al., 1998).

Despite this evidence, individuals with child welfare histories are often stigmatized for the very adaptations that helped them survive early adversity.

What we label as “problem behavior” is frequently a trauma response.

What we punish is often pain.

Addiction: A Stigmatized Trauma Response

Addiction remains one of the most stigmatized mental health conditions, particularly when it intersects with trauma histories.

Research shows that a significant proportion of individuals with substance use disorders have experienced childhood trauma, neglect, or violence (SAMHSA, 2014).

Substance use is often an attempt to regulate overwhelming emotions, numb intrusive memories, or create a sense of control when safety was never guaranteed.

Neurobiological research supports that trauma alters stress and reward pathways in the brain, increasing vulnerability to substance use as a coping mechanism (Herman, 2015).

Yet stigma continues to frame addiction as moral failure rather than a health condition, leading to:

*Delayed help-seeking

*Increased shame and secrecy

*Higher relapse rates

*Reduced access to compassionate care

Addiction is not a lack of willpower. It is a nervous system searching for relief.

Personal Reflection: What I’ve Seen—and Lived

Working within child welfare, alongside my own healing and recovery journey, has taught me that people are rarely broken—they are burdened.

I have seen children labeled “difficult” when they were terrified.

Parents judged as “unmotivated” when they were navigating unresolved trauma.

Individuals dismissed as “addicts” instead of recognized as survivors.

I have also lived the impact of stigma—the way it follows you into systems, appointments, and even your own internal dialogue.

Research confirms that internalized stigma significantly worsens mental health outcomes and reduces self-efficacy in recovery (MHCC, 2022).

Recovery, for me, was not just about changing behaviors. It was about unlearning shame. About recognizing that survival does not require justification. And about understanding that healing is not linear—a reality well documented in trauma and recovery literature (Herman, 2015).

Recovery Is Not an Endpoint—It Is a Practice

Recovery is often portrayed as a finish line. In reality, it is an ongoing process of self-regulation, self-awareness, and reconnection.

Evidence-based models of recovery emphasize that healing occurs over time and requires safety, trust, and empowerment (SAMHSA, 2014).

Recovery can mean:

*Learning safer coping strategies

*Rebuilding trust with self and others

*Naming trauma without being defined by it

*Choosing growth even when it’s uncomfortable

Stigma tells people they should be “over it by now.”
Recovery science tells us otherwise.

From Awareness to Action

Public awareness of mental health has increased, yet stigma continues to shape who is believed, who receives care, and who is left behind.

The Mental Health Commission of Canada (2022) emphasizes that meaningful change requires systemic, trauma-informed approaches rather than crisis-driven or punitive responses.

Action looks like:

*Trauma-informed child welfare and mental health systems

*Integrated treatment for mental health and addiction

*Language that reduces shame and increases engagement

*Early intervention rather than crisis-only care

Mental health care must do more than manage symptoms—it must restore dignity.

The Vision: Rise Above Your Norm

Rise Above Your Norm is not just a blog—it is the foundation of a future private practice rooted in lived experience, clinical understanding, and evidence-based, trauma-informed care.

This practice is being built to serve individuals who have been historically misunderstood or marginalized within systems:

*Those with complex trauma histories

*Individuals impacted by child welfare involvement

*People navigating addiction and recovery

*Families working to break generational cycles

*Thos affected by sexual abuse, exploitation and domestic violence

Research consistently shows that trauma-informed, person-centered care improves engagement, outcomes, and long-term recovery (SAMHSA, 2014; MHCC, 2022).

What This Practice Will Stand For

This space will be:

*Trauma-informed, grounded in ACEs and neurobiology research

*Non-judgmental, rejecting shame-based models

*Integrated, addressing mental health and addiction together

*Grounded in dignity, recognizing lived experience as expertise.

Healing should not require proving your pain. It should meet you where you are.

A Call to the Community

*If you are a professional: examine your language and assumptions.

*If you are a policymaker: invest in prevention, not punishment.

*If you are a loved one: replace judgment with curiosity.

*If you are struggling: your healing is valid—even when it is nonlinear.

Reducing stigma is a shared responsibility—and one that directly impacts lives (MHCC, 2022).

A Final Word

Mental health struggles are not evidence of weakness. They are evidence of endurance.

The work ahead is not easy—but it is necessary.

This is how we rise:

*By choosing understanding over stigma.

*By building systems that reflect real lives.

*By believing people are worthy of care long before they reach rock bottom.

This is the work of Rise Above Your Norm.
And this is only the beginning

BigmommaJ
#Stigma #MentalHealth #Addiction #change

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I’m new here!

Hi, my name is AuraFire. I've just been diagnosed with BPD after years of functioning untreated. unfortunately this diagnosis came too late to help me recover multiple relationships (professional and personal) and has been a cause of great distress for my partner who is choosing to blame everything that is wrong in our marriage on me. I found this community at the suggestion of my mental health providers and online research that has led me to believe support systems are very good for those like me.
I spent most of my life knowing something was wrong with how I saw the world and that I shouldn’t constantly live in fear of others, or feel fueled by fury. I truly believed I was completely alone and that no one else would understand. Therapusts continued to misdiagnose me or further invalidate my feelings pushing my ability to form connections deeper down. Since receiving my diagnosis I have jumped into learning the proper treatments and tools to help regulate and feel seen and understood for the first time in my life.
#MightyTogether #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety

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Diagnosis#CPTSD #artheals

Diagnosed with enough and done with the labels Ive been analyzed https://within.My resilience is not gained by ignoring the facts or https://pretending.It is from facing what others prefer to destroy and deny. I have sat by and watched, him, destroy relationships that I wanted to foster.Calls, I pushed him to https://make.Every attempt was ignored and I decided to stop trying all together. I learned my place, from her, them and https://him.To blatantly ignore and pretend the last two years didnt take place, is not my deal or my issue to sort https://out.Time will catch up, it will and people who were playing, with my boundaries, always pay in the end.
My lowest point, was celebrated and I owe nothing to those who chose to partake, no matter who they are.