Relationships

It happenned again this morn, something's wrong, I urge people with mh problems to see their family doctor n take prescription, n rest n breathe, read n meditate, accept your present even if its hard, relationships are always hard, have strength, keep cool, I succumb to anger after being yelled at too, please get it together, support has many shapes n sizes, call a friend too, and very much keep busy please, love, peace

Hi, my name is challenge2728. I'm here because i want to submit essay to newsletter.
April 1, 2001 — And I Felt Like a Fool

Most running coaches will tell you to take a week off after a marathon. So after completing 186 marathons in the year 2000—part of my failed but valiant attempt to run 200 in one year—I figured I’d follow that advice. That “week off” turned into over three months of near-total inactivity. Turns out, I’m not wired for rest. I function better when I move daily—maybe not a marathon, but something.
On December 9, 2000, I ran marathon #199 of the year in 5:20. The next day, I ran my final marathon of the year in 4:05. Fast-forward 101 days to April 1, 2001: I arrived in New York to run the Inaugural Achilles Marathon—and finished in 5:44:45. It wasn’t just my slowest in years, it was also a wake-up call.
The day was gray and cold. One of those Sunday mornings better suited for another pot of coffee than for lacing up shoes. But I had committed. Because of my long-standing relationship with the Achilles Track Club, I’d been invited to this landmark event. And I was not about to say no.
I arrived at Prospect Park in Brooklyn more than two hours before the gun. I was early enough to see the hand-crank wheelchair winners cross the finish line and to congratulate them. But as I stood shivering in the chilly drizzle, I couldn’t help but think: I wish my race had started at 8 a.m. like theirs—I’d already be halfway done.
My mood wasn’t great. The course? Eight loops around the park. Repetitive. Boring. Lonely. I couldn’t find a pace partner, and my mind was already negotiating my early exit: “Maybe I’ll stop after lap four… make up a good excuse.”
But then came the shift. I stopped thinking about me.
This day wasn’t about America’s Marathon Man taking a few months off and paying the price. It wasn’t about media attention or photo ops. This marathon was about real heroes—the athletes in wheelchairs, on crutches, with prosthetic limbs, or simply determined to cross that line despite everything their bodies had endured.
I saw a man in an everyday wheelchair—no high-tech titanium gear—pushing himself backward up a hill with his feet because his arms were shot. I spoke with a white-haired woman who’d started three hours before the official start just to make it in before nightfall. I watched a man collapse from spasms after mile 20, only to smile and wave me on: “No worries. Happens sometimes.”
And then it hit me like a slap of cold wind: You finish this marathon, or you turn in your shoes. No more self-pity. No more excuses.
There were no cameras at the finish. No roaring crowds. No big cash prizes. Just spirit. Pure, human, unshakable spirit.
I finished that day—humbled, inspired, and transformed.
So the next time I’m tempted to stall over that second cup of coffee, or skip a training run, or avoid the hard work of writing or showing up—I’ll remember the heroes of that inaugural Achilles Marathon.
They didn’t run for glory. They ran for life.

Written in 2001 — cried over on December 15, 2019 — and cried again rereading on July 29, 2025.

Jerry Dunn
America's Marathon Man
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#MightyTogether

I thought things were going really well for me. I finally left a job I hated in this impossible job market. Moved out of my family house so I no longer have to live with my abuser. I’m in a relationship with someone who is very healthy, takes care of me and loves me dearly. And the new job I started is better than I could ever imagine and I’m doing so well at it. I’ve also got a strong support system behind me of friends and family and I’m even in group therapy for DBT skills.

In theory, I should be on top of the world. But I can’t help but spiral. I’m really struggling with emptiness and self loathing….even with being out of previous toxic situations, I think I’m self sabotaging my healthy relationship. My boyfriend said his one boundary is that he can’t stand being shouted at. Which is obviously understandable. But I can’t help lashing out when I’m upset. Regulating negative emotions has always been my downfall and I’m not sure if I can get it under control. Which means I’ll eventually lose him, as he said it’s not something he’s willing to put up with in a long term relationship.

Now I feel like I’m just spiralling further and further. And it’s all my fault. I worked really hard to get where I am. There were times in my life I could never even imagine my life going like this. And now that I have it, I’m completely sabotaging it and everything is falling apart. And the solution is so obviously simple. It’s not like I’m not self aware enough to know that. But I just can’t seem to stop myself.

Even though I really want to and even though I know it’s wrong. I feel so hopeless and I hate myself for all of this.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I just wanted to vent.

I know everyone has a story about estranged family people who are blood related that have abandoned is . My 31yr old son has been on and off drugs for the past ten years and now he is sober so he is reflecting on how he treated his 58yr old disabled father. About 5 yrs ago we moved in together with my mother and mom and I tried to help him but it was no use and the day before my last lumbar fusion he called from jail he got busted for dealing hard drugs and wanted me to bail him out but I said no after all I had just given him a truck with a new motor so he could work. The only thing he use it for was to deal drugs idiot.

Now he a wants to start a relationship with me and mom again but I'm worried that he will break my heart again or create trouble with Mom who is 85 and now I've been diagnosed with muscular dystrophy so in order to protect my heart and my mom I said I didn't feel like having a relationship with him for many reasons.

My heart still hurts so I don't know if I'm doing the right thing I only know I can't go back to the turmoil. Love for a child never goes away so it makes it so much harder.

Don't think there is ever a clear answer.