Posting for the first time because I’m sick of all the people in my life who don’t understand what living with mental illness is like. Sharing my feelings/struggle with them only makes me feel more alone. Hopefully someone here can relate to my rambling.
I have treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder and C-PTSD. I’m also still grieving the loss of my mom to sarcoidosis in 2018. She was my primary source of support with my mental illness and understood me better than anyone. I miss her terribly and have felt isolated since her death.
My depression has been on (yet another) downward spiral and I’m frustrated. I’m barely functioning now and I can feel the suicidal thoughts coming on again. I just finished another round of ketamine, I’m in EMDR therapy but nothing is working. Nothing EVER works.
Not the dozens of meds, TMS, ECT, therapy. I’m just so tired of trying these last 20 years. It really wears a person out. My whole adulthood. My life feels like such a waste and I hate not achieving any of the goals I’ve had for my life due to crippling depression.
For those who have been fighting mental illness for years, how do you keep from giving up? It just feels like a never ending battle. One tiny step forward, 12 giant steps backs. It’s hard to have hope with this pattern. It’s even harder not having people around me who understand or who are genuinely sympathetic.
Thanks for reading. #ChronicDepression #treatmentresistant
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