Schitzophrenia

I have been going to Psychiatrists,Psychologists,Mental Health Licenced Therapist's(current one also a Professor at a local college),since 1984, more on than off.ive been asked why I keep going if I'm not cured by now,why continue??? #RA ,#oa ,#Fibro ,#Neuropathy ,#GERD ,#disc ,nerve problems in neck,lower back,#Torn Labral muscle rt.hip,#non - ankylosing spondylitis ,#sjogren 's syndrome,#Reynauds ,#chronic sinusitis,#chronic Insomnia,#Chostochondritis ,#Eczema /Allergies,#Photosensitive to sun,#dog lover,#high blood pressure,#Believer in coloring therapy at home,#Bookworm ,#Schitzophrenia as 1st diagnosis in mental health illness,#Love Words,writing.,music (eclectic interests).

Good Morning lovely ppl !!! Hope you got some sleep in !!! ~~I didn't catch a lot of sleep last night~#Insomnia #Pain #Upallnight 😳& am finding I can't help drifting in & out of sleep this morning !!! #Sleep 😴😉😌 so if I don't get back to you right away, it's most likely cuz I'm napping.

The months went by and when Ellie was almost 4 years old we noticed that something was wrong with her... She wasn’t eating and was so tired... She even didn’t want treats, and she always wanted treats! 😔 It all happened so fast and in a few days we realized that it wasn’t fair to Ellie to let her suffer... In a few days we had to put her down too... The last thing I said to her was “I love you so much best friend”❤️ My relationship to Mira wasn’t the best because I was so scared of falling in love with another sick dog that I would loose... I was again a mess... And everything was just a nightmare! I had lost both of my best friends and I hadn’t anyone left to comfort me when I felt like shit... I again tried to kill myself and I self harmed more than ever. So I was put back on institution... After a while I spent more time with Mira cause I did not have anyone else to comfort me when I felt down... After a while Mira became my best friend too❤️ Now Mira is 2 years old and my best friend in the world❤️ I still haven’t come over Ellie and Fakira but I’m doing my best to be strong for Mira... After all she too lost a sister and a best friend...😔 Mira is not so well trained but she lives on a farm with my family so it’s ok for now. All the dogs we meet are smaller dogs who always barks, and Mira think they’re too loud or too small so she always walks right past them... She of course like when we can greet them.. But when we decides to walk past them she’s totally fine with it... Today we went on a large dog parade in the city with her and other Newfoundland dogs, Leonberger dogs and Saint Bernards. There were also two Great Danes. Than we realized how little training we had thought her... 😅 But most of the other dogs was well trained so it wasn’t such a huge problem... She had on a cute sweater and reindeer horns so she looked just adorable😍 And a LOT of people wanted to say hello to her and give her cuddles❤️ She and a puppy in a wagon was the most popular dogs among people❤️😜 Since I feel like I have nothing to live for but her, she’s my lifeline❤️ She’s the reason I try to stay strong!❤️ Since I have moved away from home I don’t see her as often as I’d like.. But when I come home to my parents house she’s so happy too see me that my mum can go right past her with food and grow-cherries and Mira doesn’t even look at her😜 And she really loves food! 😅 I can cuddle her for forever and she never gets tired!❤️ When I have a bad day and don’t feel like even smile she always puts a smile on my face and when I cry she comes to me and lick my tears away❤️😢 She’s now my best friend and I hope we can have her for several years!❤️ I can’t even think of what would happened if I lost her too... But for now she’s a healthy, happy dog who I love more than anything in the whole world❤️🐶
#Part2 #dog #Newfoundland #Depression #Schitzophrenia #Anxiety

A couple years ago we bought our first dog Ellie... She was just the best thing that ever happened to me... I’ve always wanted a dog ever since I was little. She was a Newfoundland dog. She was my best friend and will always be! But when she was just 1/2 years old the vet discovered a fault with her heart😔 Only half of her heart was working... They said that she had only less than a month left to live... And we should be prepared that she could die at any moment... I was devestated... It felt like someone just tore out my heart... She was my first true love❤️ Later my parents ordered a new dog... But the months went by and we still had Ellie... When the summer came, the dog number 2. was ready to come to us. I named her Fakira. She was my own dog❤️ And was my responsibility to take care of and train. We still had Ellie luckily... And the vet was in shock because she was still alive... He had never thought that she would become much more than 1/2 years old. But for us it was the best thing we could ever wish for... Fakira was now my dog, and I took her to puppy courses and display courses and trained her. She was the cutest little thing❤️ And she LOVED cuddles and loved when I hugged her❤️ She was the reason I was in this world❤️ She was like my baby❤️ The months went by and we had Ellie and Fakira and they became best friends❤️ When Fakira was about 1/2 years we went to the vet for control with her and again the vet discovered a fault... Fakiras back legs wasn’t right... The hips and the knees wasn’t working like they should and the bones had grown crookedly... It felt like my heart just broke in a thousand pieces... And when Fakira was 1 month from becoming 1 year we had to put her down... 😭 Ellie was now 2 years old and way over time... She was looking for Fakira for several days and weeks. We couldn’t say Fakiras name because than Ellie would start looking for her😭 It was the worst day in my entire life!😭 I was a mess.. My depression became my life and i struggled with angsiety and my schizophrenia also went south... I didn’t wanna live without my best friend. So I tried to kill myself... I knew it wasn’t fair to Ellie... But I felt like I lost a part of myself... And I ended up in psychiatric institution. When I came home Ellie was always there to comfort me when I felt like shit.. And my relationship whith her became so much stronger!❤️ I even learned her to kiss me on my chin on command and she loved it❤️ When the summer came again we had ordered another dog that we could walk. Because of Ellies heart failure we couldn’t walk her because she got so tired even before we left the house. 😔 But she LOVED to drive on trips with the car❤️ We named the new dog Mira❤️ Ellie was now 3. and she was always happy!❤️ And we was so happy she was still with us❤️ We never thought we would have her for so long! Mira and Ellie became best friends and Ellie was like a mother to Mira❤️ #Part1 #dog #Newfoundland #Depression #Schitzophrenia #Anxiety

He definitely taught me unconditional love. He made me feel so loved and cared for. One time, I had a panic attack. I woke up crying for my life but I was afraid to ask my dad for help because I was too worried that it won’t go as I expect it would, so I handled it myself. I quietly asked my dog if he can come snuggle with me until we both fall asleep, he stood up and walked into my arms and fell fell asleep. It was the most magical moment ever! I am incredibly grateful for him. He is the only one that’s there for me and would snuggle with me when I was crying in the dark. He always does the unexpected! He makes me feel loved and worth caring for when I’m down! He’s the best! I love him so much to the moon! #Depression #Anxiety #Schitzophrenia #BipolarDisorder #PersonalityDisorders #DependentPersonalityDisorder #SocialAnxiety #PTSD

Hard always running in waves of thought never knowing if its gonna happen or what is gonna happen just more to worry about