selfdestruction

Am I the only one who when they have a PTSD "episode" self-destructs? I've noticed over the last handful of episodes that I stop caring about whats right or wrong. For example, in my latest episode I put on fake nails. This is bad because since December I've been getting ECT and they recommend that you dont have your nails done. And until now I havent but something happened in my brain that said "screw it, who cares if this makes things 10x harder". The episode before that I decided to use my savings on a hoard of candles. Why, I dont know. Just saw a candle and was like I need 35 of them. Is any of this normal? #PTSD #selfdestruction

Just ended a 7 yr relationship with the best thing to ever happen to me, my parents begged me not to screw this up. But i did, boy it the most ultimate of classic whitney fuck ups. Thanksgiving week, holidays, she's moving out this time, we have a grandbaby boy, 7 yrs worth of building our house, the amazing relationships she had with my family and I hers. I left a trail of mass destruction....but this rock botton reality check had to happen. She needs space right now and i owe it to her, ill stay in our which is technically mine anyway, but i have no coping skills, never lived alone, and the most amazing parents with the resources to allow me work part time, pay only a cell phone bill, with my girl and automatic debits to the house ago, no car payment, no house payment. Everyone has feared this would happen and my ability to survive and function. I'm not going back to that pit, I'm taking full responsibility and going back in head first, and put up one hell of a fight. We are great, excellent terms and if i am able to become a bad ass independent woman, for myself, my parents, and for the love of my life, this entire miserable journey can turn 180° around. Our story isn't over, and mine is just beginning. I got all the best docs, therapists, treatments, and support system.
"There's a million things I haven't done, just you wait."

#selfdestruction #bpdnightmare

I feel like anytime i have anything good happening in my life that I have to ruin it. Whether it be my relationship or my clean streak for SH. I do things that i know aren't beneficial including stealing and self harming and so many other things. it seems out of my control and i dont know what to do. Im currently in an iop but I dont know if its enough rn with my SI and SIB recently. Any advice?

I steal my dad's alcohol on purpose to a point where it is noticeable because I want to get caught because deep deep deep deep deep deep down I want to get help and I want to live. #Deppressed #selfdestruction #Selfharm

Why do we push people away when we need them so badly? The people we love and care about the most, the ones that try their utmost
to help us and make us feel safe, loved, worthy. By “we” I actually mean “me” of course. I can feel that I am going into a downwards spiral, I’m either dragging the people I love down with me
or pushing them away, as far as possible, saying things I don’t even mean, telling them to leave me alone while that is the exact opposite of what I want. I tell them to just leave me alone and if they do, then I get upset and think that they don’t care enough. Why would I when that’s exactly what I told them to do? I feel both ashamed and selfish for acting this way, they don’t deserve this from me... I want to be better, for them.. and for myself. I feel so guilty for feeling this way, as if I am an unappreciative human-being feeling sorry for herself when there are others going through so much worse.. I just want to be better 🖤

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Relationships #selfdestruction

Can someone else please tell me they purposely put themselves in the situations where they want to scream, they want to run away, they would do anything for the situation to stop... but you purposely put yourself in that place just to feel the pain? Because it feels like the pain you deserve...
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #selfdestruction #Depression #anixety

I don't want to destroy anymore. Nor be destroyed. This has to stop. #selfdestruction #ToxicRelationships #lovenotlove #painandhurt