septic shock

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Battle

Can't talk, I'm in septic shock. This time the sirens wailing in the distance were coming for me. I'm headed in for an emergency gallbladder and appendix removal in the morning.
🏥

My mind is now entering into absolute battle mode. All I can do now is hold on. The war continues and my battle rages on. I am a godammed Warrior. I am still here. 🛡

#SepticShock #CheckInWithMe #GallbladderDisease #Appendectomy #Surgery #EmergencyRoom #Hospital #alone
#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis
#sad #Nosupportsystem

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The Christmas Tree

I never used to get fevers or vomit. Even with a ruptured #appendix & #SepticShock my temperature was normal?
Now I'm afraid this is the end everytime I reach for the thermometer.
I've survived the above mentioned ruptured appendix, #cholestectomy , blocked & 3 bouts of #Sepsis. My go time symptoms are vomiting & fever.
With all the abdominal trauma, I have #Gastroparesis or literally a broken gut. I must be mindful of what I eat & do enemas to have a BM.
I spent Xmas 2013 in the hospital. I vividly remember being visited by my Dr. Jan 1, 2014 at 10AM to be told I had #PseudomyxomaPeritonei. I had #Cancer. Then the hospital team recanted their diagnosis & I've been recovering ever since.
But I haven't recovered. I know after all my body has been through I should just feel lucky to be alive, but I'm not 1 to "exist". I want to LIVE!
Even in the depths of #Depression, my will to die was actually I don't want to live like this anymore.
So, now I sit with thermometer near by, no energy, no appetite, relentless pain in upper right quadrant that radiates to my back knowing my body is pristine until it's not, just waiting for the beast to show itself once more.
I haven't put up a Christmas Tree since 2014 because that year, the tree was a Valentine's Tree, St. Patrick's Tree...I got it down before Easter though.
I put up the tree this year to move past the traumas, to say I am the healthiest I've been in a long time, to say I am thankful for my life & to say not this year. But I can't erase the brink of death from my memory & so here I sit & wait...
Thanks for reading!
#MedicalPtsd #Fever
#Fear #Depression #Anxiety

1 comment
Post
See full photo

The Christmas Tree

I never used to get fevers or vomit. Even with a ruptured #appendix & #SepticShock my temperature was normal?
Now I'm afraid this is the end everytime I reach for the thermometer.
I've survived the above mentioned ruptured appendix, #cholestectomy , blocked & 3 bouts of #Sepsis. My go time symptoms are vomiting & fever.
With all the abdominal trauma, I have #Gastroparesis or literally a broken gut. I must be mindful of what I eat & do enemas to have a BM.
I spent Xmas 2013 in the hospital. I vividly remember being visited by my Dr. Jan 1, 2014 at 10AM to be told I had #PseudomyxomaPeritonei. I had #Cancer. Then the hospital team recanted their diagnosis & I've been recovering ever since.
But I haven't recovered. I know after all my body has been through I should just feel lucky to be alive, but I'm not 1 to "exist". I want to LIVE!
Even in the depths of #Depression, my will to die was actually I don't want to live like this anymore.
So, now I sit with thermometer near by, no energy, no appetite, relentless pain in upper right quadrant that radiates to my back knowing my body is pristine until it's not, just waiting for the beast to show itself once more.
I haven't put up a Christmas Tree since 2014 because that year, the tree was a Valentine's Tree, St. Patrick's Tree...I got it down before Easter though.
I put up the tree this year to move past the traumas, to say I am the healthiest I've been in a long time, to say I am thankful for my life & to say not this year. But I can't erase the brink of death from my memory & so here I sit & wait...
Thanks for reading!
#MedicalPtsd #Fever
#Fear #Depression #Anxiety

1 comment
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Victory or Defeat

Do you remember that tale about the farmer who goes through a series of events and each time the question is posed, “could be good, could be bad?” Things that are seemingly good turn bad and things that are seemingly bad turn good.

My life feels a bit like that. Almost died of pneumonia turned septic shock reveals underlying immune deficiency disorder. Treatment is available, but will shortage of plasma products impact that? Giant cystadenoma cuts off blood supply to ovary, but remember all those lifelong cysts on that ovary? Won’t have to worry now that it’s gone. But now that it’s gone is it wrecking my hormones and that’s why I’m so much MORE emotional?

It all feels like a bit too much. But I’m here. I’m trying. I’m holding on to this wild ride. #CVID #SepticShock