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Last night *trigger warning for sexual assult survivors*

I came over to my friends house last night for dinner and a movie and they took me to their room for the movie and tried to kiss me when I asked for a hug. I said “no”. And it turned out that they assumed I had been giving mixed signals to them for an entire year. They begged me to let them kiss me about 7 times before I gave in and they kissed me so hard I fell on their bed and they kept kissing me hard and I tried to hint to them I wasn’t into it and they didn’t get the memo. Instead they tried to put their hands in my private areas and I kept having to say no, over and over and move their hands over and over. I feel so horrible and mad at myself for giving in to make them feel better when I should have just kept saying “no”. I just need help processing this. They said super sexual things to me too asking if I wanted to orgasm and when I said no they asked if I wanted them to (answer was “no”) and they asked if I might be into them “licking my vagina” and it was just a horrible experience and I already called the hotline and they helped but I just still have to process this. I have told two friends. I fawn a lot unfortunately from childhood and now I’m just beating myself up bc I couldn’t stick with the boundaries I tried to set. #sexualassult #help #PTSD #Selfblame #Shame #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe

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Tips w SA with a significant other.

So my bf was SA 2 years ago and i don’t know the full story of what happened but he will express if it has been bothering him and recently it was the so called “anniversary” of it i couldn’t think of a better word to use for that.. anyways he told me that was the day and it was on his mind so he’s been mentally down. He won’t really give me any ideas to help and just says he’s fine and will be okay. The thing that I’m struggling with is when it happened to him he never got help and coped w alcohol at the time. I’ve been to therapy and learned how to cope with things and i know he doesn’t know how to with other things besides just this and he’s also is not open up to trying coping mechanisms and if it’s affecting him this much I’m just worried how it will be year after year bc he’s shutting me out and I’m his girlfriend not therapist so i can only do so much without him telling me how i could help. #sexualassult #CopingTips #Relationships


New Relationship PTSD Sexual Assult

mong other things that have happened in the last year I was sexually assaulted. This also brought up the same kind of memories from when I was 14. Things have been looking up. I haven’t had a suicidal thought in months. I’m not having panic attacks and I haven’t had a nightmare in a month or two.

Previously though, I was in a relationship where I was trying to get comfortable with sex. I communicated the most I could and stopped when I was uncomfortable but even if I enjoyed the time together I immediately felt used afterward and fell back into depression. I broke up with him sometimes every couple of days. The last time though, it was because I had a vivid flashback of the assault that happened at 14, I was attacked on the street at night and most of my life it’s been hard to bring up. The flashback got so bad that I didn’t know where I was for a minute or two. Every time he he did something small like rubbed my shoulder I told him I didn’t want to be touched. About a week later I broke up with him for good. I liked him but I felt like a burden and that he would never understand.

I started seeing someone again and suggested we just start out as friends. We’ve been hanging out about every weekend for two months now. During the week he’ll drop by. It’s been awesome. I feel like a girl in love for the first time.

This weekend we went on kind of a staycation and drank. We stayed at a hotel since we couldn’t drive and it was too far to Uber. We talked about not letting things get “weird” first. Well we finally kissed and it immediately led to him wanting to have sex. I kind of squirmed away and he backed off, said I could set the pace and he wasn’t pressuring me.

It actually led to me initiating it but I was pretty mixed up. I tend to think people will abandon me. I’ve told him I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD and said that it’s under control. Lately it has been. But I immediately regretted my decision to sleep with him but didn’t stop. I hadn’t explained anything about intimacy to him. When I felt like he was taking “control” and getting more passionate I mentally checked out. After I still kissed him and felt alright laying with him. When we were kissing though he stopped, looked at me, and said I look like I’m having an internal conflict. (Wow spot on) I told him it goes deeper than that, almost explained but just went to sleep.

Today at work it all hit me. I’m here alone and can’t stop playing out worst case scenarios. I like him so much I can’t get my words out to explain. You think it would be the opposite and I’d open up but it’s hard. I don’t want to complicate things but I don’t see an abstinent relationship working.

Does anyone have experience with new relationship and PTSD?

#intimacy #sexualassult #PTSD


#Depression #PTSD #Parents #sexualassult #Alcoholism

I have been feeling very low, and have done for the past year. I am on 40mg of citalopram and I am currently off work (I work a part-time job at a supermarket), I am also doing an Animal Management and Dog Grooming course at college.
There have been lots of issues (particularly with family) throughout my childhood and it's something I don't think i've ever quite dealt with.
When i was younger every single night was a screaming match between my mum and dad, for so so long! My dad would sometimes hit my mum too :/
when social services got involved it all got really messy and me and my sister was separated for a while either being with mum or dad or together with mum or dad. There was a time i didn't talk to my mum for a year and a time i didn't talk to my dad for a year and it was all very toxic to be involved with.
Currently i'm 19 and living with my boyfriend of over two years.. i'm very lucky to have the support system I have (him and my sister)
I'm struggling a lot at the moment but i'm not comfortable to share that in too much detail. I have passive suicide idealations frequently and am on the highest dose of citalopram atm and although it definitely takes the edge off and i have noticed a drastic difference when i've stopped taking them before, i'm still really struggling.
I feel like my dad doesn't care about me, he used to be a good dad and take me and my sister out with him instead of leaving us with out mum, but he's had a new girlfriend for 4 years and they have a kid together. I understand he needs time to spend with them but when i've asked if he could spend even 1 day a month just us so we can bond, he gets mega angry and has flipped tables and stuff before - it's really scary. His girlfriend isn't very nice to me and i can definitely feel some resentment since i'm a previous wifes child. She's said things like "idk if i could live with her" or T.W. "you'd come home and see me hanging from the stairs if we all lived together" - this was a year ago and it's fully broken me. I wish I didn't care but my dad took her side entirely and said i had taken it "out of context" even though my sister had recorded the whole thing, and the fact he took her side and then got angry with me for standing up for myself really made me hit a rock bottom i didnt know i could reach.
My mum is also an chronic alcholic and she's the loveliest mum when she's not drinking. it's very hard to talk to her especially at this time when my mind is in a dark place.
Also, around years ago , I went to a party quite far from home. And while I was practically unconscious (i was very drunk) in a room full of people this boy took off my underwear and tried to have sex with me. When i told him to get off he did and hit the wall. Although i didn't tell him to stop earlier i still feel violated by it and get flashbacks.
I want to feel better. I really want to. I've got councilling coming up and has councilling i'm the past.
pls help me :)

1 comment

dream crushing

my therapist told me today I couldn’t be a social worker due to my past trauma/low self worth... what do you think? #Anxiety #Depression #Suicide #sexualassult #lowselfesteem


I give up

Ihad court yesturday for the EPO and could of really used some support but only one person responded. Thanks for all the support mighties. I tought you were there for me. Guess not.
#CheckInWithMe #Suicide #Selfharm #givinguponme #imnotenough #Incest #SexualAbuse #sexualassult #


The struggle is real #CheckInWithMe

I don't know if the EPO has been served or what I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do now. I've got physical therapy in the pool. I'm afraid he will get me... #afraid #Selfharm #sexualassult