Social Phobia

Two of my coworkers, whom I thought were friends and cared apparently don't...my boss called me in early to her office, and the company nurse was there too; asking me if my "chronic health issue" was keeping me from doing my job.? The chronic health issues they were referring to are my 5 diagnosis of mental Illness. I talk about them yes, cause I studied them so I can recognize them.. my coworkers thoughts and feelings are "why is it our problem?" "We don't really care, we're here to work get paid and go home." The irony of this is that we work with developmentally disabled adults, some of them have some of the same issues I have, especially anxiety.. they still don't care.. I feel like an idiot because I thought I was helping..I was way wrong..im probably blowing this out of proportion. I feel like I shouldn't even post this cause it's stupid, and I'm complaining.. #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SocialPhobia #biopolardisorder #PanicDisorder

I've struggled with my mental health for the longest. I'm currently 18 and probably have dealt with it since the age of 10. Most of it started off as anxiety but it grew as I got older. As a child, I definitely had a bit anxiety but a lot of kids do, especially since I was attached to my parents and hated going to school. I consider myself a complex case. I'm sure some of my relatives think the same. I struggle with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, OCD, phobias (which I will delve more into), persistent depressive disorder, PMDD, and ADHD. I've been diagnosed by a professional, so this isn't just a list I made up.

With my anxiety, I have many triggers. Some are open spaces, some are areas with tall ceilings, some are crowded places, sometimes it's just the public scene, etc.. Anxiety can be complex because sometimes I'll experience anxiety for no reason or it'll be triggered by a sensation. My symptoms vary, too. Sometimes I'll experience a stomach upset, clamminess, fidgetiness, pins and needle feelings, hot flashes, derealization, dry mouth, burping, crying spells, overwhelmed (usually sensory overload), throat feels like it'll close up (the sensations that i hate), and so much more. It can be hard to build the courage to push out of my comfort zone because these symptoms are scary. Sometimes my heart will race or other times, I may feel some lightheadedness or just an impending doom of dread. It's scary and hard to deal with.

With my OCD, I have a variety of subtypes. There's the Harm OCD, Sexual OCD, Somatic OCD, Existential OCD, Memory OCD, and more. I'm often embarassed by some aspects of my OCD because the obsessive thoughts are hard, espeically when they're intrusive. My harm OCD has intrusive thoughts, my sexual OCD has intrusive thoughts, my somatic OCD focuses on my body sensations/feelings, my existential OCD focuses on my fear of time passing and going through identity crisises and questioning my own self and if i'm being me. Then, my memory OCD focuses on my fear of losing memories and wanting to remember every little thing. I also do have health anxiety lol.

My phobias are also very complex. I have agoraphobia, altocelarophobia (ties in my agoraphobia), batophobia (sort of ties into agoraphobia), emetophobia, and social phobia. Agoraphobia is basically a fear of no exit and being outside of your comfort zone and some triggers (which mine are) crowded areas, public spaces, open areas, and more. Altocelarophobia is a fear of high ceilings, which can really tie into agoraphobia. Batophobia is a fear of tall buildings because I feel so small compared to the building and of course,, I'm standing next to something that makes me feel off and strange. I like to feel comfort and safe, I do not like to feel like I'm exposed or ungrounded or unsafe. Emetophobia is a fear of vomiting, so yknow that. My social phobia isn't severe but it ties into my anxiety and oepning up to talk to people

I’m at one of the lowest points in my life. I feel like totally giving up. Just about everybody in my life has let me down massively. Nobody understands me nor do they care to. I can’t keep friends due to my #Aspergers and my situation in life. Apparently you need money to have friends and I have none. As soon as they find out how bad my situation is and how socially awkward I am they start running to find the chicken exit. Nobody cares really. They all just pretend to be my friend because to not be apparently friendly on the surface would look bad and then it would be too obvious just how much they really can’t stand me. I’m a black hole with no end in sight. I just confuse people, make them feel uncomfortable, and cost them money. I’m surprised there’s not any shooting range targets made up of me yet. I seriously feel hated, not disliked, hated by almost everyone I have ever met. Not only do I feel hopeless but I also feel worthless. I have a fear of interacting with people. I believe it’s called Social Phobia and it literally paralyzes me. I hate myself and who I’ve become. If I had the guts I would kill myself but trust me. I don’t.

I’m scared of people, I fear that they are out to get me.
I have isolated myself from all my family and all but two of my friends. I have a job but it’s hard to stay calm when others are around.
I feel like I have to put on a mask, to play normal. When I tell them my true feelings they laugh or look at me as if I’m from another planet. #alien

My thought is how important inner self talk is in the recovery process of anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia, etc. It takes some practice, some time, but not as much time as it takes to get to where our illness has immobilized us in some way. It involves paying close attention to what anxiety is negatively trying to have you BELIEVE as TRUE,. And at that Moment your positive inner coach is going to say things like " that statement is NOT TRUE, or " I will be fine" or " These feelings WILL NOT hurt me" etc. Etc.. be stern when you say these positive affirmations to yourself. You can make up your own affirmations that you feel are easy to say, as long as you are consistent every day. You are not fighting against your negative thoughts, you are just becoming the " Pilot" of your thought plane and not just a passenger. Your becoming the " Conductor" of your symphony of thoughts and not just a good listener any longer. YOUR taking back CONTROL of your train of thoughts, NOT with agression, but by re- directing them. It works! You have nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain. 🙂

I've never had the luxury to just be able to drop my guard down and relax. My life has been a huge perpetual battle,. Starting out as a child in 1976 I didn't realize how much inner strength I would NEED to accumulate over the decades for what was to come. At this time my father was a narcissistic alcoholic who physically and verbally abused me and my brothers because of his anger regarding his own life disappointments. They were very depressing years, filled with isolation and a daily fear that waxed and wained depending on his mood. In the blizzard of 1978 I was nine years old, my brother eleven,. I'll never forget that my father had sent us to the store for a pack of Lucky Strikes cigarettes while his snow covered car sat safely in front of the house. This is a small example of who my father was,. I believe a sociopath. Fast-forward into my teenage years,.introverted, fearful, Ptsd, and social phobic. My social phobia grew into agoraphobia and home confinement. I grew suicidal and desperate for a cure,. I had NO CHOICE but to teach myself how to overcome the intense fear, anxiety and deep depression if I was to continue living,. Period. With tons of reading self-help books ( no smart phones yet) and newspaper articles, tears and pure mental anguish I eventually overcame my agoraphobia and depression. Fast - forward to 2017 I had been married for 17 years to a narcissistic wife who tried extremely hard to degrade me and punish me ( she didn't realize the pure Hell I had to endure prior to her) I filed for divorce. Ended up losing EVERYTHING and EVERYONE due to a huge family dispute,. I remarried to my soulmate, we became homeless to escape her narcissistic brother and here we are in 2022!! After getting off the street, renting a room in a basement and always on foot., Still Struggling just for the basics at 52 years old. John 15:18 Jesus says, " Just remember, when the unbelieving world hates you, they hated me first." I have a theory that Most of us are handed a "metaphorical" but unjust Life- Sentence without a reason as to WHY, in our prison we call LIFE and it's a huge struggle to survive this prison to the end of our sentence,. Our everlasting Peace we could not find here can only be found when we leave this place. I hope that someone can draw inspiration to go on from My Story.

What is this thing called hope? Yes, this is a serious question. What frame of reference do you use to explain something to someone who has never know or seen hope? We liken the situation to finding a single Waldo in a swarm of people who all look slightly like Waldo. But none ARE Waldo.

We are, at this point, 47 days into our 2 new Antidepressants, 21 days into our Antipsychotic and no change other than we sleep an added 1 to 2 hours a night. We are grateful for that. Our meds are increased every 2 weeks. I, since none of the other want to attend at this time, do video chat with at least 3 Doctors every week. The all tell me that hope will help us in this wait and see pattern we currently find ourselves stuck within.

We believe that everything in our universe has a counter balance. Night has Day. These are concrete, provable, repeatable facts available to establish what distinguishes Night from Day. Where "Hope" along with, it's 1st cousins the other emotions and "feeling" are all abstract concepts not grounded by facts.

What reference points does one use when trying to describe abstract concept of "hope" to one who has never seen or experienced it in their lifetime. How would you describe colours to a person who has never seen them? We have as little insight into what "hope" or any of the "emotions" are, at this point. What is this thing called "Hope" and where do we find it?

#SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #Childhoodneglect #DomesticAbuse #DID #raynauds #Fibromyalgia #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #RheumatoidArthritis #DegenerativeDiscDisease #Hypertension #Trichiasis #irritableboweldisease #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AnxietyDisorders #PanicAttacks #Agoraphobia #Insomnia #Rosacea #Claustrophobia #heartmurmur #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Allergies #Dyslexia #OCD #Trichotillomania #cleithrophobia , #IntrusiveThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #haphephobia #EatingDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SocialPhobia #Acrophobia #Psychosis #DissociativeDisorder #audiohallucinations #visualhallucinations #intervert #raynauds

Greetings, Mighty Community! It has taken me a looong time to make my first post, so long, in fact, that I can hardly believe I'm really writing it right now.

I created my Mighty profile a while ago, and I've gotten a lot out of reading articles and posts. All that time, though, I've so wanted to reach out to others here, but have let perfectionism, lack of motivation (courtesy of depression), and formidable social phobia get in my way, time and time again.

For a good chunk of my life I've struggled with CPTSD, OCD, generalized anxiety, and the aforementioned crippling depression and social anxiety. It's been a very long and painful road, one that winds around and around and seems to get tangled up in painful detours more often than not.

So, regardless of how imperfect my negative self-talk tells me this post is, it's a relief to at least have written it!

Looking forward to connecting with you lovely folks here!