Stroke

So, my older cat has had some congestion type issues pretty bad for a few months. We've been taking him to the vet and tried a few things and he gets a little relief from the twice daily inhaler but nothing else has helped. He's lost a pound and a half in a month and a half and today we took him in to get him scheduled for a CT scan and confirm there's not much we can do but wait for the results of it. While we were at the vet she noticed that there's a pretty big difference in how dialated the pupils are. In getting a picture of it I noticed the 3rd eyelid hanging out on the eye that isn't as dialated. I am so afraid we are going to do this scan and be told that there is nothing they can do for him. Tomorrow is my husband and my anniversary only I don't feel much like celebrating right now. We already made plans with friends and I'm not going to back out (unless something changes again) but I am not feeling so great right now. I keep thinking either he could have cancer or had a stroke or something and with the weight loss...I am scared we are going to lose him. But I also hate that he's suffering. Mostly this is just an emotion dump because I need to get it out somewhere. I know we are doing the right thing working with the vet. My mother lives with us so she will be with the cat while we are out so she can keep an eye on him if anything changes. Just my husband is at work and my mom is not very good at comforting me.

We often hear about self-care and think of it as prioritizing your needs, getting outside, taking breaks, or enjoying the occasional bubble bath. But self-care is so much more—especially when you're living with a chronic illness. There are added layers of considerations, demands, and limitations that are often overlooked.

What are your thoughts on self-care while managing a chronic illness or chronic pain? What does self-care look like for you? What do you wish others understood about taking care of your needs and health as someone with a chronic condition?

📖 Need a thoughtful read on the topic? Check out today's Story of the Week here: 5 Alternative Thoughts on Self-Care for Chronic Illness

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Disability #Caregiving #RareDisease #Migraine #Stroke #CardiovascularDisease #AutonomicDysfunction
#PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #Spoonie #Lupus #Endometriosis
#Cancer #Anxiety #PTSD
#CheckInWithMe

Here we go, an impulsive seemingly random dreaded wave of panic washes over me.

What is it this time? What triggered the sudden rush of adrenaline? I was feeling so good today!?!? No time to process or identify the trigger; I have to prepare for the tsunami I feel building up inside of me.

Great, another "episode" to interrupt my day; both mental paralysis and odd bodily sensations show up pumping massive quantities of adrenaline through every vein in my body sending me into a state of panic and confusion because the world around me hasn’t changed, yet I feel like I’m about to be attacked by what!!? The dining room chair?!??

The unwelcomed duo have now fully arrived and the horror show will begin within seconds silently engulfing all of me with its insidious fangs as the world around me keeps carrying on. I grow quiet and turn inward as my mind is always the first participant to be tortured behind the invisible curtains from the people around me.

It's time. I prepare to fully surrender and get comfortable with the uncomfortable; to “let go” and "float" so I can get through this internal nightmare labeled “Panic Attack” quickly without anyone noticing. The psyche is always the first to be victimized into the trance of corrupted narratives stuck in a persistent loop of false reality. The words on repeat telling me I am going insane and will drop dead from a heart attack, stroke, seizure or brain aneurysm.

How can this just be all in my head!?!! The terrifying catastrophic thoughts triggering such mental anguish and fear!?!? The bizarre unsettling physical symptoms so intense you fight every urge to not run out of the room screaming like a lunatic, or even worse, call 911 because your mind has literally made up its mind that the Grim Reaper is the next guest to show up. Oh, and then there’s the compulsion to whip out your phone frantically researching DR. GOOGLE’s online medical records so you can really convince yourself that the tingling hands and feet is a confirmation that you now have a neurological disorder.

No matter how many hundreds, actually probably closer to thousands, of full blown panic attacks I’ve experienced in the last 20+ years of my life; my brain refuses to believe we’re going to be okay. Every single time the thoughts race around my head like a dog chasing its tail; exerting energy and getting nowhere.

I whisper to myself “Please don’t let me lose my mind or die this time.” At this point, I am just waiting for the day when permanent insanity joins the dynamic duo of mental paralysis and bodily sensations become the three musketeers, the ring leaders of the horror show.

The intensity increases rapidly as it pulls me into a dissociative state of terror like a riptide's tumultuous force dragging you out to the depths of the dark sea.

Great, another “episode”….. My body is extremely tense, my chest is tight, my limbs are wobbly and trembling, my breathing is labored from the rapid inhalation of hyperventilation resembling what feels like drowning in air.

I obsessively start mentally scanning my body frantically checking in on every little sensation of anything that could resemble a heart attack. "This is it. It has to be!" My inner dialogue intensifies growing louder with each overly drawn breathe. #PanicDisorder #Anxiety #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PanicAttacks