Another night no sleep. I’ve been in bed for days. No shower in two weeks. Hair is still half done. No self care at all. My partner and caregiver has died...I don’t miss him but I’m so lonely. The fear of death is looming overwhelmingly, but I’m not ready. My tears won’t stop but I can’t let my grandson see them. I laugh through the hurt for my grandson’s sake. The recent diagnosis of CHF doesn’t help. Drink more water says one dr...drink less fluids says another. Dishes in the sink but I haven’t cooked in more than a week. Floors needs sweeping and mopping. Did I feed and water my furry and feathered babies? Why do they have to suffer? In my prison with no bars I sit day after day “what day is it”? I’m not hoarding, I just need more storage. My body aches from the 100lb weight gain “side effects of the medications!” Take a walk, get some fresh air. I can’t, I’m scared! Anxiety and corona?! No energy! From the bed to the toilet, from the toilet to the bed. Sit at the table for a minute, eat a sandwich, something quick, minimal effort. Mad dash back to bed. When, why, how! I need help! Please don’t leave me to my own devices. Why don’t they hear me? I’m screaming inside.