Suicidal Thoughts

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I'm new here,

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder I joined the Mighty so that I can get a better understanding of BPD...in 2007 I was wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and it almost cost me my life as I tried to commit suicide quite a few times. The medication I was on was like fuel to a fire triggering and increasing my suicidal thoughts. It was about 7 years ago that I was diagnosed with BPD after my last suicide attempt, this time I ended up in hospital and was very close in succeeding, a few minutes longer and I would not be sitting here typing this message. Even with the correct diagnoses and new medication, I still couldn't cope because the new medication made although me calmer it also put me in a depressive state where I can sit in front of the TV just watching anything that's on while there's a filthy house to be cleaned. So at the moment my condition is untreated. On the one hand I feel better without medication but on the other hand I am struggling. It wasn't until this past week (after really putting in the effort to research) that I realised that I will never be in control of my emotions and sometimes my actions, it's really, really sad and scary at the same time. I so badly just want to be a happy, fully functional human being, wife and most of all mother....
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Why?!?! | TW suicidal ideation, swearing, some all cap text

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My laptop won’t turn on anymore. Everything starts up okay except that the screen is black. I REALLY hope that it’s just the battery…
JUST FUCKING WHY?! It was working JUST FUCKING FINE yesterday!!! I JUST HAD A GREAT DAY YESTERDAY, WHY DOES LIFE WANT TO HATE ON ME SO FUCKING MUCH?! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!

I FEEL LIKE LIFE JUST WANTS ME FUCKING DEAD. I don’t know how FUCKING LONG I can take this pain. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know!

JUST LET ME HAVE A FUCKING GOOD DAY WITHOUT IT BEING HORRIBLE THE NEXT DAY, GOD DAMN IT! If that can’t happen, I should’ve ended my life sooner. I hate this fucking life. I hate everything (/not literally). Fuck everything!!

Maybe I should just fucking end my life already. I HAD IT!!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #SuicidalIdeation #Grief #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #emotionaltrauma #Suicide

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I am in pain which I cannot control

I've been struggling with intense feelings of anxiety and anger almost all the time. These emotions are overwhelming, and I've been having suicidal thoughts. The fear of pain is the only thing that stops me from acting on these thoughts. Despite visiting numerous psychiatrists, I have never received a diagnosis. I feel lost and desperately need help to understand and cope with what I'm experiencing. #sad #Depression #Anxiety #Pain

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