I read about princes and kingdoms and fame
Of happy endings, true love found in the rain;
My head became full like a dreamers mixtape
Singing songs about happiness, sunshine and grace.

A world built of meadows, dew drops in the shade
Lived within the realm of endless summer days;
Colored by rainbows amid pots of gold
Sheltered between stories yet to unfold.

A picture not basking in hatred or blood
But a dreamland secured, locked in safety and love;
A place in which fear was virtually an unknown
Where worry's left on the doorstep you called home.

This fairytale land is what kept me afloat
Through times of neglect and feeling so alone;
I'd invite to tea friends made inside of my head
To stave off the reality of impending dread.

Of which always came as the lightning did crack
I'd hide in my closet, scared of the attack;
Didn't matter if it was by words or a hand
Each felt like a beating that never would end.

To soothe all the pain, I'd then take off and flee
Into such a land which I called make-believe;
Without it had not a clue how to survive
The contempt and failure that bled straight from your eyes.

And unto this day, although decades have passed
It's still hard to shake what scarred me like cut glass;
Yet no more do I turn to friends in my head
I simply detach and feel nothing instead.

By: Debra Brent
10/01/2021

#PTSD #SexualTrauma #Trauma #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #Depression #Anxiety #Childhoodtrauma #survivaltactics #Escape #DISOCIATION #Detachment #hurting #Grief #Healing #MentalHealth #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #Poetry #Pain #fairytales #Fear #neglect #FearOfAbandonment #Survivor