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    If I relive the past over and over am I bad

    I feel afraid of everybody. I feel like people want to hurt me all the time especially authority figures. I expect to get ab##t whooping. For no reason I feel attached to toxic people I beat myself up over everything. I'm jumpy. I hear voices. Am I alone in this?#if I struggle to forgive. I say sorry all the time. I feel unsafe sometimes I feel like I wake up wanting to fight. Is there a way to overcome this. I pray all the time I still obess over alot. My disability scares people. I feel like a failure as a christian. I hope it's ok to post this#


    × What Make's Someone Truly Happy In Thier Life. × #Openingup #t .W.

    × For Me Being Alone And Independent Truly Make's Me Happy. Why You Might Ask ? My Answer Is Very Simple ♡ I Don't Have To Answer To Anyone... I Don't Have To Give Up Thing's Just To Please A Partner. I Can Finally Dress x Wear What I Damn Well Please Now. And Go To Sleep Whenever I Want Too. I Don't Have To Go To Place's That I Don't Want To Go Too. I Can Have My Very Own Friend's... And Talk To Whoever I Want. I Hated Being Controlled x And I Gave Up Thing's x Did Whatever The Other Partner Alway's Wanted. I Hated Having Unannounced Random Vist's In My Former Home Without My Say So. I Was " NEVER " Made A Priority. Now I Can Do That For Myself. Alot Has Changed Within Me. I Used To Be A Very Angery Miracle-Gro Human Being. Mainly Do To All The Losse's That I Have Experienced x And My Assult. I Lost My Soul Within Anger... Mood Swing's. No One Should Watch People Die In Front Of Them. Material Thing's Come And Go. It's A Good Thing That I Wasn't All About Brand Name's. I Was When I Was A Teen. I Don't Have To Keep Up With The Joneses. Spend Huge Amount's Of Cash. For Nothing. I'm Slowly Learning Within How To Be Happy x F. I.E.R.C.E . With My Body...Mind...Soul. My Mental Health Recovery Is A Never Ending Journey. My Physical Health Is A Battlefield Of Scar's x Non Stop Severe Pain. When That Effect's Me That's When My Depression Kick's In. And The Devil Called #Insomnia .. Wreaks Havok. This Is My Own Battle Within To Heal × Get Better. #Thank You #for Your Continued Support Mightie's × ☆☆☆☆ S.K. ☆☆☆☆#Openingup #t .W.


    Dear God:

    I was Born Again more than 35 years ago, after being a terrible person doing terrible things. On my knees my first night in jail, facing 11 to 15 years in a State Penn. I deserved many, many more than that. My life changed, my thought process changed. My pain from my childhood, that turned me into the bad guy, forgotten. Vanished. I had just graduated the year before.
    This is harder than I thought it would be. I was arrested for stealing money from my foster mother, a wealthy old woman. I was her slave, literally. Lots and lots of money. Been doing it since I was 12. Her bank never said anything when I'd bring her to the bank to get some money. She said "fill it out for $100.00." I'd add an extra 0, and pocket the rest. Over time as the bank got used to me cashing her checks, they never asked any questions. It didn't take me long to figure out a way to make her sign something. She never said a word, but she knew and didn't care because she was very wealthy, and I was her slave and protection (we lived in a pretty bad area of a very large city). I was very heavy into martial arts. An extremely good fighter. For years. Sometimes a couple thousand dollar withdrawal slips a week.
    We moved to a different state to a teeeeny school. From 3000 pupils, to less than 200. I was rich, I was feared by the bullies because the first two weeks were spent beating the s%#t out of the biggest and meanest guys. I never hurt anyone else, just the bad ones.
    When I wasn't in school (never went to 7th, 8th, 9th, or half of 10th grade, paid kids to do my schoolwork)where I came from,I was fighting in an alley where skinny little white boys never went. I lived for it.
    When I was about to turn 18,I told her I was joining the military and leaving her.
    So.....she decided to call the police and tell them.
    I just lost EVERYTHING.
    They let me make 3 withdrawals for a grand each (turning it into a felony charge.
    My first night in jail,on my knees crying, I asked Him to come into my life. All the pain, memories, anger, violence, showing off, all things negative, just Vanished!!!! I literally forgot about the things that my little sister and I went through. Gone!!!
    I was saved by the Blood.
    Got married. Had a son, had another son.
    Life with Christ was wonderful!!! When my oldest was 5,I caught her and my best friend were having an affair for the past year and a half.
    Stayed together for our sons.
    She left me in 2012 after I had a double stroke because she didn't want to take care of me. She filed for divorce, but had to wait until I was "mentally capable " to stand in front of the judge (the stroke made me forget very easily) .like scrambled eggs in my head. That's that.
    Now, as my body pays for the violent person I was, and the many years of hard work I've done. Dr. says that I have the body of a 95 year old. I'm 54, and EVERYTHING hurts.
    Years of pain and violence caught up with me. I have 63 characters left, so I'm going to quit for tonight. Gd nyte

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    The look I give when I see pain cream commercials that “make people pain free”

    I’ve tried all the OTC topical pain creams and none of them work on my arthritis. I just sit at stare at the 📺 and am like “what the sh#t biscuit!”(Me and my Dad’s favorite line from Deadpool 😆)
    I don’t expect the creams to work on fibro but they are useless for my arthritis.
    #ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis

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    Beating depression #Depression #challengeyourself #beatingdepression #pushyourself

    Depression is sh#t but I have decided to challenge my depression and myself and took my hand to a little bit of woodturning over the weekend.
    I don't say I'm proud of my self often but I am very proud of my 1st ever bowl made out Rhododendron. There are chips and scrapes and I know it is not perfect but I love it 😁
    Has anyone else challenged themselves over the past few weeks?

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    COMPLEX TRAUMA #t rauma survivors

    I am grateful to be a survivor of numerous different traumas - physical and mental and spiritual abuse compiled with various diagnosed disorders deemed to be incorrect.
    My methods of coping differ depending of various factors besides my moods. On a cool cloudy day I love to connect with nature; reading I have always found helpful be it fiction and or non--fiction and if I stay in my room in the Nursing Home, put on my oil burner with frangipani and make sure curtains are open to let in fresh air.
    My music is also a consoling mechanism, so I am grateful to have so many distractions and a helpful staff.
    As I always say have a good day and try to be kind to yourself

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    #funny &true #isthatthemouthyoukissyourmotherwith

    When I saw this it made me think of my two youngest sons. They were raised in a Catholic household with very little cussing; if Dad hit his thumb with the hammer he might have said s!#t but that was the extent of it. Now when I talk my 24 year old, every other word is the "F" word. I just don't get it.


    The new level of #Paranoia

    So here is the new level of #paranioa .
    First you wonder whether you have a paranoia, then you are submitting an online quiz/test, which indicates high level of paranoia and offers prof #t .herapists. Then you start hesitate that this quiz, no matter of answers, is juggling you just to offer these therapists and fleece your money, so you submit the test with false answers to check the result. Then, you start searching the names of the therapists to be sure that they are real people, and not the bandits..... and at this point you realize how far you have gone with your#hesitations and #fears .


    Does anyone else feel #anxious after sleeping in and taking meds late?

    Lately I've again developed a habit of staying up late and sleeping till noon or sometimes even till 1 or 2 pm, I don't know how to get this back on track, and I always feel like sh#t when I wake up late, especially after taking my #Xanax and #Sertraline.


    I have so many thoughts in my head. I can’t feel.

    Way too many thoughts. I’m lonely. #t loneliness sucks