So, having 3 chronic lung illnesses with severe persistent daily asthma as the worst of the 3, it is a daily decision to live for the day and risk dying or by not doing anything being dead to the world to ensure survival again for another day.
Some days I'm all for living my life as full as possible with as many interactions with others as possible. But this comes with greater risk. The risk lies in the issue of the more active I am, the more likely I have a fatal asthma attack. So to live is to risk dying. If I decide to do nothing and stay home away from the world, it's weather, it's people, I most likey dont have a fatal asthma attack but this is dying inside to me as I am a social butterfly and love participating in life to the max daily. Then throw in constant 24/7 labored breathing at best. Most days I try to find a balance between the 2, dying to live or living to die.
I have come to a peace about it all though. I have already lived a life enough for 5 lives. I have already completed a very full bucket list and have started a second bucket list. I should not be alive if justice was served because of everything I have been through. So I am already very lucky to be alive let alone be able to live a somewhat full life still even though my lungs are really bad. I need to live life as free and full as possible while trying to accommodate my illnesses. This is where my heart and soul is. This completes me.
So when I go about my every day doings and have 1 of daily several asthma attacks and am faced with "is this the one that takes me... " I try not to panic, use rescue inhaler ASAP and do everything I can to make it througn the attack no matter how severe which usually my attacks are moderate to life threatening. most attacks it gets to the point of not being able to breath at all for at least 20 seconds. Some attacks I end up in emergency room. Mysevere doctors have told me the more active I am, the more likely it is that I will have a fatal attack.
So living is dying and dying is living. This is my daily struggle with how much do I want to risk dying to be able to live life comfortable for me.
I hope this can bring comfort to other asthmatics. Our struggle is real but life is more real to me so I will be there in life... to live as full as possible. #Asthma #ChronicObstructivePulmonaryDisease #Emphysema #Chronicbronchitis #ChronicIllness