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I Am Not Defined By My Illness

Playing around with fonts to create stencils for tattoos #howicope #iamnotdefinedbymyillness #EasilyDistracted or #jumpseverywhere when I’m able to express my #thoughtsANDfeelings #Insomnia #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PTSD #Depression #SocialAnxiety #PanicDisorder #Type2Diabetes #cronicmigraines #HighBloodPressure #HighColesterol #ImOnly42 #SlowlyRecoveringFromNarcissisticAbuse #LossOfFamilyMembers one after another after another. #WasTerminatedFromMyJob because of my #illness the company makes one feel #expendable #nowellnesscheck #nophonecallortext a little over a month, then #terminated via #Email #whodoesthat ? And why did my #Casemanager repeatedly tell me to have my #Psychiatrist re-do the #forms AGAIN for like the 3rd, 4th time? I am very #Disappointed at that #multimillionaire #Company prior to my #breakdown I was #harassedatwork too. I don’t understand… #whyme ?

5 reactions

Told my mom about moving in with my dad...it didn't go well | TW parents, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, swearing, one all cap text, suicide ideation











I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

13 reactions 3 comments

Tough Season

I’m walking through a very tough situation. Please pray for me. My job fell through and is now a legal matter. I must move because I have no income. I cannot understand why this is happening. My heart aches.

#hurt #Disappointed

32 reactions 8 comments
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How to cope with regret? Guilt or what if thoughts 💭?

Recently going through a breakup, somewhat mutual but I brought up the fact that maybe we are going around in circles breaking up and getting back together, I had a bad panic attack/ crying I was stressed/ overwhelmed and they meant well to support me but were comparing me, saying I should be stronger, crying makes me weak etc, English isn’t their first language but they speak it well 🗣️, and I guess I was hurt because I know they meant well but it just made me feel more crappy and stigmatized, they kept going on and on and comparing me to other people etc. I know they loved me and were just concerned, but it sucks i feel regret though I feel in my gut it was problem for the best for both of us. But almost 3 years into a relationship
It’s still hard to let go. I’m proud of myself for doing a lot better than I expected but it’s hard when you get those emotional breakdowns and are just overwhelmed by everything and life in general.

#breakup #recovering #MentalHealth #Hurts #grieving #relationship #Ex
#healthybuttoxictoo #help #kindreminders #helpme #sad #Crying #Upset #Disappointed #regrets #dontknowwhattodo #isolated

21 reactions 7 comments

Normal EEG test

So, the EEG came back normal, back to drawing board. it is not siezures so I should be happy, and I guess I am. Just ugh, I want to be able to be active again without feeling lightheaded and it getting worse later in the day.

Keep having episodes where I can’t stay conscious. I have light headedness/ sluggishness that happens before hand. I attempt to lay down to relieve it and it gets worse after. I can hear what is happening around me during the loss of consciousness but vaguely.

Fighting it off is the hardest and if I stand go get water trying to walk feels weird. Apparently too vague for doctors to understand. Doctors just keep saying I need to lose weight or see a therapist. I know what anxiety feels like and it is seperate.#Undiagnosed #Disappointed #unanswered

13 reactions 11 comments

Now I‘m alone

Now I'm sitting here with only my best friend; she's the only one I have left. My mother doesn't text me anymore because I told her that it can't go on like this - I'm dying in the relationship. And now it hurts. It hurts to see mother and daughters somewhere who are happy, and to see parents who are good to children and love them. It hurts. I'd like to write to her, but what's the point? #Toxicmom #Toxic #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Disappointed

1 reaction 25 comments

× I'm Done I Have No Family Anymore... I Have Alway's Felt Like A Black Sheep. × #Disappointed #sad #Angery

× Sooo Since I Was A Newborn Me And My Twin Brother Were Put Up For Adoption In 1984. My Brith Mother I Guess Didn't Want Damaged Babies With Cerebral Palsy...Learning Disabilities Etc. We Got Adpoted By A Mexican Family That Already Had Another Foster Kid Aka My Sister. But She's Not My Sister She's Adopted Also. In Short One Of My Older Brother's Decided To Send Me Nasty Mean Text's. Saying That I Need To Get My S$%t Together × And Get On Disability ASAP. I Have Tried They Take Six Month's To Apply. I Have Gotten Denied Already. And Everyone I Have Talked To With SSA Write's Me Off. Telling Me That I Need To Be In A Wheelchair. In Order To Get Disability In TX. I Gave Up Because It's Too Much Stress. That's Why I Would Rather Work. Ever Since I Have Moved Back Here. It Has Been Nothing But Asking Me Question's About Money. I Walked Away From My 17 Year Marriage With Nothing. No Spousal Support Ethier. Today My Brother Really Showed His True Color's. He Texted Me. To Stay The Hell Away From Everyone. And To Pretty Much F%%% Off. I Might As Well Play Dead Then. Sincerely S.K.#NoFamilyAnymore #Onmyown


Safe Space #sad #Disappointed #triggered #SexualHarassment #lonely #depressed

so I've been on this app for 24hrs and I already had a man message me trying to bully and pressure me into sending him body pics of myself. Another request I blocked was from a man who was one person in his profile picture one moment and then suddenly a different person drastically the next time I looked. Are there a lot of scammers on this app?? I joined this app to have a safe space. I imagine ppl prey on vulnerable people on this app... which is very disheartening. I definitely don't want to be harassed or preyed upon like this is a dating app or something.. which isn't ok on a dating app either.. this man was telling me his wife died and he might lose his kids to repeatedly trying to make me feel like I owed him a picture of my body which was extremely triggering.. I did block an report him. I hope he doesn't do this to anyone else on here who may fall into his pressuring.. his choice in words were very manipulative. I'm feeling defeated and hopeless. I've been extremely reclusive no social media or anything and anytime I put myself out there online I start losing faith in humanity... but I am greatful for the positive interactions on here. I have a consult with for a potential new therapist tomorrow and I definitely did not need the messages I received tonight :(

1 reaction 59 comments

Has anyone else experienced a considerable degradation of attention by doctors to regular “maintenance” issues since teh pandemic started?

While I fully rtealise and appreciate the extra strain that health care workers have been under since the pandemic started I am experiencing a complete lack of response or care from my GP this year (2021) to the point that I have been left without refills and effectively forced into withdrawals (OxyContin & Baclofen) because they have failed to respond to me in anything close to a timely manner. The worst situation, involving multiple phone calls and emails it took me three weeks to get a refill prescription. I’m dealing with this again and it’s incredibly unsettling. Just wondering if it’s just my doctors or if it’s something other people are also experiencing? #Fibromyalgia #Annoyed #distressed #Disappointed


Needing encouragement

I am what I call "spinning out". My thoughts are caught in that typical repetitive cycle and I can't shake it off. I helpless. Depleted.
Disappointed. Sad. Frustrated.

Anyone have any good quotes for tough days/weeks?
TV shows or podcasts to take my mind off things? Audiobook recommendations? Affirmations? Prayers?

Hoping a run with my friend will help in the morning but she's in a good place and i don't want to drag her down.

Please send some goodness, prayers, or light my way.

#GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Depression #Disappointed #runner