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Endless nightmare. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #CPTSD #schitzoaffective #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #VoicesInMyHead

I am struggling. And then some. I journal entry for this week has been I couldn’t tell whether I was going on a full schizo break mentally or if it was doctors stupid fault for allowing me to just abruptly stop a medication let alone a benzo that I’ve been on for quite a while. They should not be allowed to do this to mentally ill people. And Us be the ones to suffer That’s truly is not fair! He would think that there should be a rally or something. Hell people have parades for everything else signs for everything else everywhere!! I couldn’t even play with my granddaughter like I would have loved to do because the stupid TV would not stop talking to me around the air fans maybe it’s white noise kind of like those paranormal TV shows. Maybe I’m just the one that can hear them happy the rest of the world is crazy and I am not. I wonder if the rest of the crazy people ever think this as well. No seriously!? Surely, I cannot be the only one. Maybe it was stress that tired at all if other people were only in my shoes they would understand. And I’m so intensely stressed out that I can’t even write in journal about how stressed out I truly am and what is going on now because it is past that line that’s damn line do you know the one? Does anyone know what to call it? The endless nightmare that is what I’m going through that is how I feel this week. Sorry for the stupid rambling that I so distraught that I cannot even get it out


Does anyone know any good distractions from listening to the voices?

ive heard voices for as long as I can remember, and they get louder when im depressed or stressed. Im currently writing my dissertation, so stress is at an all time high but I cant think straight when Im hearing constant voices shouting over each other to get my attention. Does anyone know of anything that helps? I've only ever used music to block it as best as I can

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The Voice = The Disruptor

Few days ago, another sleepless nite and then, for the first time ever, I heard a voice talking to me. It's a bit weird but not scary, I ended up sleeping on the floor, almost went in under my bed, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I wasnt sure whether I answered to the voice, actually having a conversation or my mind is deceiving me.

I've been blasting loud music from my headphone.
Told my psychologist n she said it's hallucination and she's worried. Wanted me to go to a psychiatrist and I'm kinda reluctant.

I'm not sure what the voice want and afraid it might come back?
#MentalHealth #Depression #Stress #VoicesInMyHead

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Feeling like the worlds crashing down #SuicidalThoughts

Today I don’t feel anything I feel worthless to this world my head is talking away of how everyone would be better off without me and I believe it all I am is a depressed headache to people my thoughts in my head won’t go away they’re getting stronger by the hour #VoicesInMyHead


Well, he's back

Damien, the voice in my head, is back.

he likes to think he's in control and to try to take it, even though he can't have it, because he's a voice, not an alter.

I know he's just a coping mechanism my brain created, but it's still annoying when he tries to wrestle the controls out my "hands"

So, yeah, fun


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Soul Windows (This one is “Voices”)

I paint scenes and messages on old windows. I call them Soul Windows. This one is called “Voices”. #BipolarDisorder #VoicesInMyHead #Art #ArtTherapy #painting



the cigarette smolders in my left hand

ashes hanging, ready to fall

fall away like the thoughts at the edge of my mind

useless and consumed

consumed by the churning, grinding, never-ending voices in my head

yellings and moanings and whisperings

whisperings to do things, to say things, to feel things

that will hurt

hurt me, hurt others, hurt chances

make them stop. please make them stop

stop the racing, stop the mumbling, stop the madness

#MightyPoets #Bipolar1 #RacingThoughts #VoicesInMyHead


I need to rant.

So, i have a Fitbit Watch and you can get messaged and things through on it if the Bluetooth is on, but I don’t turn it on during the day because the Bluetooth wastes my battery on my phone so I don’t get any phone notifications through during the day. Last weekend at work, I felt really unwell and had a tight chest and was struggling to breathe, so I kept checking my heart rate to make sure there wasn’t anything abnormal since I was already struggling to breathe. To do this, I have to scroll on my watch so it could potentially look like I’m checking messages. My manager sent a message today to our group chat for work saying that there has been a customer complaint and we all have to stop wearing watches on the shop floor that can connect to our phones. I’m not the only one to have a smart watch, and I very rarely check anything on it other than the time but this weekend just gone, I checked it a lot for my heart rate, and even though there are other people who use theirs regularly and do reply to and check messages so it might not be my fault. I just can’t help thinking that it was me checking my heart rate that made someone complain and I’m the reason nobody can wear their watch on the shop floor.

I love my job so much, it’s only part time but it’s an absolute dream come true to work there and all of the people are so lovely and they cheer me up when I’m feeling down and I can’t help but think I’ve let them all down and they’re all going to hate me now. I just feel so guilty and chances are it might not have been me, but because it’s happened today after my tight chest and checking my heart rate, I feel like it’s my fault. I just needed to rant. I spoke to my best friend about it and she was reassuring and then spoke to my mum but she said that it probably was me because it looked like I was checking my messages, rather than heart rate.

Part of me wants to ask my manager on Saturday if they named anyone so I could explain but I don’t want her to think I’m trying to find out who’s fault it was if it wasn’t me or if they weren’t named or anything. I’m so torn on what to do but whatever I do, I wish the voice in my head would leave me alone. #Paranoid #Anxiety #Depression #VoicesInMyHead