Whattodo

It’s Mother’s Day. I feel alienated, blocked from communicating with my oldest daughter. Basically, she’s completely shutting me out. I don’t know what happened, or what I did..Maybe nothing? Maybe something? She’s also not communicating with her Dad. Her husband said that she is suffering from a bad Bile Reflux, it has been making her ill to her stomach for months. It’s making her weak, and it has made her suffer weight loss.(-I knew this. I just hope her doctors can do something before she losses more weight. She’s in a NED currently, so that’s great.)
I just saw a social media post where my daughters are together on a trip to Pittsburg. Ummm, she can’t be that sick to not respond to a text, a want for a phone call, or just a responsive:“hey Mom..”? It’s like my child has ghosted me. I’ve had several people that I was close to in the past, try to push me away, because of their Cancers. I’ve seen it. Is it because they think you can’t possibly know what they are going through? Is it because they want to spare you the pain of their demise, but are actually causing their loved ones a great deal of emotional pain and anguish, by pushing themselves away, by distancing completely.? #MothersDay #BreastCancer #itscomplicated #Grief #Whattodo #Family #PTSD #Havemyownissues #Care #Depression

I haven't had the need to see a counselor in a few years.... That is until my daughter got married and we moved into her new house from our house. I am 35 minutes from a grocery store, hospital etc etc. My doctor's are still in old town except primary care. She's the other way. She wasn't comfortable managing my psych meds like old PCP, and since I now have 0 support people in this state, I need someone unbiased
But my former counselor of 20 years, is now retired. So I just finished the 3 session intake and we'll start counseling on Tuesday. I don't even know where to start with her. I really miss Jerry, and I already feel that way being built up brick by brick. It's a great of the unknown, a great of saying the wrong thing and her taking it wrong and have me admitted. It has been 12 years since my last admit. I used to be admitted every few months.
Has anyone had to get a new counselor after years with another? If so, how did you handle the change? Any input is welcome!

#Newpsychobabbler
#MajorDepression
#Whattodo
#settingnewboundaries

There is a chat open on the common computer at work. One of my coworkers has asked about how I was acting today. The reply is “she´s exhausting, and I have a headache”. Then the man sends a photo of a note that I had forgotten in the break room. He said I had to take my one advises. Dissing me. Undermining my disorder. Because the note was for me. No one was supposed to see it. The note is one of my mechanisms for not getting an angry outburst.

They both know about my condition. None of them have ever asked about it. Tried to understand me. They don’t know how difficult it is to be me on my worst days. Never feel like I have a genuine feeling. Everything at once. Nothing at all. Overflow with feelings. Then an empty whole with no bottom. Trying to control the anger I have inside. Not beign able to control it. Have an outburst. Lose control. When I have no idea who I am.

As you might have figured, I have BPD, borderline personality disorder.

It hurts me to read this chat knowing that they are making fun of my mechanism to survive the day. When I go around hating myself, not knowing what I feel or how to react in a situation. Not knowing who I am. Have no ground to stand on. They make fun of me and the strategy I have when I´m struggling the most.

So what do I do about the coworkers? Do I confront them, or let it go?

Having fibromyalgia is not the easiest in the world. I try and hide the pain, or at least not talk about it. I try to make sure I try and keep it under control. I try to live as normal as possible. I cannot handle arguing or bickering so I really, really try not too. It just physically hurts too damn much. There are many times I find that I get very irritated by someone’s anger, it just pisses me off. They have no idea what it is like so the anger makes me even more angry. How do I stop doing this. I feel like I may just explode. 🤯 #anger #Fibro #contol #Whattodo

Having fibromyalgia is not the easiest in the world. I try and hide the pain, or at least not talk about it. I try to make sure I try and keep it under control. I try to live as normal as possible. I cannot handle arguing or bickering so I really, really try not too. It just physically hurts too damn much. There are many times I find that I get very irritated by someone’s anger, it just pisses me off. They have no idea what it is like so the anger makes me even more angry. How do I stop doing this. I feel like I may just explode. 🤯 #anger #Fibro #contol #Whattodo

Last week I cold turkey stopped all my meds. I let my doctor know and she is angry with me. I don’t want to take meds anymore and I said I would put alarms on my phone to take them but I still am not taking them. My doctor said I have to take them or find a new doctor. Do I lie and say I am taking the meds so I don’t loose my doctor of 30 years or do I tell the truth and go without a doctor? I don’t lie usually but I would rather die than take the meds. #Whattodo

I pulled something in my foot. I have hyperextensive joints, fibromyalgia, ect. Not sure if it’s even worth it to see a doctor after several days of swelling and pain. And I can’t afford an urgent care or ER visit. :/ #Whattodo #Fibromyalgia #stuckinarut

I was searching for some tv show recommendations and came across this app. it doesn’t only recommend you tv shows but also: music, movies, new apps, restaurants near by, items you may be interested in, books, etc. and I thought i might as well share it with you guys just in case you’re interested :) peoople.app/steephnicole_ #DistractMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Distractions #Whattodo #distractiontactics #quarantinelife #boredom #helpeachother #Alternative #AnxietyDisorders #Entertainment #Mindfulness

Unbeknownst to me, I was diagnosed as having Lupus SLE in 1998. In 2013 a Dr wanted to test me for it. However, I used to care for my late ex-mom-n-law. (I knew the signs and symptoms) So when the Dr said he wanted to test me, I told him NO. Why, you may ask. Well to be totally transparent, I was in DENIAL. So in 2018 when my symptoms got worse, I requested my Dr to run the tests. These tests were ran twice by one Dr... with an UNDENIABLE POSITIVE. So I get sent to a Specialist and again my tests where with an UNDENIABLY POSITIVE. Now it's 2020 my Lupus is all over the map, with flare-up after flare-up. I still have yet to start treatment. My question to everyone is: am I better off just managing it with diet and homoeopathics or alternative treatment. Or am I better off going with the traditional western medicine? I've known of several people that have/had Lupus. From Neonatal, Discoid, Subacute Cutaneous, Drug-induced, or Acute Cutaneous Lupus. Of which all were treated with Western Medicine and they're overall health was horrible!! Were as, myself is concerned. My health is good for the most part, considering I'm an untreated immunocompromised patient. Open for discussion, comments and/or concerns. But, only if delivered with love and concern. No belittling or shaming!!