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Forgive me ❤️

Hello fellow caregivers! I wanted to write a quick post to update you on my life. I apologize for my intermittent posting, I realize I haven’t been as active as usual.

I have spent my winter break recovering from COVID-19. I am still quarantining because another member of my family has tested positive. It’s giving me a few more days to recover so I can’t complain. I am having some of the lasting effects so I am keeping an eye on the symptoms and keeping in communication with my doctor.

So I apologize for being somewhat absent lately. I hope you all had a wonderful new year! Don’t hesitate to comment or message if you’d like to chat. Right now my couch is my best friend.

#COVID19 #Caregiving #quarantinelife

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recommendations during quarantine

I was searching for some tv show recommendations and came across this app. it doesn’t only recommend you tv shows but also: music, movies, new apps, restaurants near by, items you may be interested in, books, etc. and I thought i might as well share it with you guys just in case you’re interested :) peoople.app/steephnicole_ #DistractMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Distractions #Whattodo #distractiontactics #quarantinelife #boredom #helpeachother #Alternative #AnxietyDisorders #Entertainment #Mindfulness



The walls move closer,
in that imperceptible way
that a flower blooms:
unseen but the soul knows
even when the mind can't
grasp the movement.

Months of precaution
Days of fear
branch out into
Weeks without touch.
Isolation from the smallest
brush of the hand,
or feel of another human soul.

The solitary caretaker
allowed to participate
in this quarantined life,
can be heard from between
other walls in other parts of home,
briefly intersecting
between closed doors or
glimpses from afar,
voices muted by brightly colored fabric,
raised to bridge the barriers,
span the distance.

Worry overwhelms desire for
human touch,
unmuffled voices,
unmasked smiles.
Need brushed aside for
this enemy unseen,
heart raging against loss of control,
tempered by a cautious mind.

Loss of connection breeds
bitterness, fear.
Darkness seeping through
the cracks in my heart.
Skin hungers, arms utterly empty,
chest aching from viral effects,
physical and emotional.

The virus eases
but clings,
like walking through spider webs,
leaving me to wonder
is it still there or
are these remnants
only phantom memories.

But still,
caution expresses love
in this pandemic world
so here I sit
watching and wondering
if I can, if I will
impossibly see
the walls move closer.

~ Remy Soberanes

#quarantinesurvival #quarantinelife

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Maniac Monday?

First haircut in a year. I’m immune compromised so going to a salon just wasn’t an option. I’ve felt a heaviness for a long time, but today I feel liberated. The coolness on the back of my neck is like being touched by an angel. Is this a manic episode? Perhaps. But I’m not sorry. I feel free. #quarantinelife #quarantinehaircut #Depression #MentalHealth #manicdepression


How to rebuild social support system

Hi I have cut some people out of my life for various reasons and am almost completely alone these days. My phone broke and I lost my Facebook login, I'm between jobs and ended a 12 year relationship recently. I feel like I've lost a lot of friends and family to toxic narcissism and alcoholism among other things.

How do I begin to rebuild my life and attract good people who actually care about me to surround myself with?

#Friends #Makingfriends #Friendship #Loneliness #SocialAnxiety #SocialDistancing #quarantinelife #Recovery #Introvert #Agoraphobia #boredom #Insomnia #Kindness


My advice to victims of abuse right now <3

A garden gifts the hungry food, and it gifts the trapped a taste of freedom. You are still free to grow from within, from a yard, balcony, or windowsill. For victims of abuse, garden therapy could be the stepping stone to victory. When my redbud tree bloomed late two years ago, I thought: If she can prove him wrong, so can I. This is my story.
#quarantinesurvival #quarantinelife #quarantinethoughts #quarantinesucks #selfcare


A little rant about my big weekend

So yesterday and today I did a hard thing that I know will be good for me in the long run. I packed up my apartment that I haven't lived in for the last 2 months and permanently moved in with my parents. When the lock down started I was debited. Not because it meant a huge change in my day to day life but because it didn't. During the school year I isolated so much. I got to school far away from friends and family, and the stress and time consumption make it impossible to get out and do anything. I was just finishing up the semester and looking forward to some time to socialize and relax, but that was taken away. I was struggling so hard to get through and get out of my head when the governor told me that was all I could do for the foreseeable future. For the sake of my mental health I decided to stay with my parents until the lock down ended. Looking back, I honestly think that decision has saved my life.

Then I made an even bigger choice to move permanently. So this weekend I went back to my apartment, packed, and moved everything I own. It was a lot more stressful than I thought it should be. I hate moving already and this is the worst time for it. I didn't have help from friends to keep me sane as I boxed up every last possession. I didn't get to visit with my favorite neighbor one last time. I didn't get to take my moving crew out to lunch before we caravaned upstate.

I think the hardest part though was accepting that I was so emotional. I hated that apartment every second that I lived there. I didn't know I could have so many anxiety triggers, from the street noise to the paper thin walls with loud neighbors next door. Some nights I just cried because I felt so alone and overwhelmed. But then when it came time to pack up and leave I felt like crying and I didn't know why. I didn't know how to tell my mom I needed a minute before we pulled away or how to tell my dad I was upset that he drive away while I was still cleaning. I felt awful even though I know I'm making the right choice for myself and my mental health. Looking back I know that good change is still change, and change is hard. I just wish it wasn't. It makes me feel so weak when everything is a trigger, and sometimes I can't tell what parts of my mental health to accept and what I need to change. Is this a time for self-compassion, or for reflection and improvement?

We'll, if you made it this far through my ramblings, I appreciate you. It was quite a journey.

#changeishard #Anxiety #Depression #quarantinelife

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Originally I wasn’t hopeful going into quarantine, worried about depression, anxiety and stress. I didn’t want anything stupid to happen due to my brain lying to me and so this became my focus. Working for two months Ouija the wild dog/ stripped hybrid is officially finished. He was definitely a big challenge but one that proved tons of learning. I love how he turned out and cannot wait to show him off at his first convention, whenever that is I’ll be waiting with a big smile on my face! #Crafting #CraftAttitude #MentalHealth #stayingpositive #stayingcalm

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Always my Fiancees superwoman

Despite the title its not what you think, it's quite the opposite. I'm my fiancees super woman on the days that I can't get out of bed because of the pain, on the days when I barley get a shower and then slum around on the couch, on the days I manage to go work my shift but nothing else. To my fiancee I am always his super woman. Which is great but I surly don't always feel like it. This week, especially the last few days have been a real struggle for me. I have felt like a disappointment a failure and today culminated in a massive migraine which lead me to call off tomorrow which only makes me feel worse. I'll push myself until my body says no. I know not healthy it's one of my very poor habits but it stems a lot from my lack of self worth, and lack of self value but I don't care for myself the way I should until my body forces me too. I'm struggling, I'm trying to stay above water but it's difficult I can't poor from an empty cup by I'm struggling to take the time to refill it. Thanks for being the safe void I can vent too. #quarantinethoughts #quarantinelife #Roughweek #Fibromyalgia #Migraine #self-doubt

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Living well while #quarantined

I was wondering whether I am the only one who feels that very few things have changed during #quarantine . Most people around me act with hysteria, claiming this is unfair, it is the end of the world or on the other hand, not taking it seriously and finding ways to go out of their houses bc they say they are bored all day home. I guess, most people take for granted the ability to go outside, hang out on everyday basis etc so now that they are forced to stay home, they find it strange and uncomfortable. As for me, my bad days are still as bad as they used to be (for details, check out my posts) and my good days shine bright just like they did in the past. I take time to take care of myself, think about the future and stress less. I live alone so social distancing hasn't been bad for me. I kinda like the quarantine. Is anyone feeling this way ?#COVID19 #quarantinelife #SocialDistancing

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