Withdrawl

True to my nature, I share candidly about my childhood and ongoing abuse. Being honest is not hard for me. However, remaining in contact with people is my weakness.

As an example, I shared raw information about the abuse of my childhood, which has repercussions of ongoing control from the same abuser well into my adult life. This obnoxious toxic behavior is confronted whenever we engage in conversation. I “brush” it off, when I encounter it. However, the wounds of the past are evidently not healed because puss and decay fill the emotional scares that remain. How can they heal if the same manipulative controlling tendencies are continuously bruising the soul?

Any thoughts on withdrawal when vulnerability is expressed, #TheMighty folks?

Healing is occurring. But the social refrain from being vulnerable embarrassingly keeps me at a distance as if the childhood secret of esteeming the physical abuser, publicly, must remain behind closed doors to keep their reputation intact. I was the “clumsy one” when the scars were evident at school, church, or at the market. The abusive parent was honored for having to raise such a “clumsy” child. #ChildhoodAbuse #Reality

I currently live 974 miles away from where all my extended family lives. I’ve been away for 6 years. This year has been full of traumatic health stuff and I’ve missed home.

So when my cardiologist took me off all my mental health meds (cold turkey, for my heart), I had a breakdown in the car a week later. Ugly crying as I sobbed to my mom (who moved here with me) that I missed family and wanted to move back home ASAP. The homesickness was strong, I suddenly felt so out of place and desperate for everything that home meant.

I reached out to family I hadn’t spoken to in a while that I used to be close to and as we got back into that closeness I realized “omg super no thank you!” The drama, the nerve, the ignorance, the drama some more and the stress… pretty sure if I roll my eyes one more time this month they’ll get stuck facing the back of my head.

I love my family with all my heart but it’s just so much easier to appreciate them from afar. Homesickness cured. I’m blaming it on the med withdrawals, meds I could’ve really used the last few weeks reconnecting lol.

#Family #Depression #Withdrawl #thatwasclose