Its been almost a year since I banished her out of my life.
I cast her out like she was discarded rubbish. I often wonder if she deserved that.
Was it really that bad? Was she really that bad?
I miss her. I miss the comfort she bought. I miss her presence. The way she made me feel so in tune with my body. How she intensified every emotion I felt.
I dont want her back. She was destructive. She broke my soul with her venomous words, her twisted dreams & poisonous thoughts. I was broken when she was near.
But, I loved her. I needed her. I still need her. Without her I am not whole. Now she is gone a part of me feels lost, trapped in a bleak void forever falling further and further away from me.
The world seems scary without her. I'm not sure who I am or where I belong. Life is less colourful & more stagnant somehow.
I want to reach out to her, feel the bitter sting of her impact on my life once more.
I want to know that she is ok.
But, I know that she is ok. For she is my PMDD alter ego. I am her and she is me.