52SmallThing

So I never do this, but I figured why not. Today it was terrible getting up, my hands were swollen, feet swollen, fever, fatigue, tingling... but I had a urinalysis done after my post op for endometriosis and my Leuk Est came back TRACE abnormal. My thoughts kidney infection because of the pain. But also, I've had hair coming out, my nails have lines and are rigged, molar rash, bumpies randomly on me, urine problems.
Plus hemiplegic migraines. I've been dealing with this for 4 years. Maybe just maybe they will actually listen... maybe the doctor wont tell me it's in my head. Maybe they will do follow up tests. Maybe they will see its autoimmune, my thoughts lupus. I know its terrible to diagnose yourself but I've thought this for a long time now. My #52SmallThing is I got up, showered put a little makeup on. My #ChronicIllness is my battle and I will win. I will call the doctor and demand more tests.

The ONLY thing that gets me out of bed everyday is my kids. If I didn't have them, I'm sure I would stay in bed.

#52SmallThing
I am grateful for heat in our home, food in our stomachs, a roof over our heads, etc., all the these material things. I don't take these things for granted. But most of all God has been giving me the chance to wake up each new day to choose to make it a good day. In all honesty I have been #depressed over a week with #tears #Hiding behind my eyelids. I struggle each morning to get up and get myself moving. #IBS , not keeping food down, running to the bathroom at 3 in the morning just making the sink and toilet. My body and mind seem out of sync.
I have been writing poems and #Feeling #numb #Insecure and beating myself up even
more because I can't figure out what #trigger (s) might have been the catalyst(s). All I have wanted and been able to do is the #bare #minimum . I know I have #sad . I have so much to be thankful for. My husband always gives me the space to work my way out of my mixed emotions. This is the way he deals with my #moods . We start out each day with warm hugs and kisses. He runs circles around me with cooking, cleaning, etc. I use to be able to do more because I had to. He worked out of state for 5 years. I took care of the house, our son...Then my body and mind really fell apart ike clock work from late November until Spring. I was blessed to have my parents nearby. They help me and my son when it got to be too much for me. I just want to be above all of this #Sadness . Should I #scream or #cry . Does anyone out there that understands #why ???