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I am so sick off toddler parenting life. I hate it. I cry every day and I can’t wait til she’s more independent.

Venting and looking for validation here not solutions. *Also would prefer if people kept their advice to themselves, and please don’t gaslight me in anyway.*

*Trigger warning: suicide ideation, sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.*

She invades my physical boundaries, which triggers memories of sexual and physical abuse. I work so hard to be a positive parent and to break the generational trauma of emotional and physical abuse from my family. I always feel like I’m falling short, but my therapist and PCP have both reassured me that I’m the best mom for my daughter and that she was meant to be parented by me, and of course I love her dearly. I just hope, pray, and meditate on that in these younger years of hers goes faster cus right now I have a hard time seeing out of this forest of turmoil, frustration, discomfort, and anger.

I also am medically complicated and severe chronic pain flares up during times of stress and with the added stress of toddler parenting, my cycling and pain has gotten so worse and more frequently. I rapid cycle every couple weeks to a month, and lately it’s been dysphoric mania for a couple/few days. I miss euphoric mania and hypo mania. I have cptsd on top of my bipolar, so I frequently have disrupted thoughts and flashbacks.

All of this is so exhausting and I know I’m not alone, and I’m gonna keep fighting the fight, but that doesn’t take away from the suckyness of my current state. I have suicidal ideation that group therapy, individual therapy, meds, diet changes, exercise, even medical marijuana hasn’t been able to shake. I am stressed to the max every second of the day unless I have time away from her while I’m at an appointment or something, but even then there’s a dark shadow around me because I know what I’m gonna have to go back to.

#BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #CPTSD #FibromyalgiaDiagnosis #CentralSensitizationSyndrome #Neuropathy #OvarianCyst #adhesions #brokentailbone #Recovery #Anxiety #Depression #SexualAbuse #RapeSurvivors #CarpalTunnelSyndrome #Tendonitis #Trauma


What is adhesions pain like? #adhesions

I have been recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia but been told my pain that has been ongoing for about 7 years now isn’t solely down to that and it’s just making whatever it is worse. After talking to a friend who’s a dr they reckon I might have been dismissed an obvious diagnosis of adhesions based on laparoscopy findings that hadn’t been documented the same as verbally told to me after the procedure (second attempt as first failed to even get in) . So I was wanting to find out how bad adhesions pain really can be as to whether it matches even remotely to my pain I’ve been suffering with.


Fibromyalgia/me vs adhesions #Fibromyalgia #adhesions #CFS

What a,painful few months is been. Stress has left me stuck in bed the last week weeks off and on I've spent many hours in bed trying to cope. Adhesions have returned, my family need sorting and the stress of being a parent has definitely affected my flares. Life is not always a clear cut path, sometimes the future is not a direct site but you can decide who you let in your basket, those who are worried why you never rang or why haven't you spoke to me dont understand your struggle, they dont see your tears, your pain or even see you everyday. Being a chronic illness sufferer you cant always be there, you cant be someone's help without being helped, you can tend to friends if noobe returns the favor, if your in a one sided relationship then yes of course it falls apart once your illnesses take over your body. Be kind to your self, do self care and care for those who do message you on a regular basis to check in, me personally have one person who has stuck with me and I'm ok with that, true love shows up wmin many ways.

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ttc? awaiting surgery

I finally received my letter after the last time I ended up in hospital just three weeks ago! I'm scheduled for my consultation in February and then they're looking to perform a laparoscopy, hsg dye x-ray, adhesiolysis, and a salpingectomy. We're hoping that if they remove the adhesions and the left fallopian tube that should stop or take away some of the pain (in theory although experience has taught me otherwise). My concern, of course, is that with the healing more scars will form, so it's rather daunting to think that it could worsen the pain or it could make it better... pain is all I've known for the past 3 years now so now it has become my identity- I am disabled- I don't work- I'm not able to. After the operation I'll be under the pain management team where they want to do physio and electro acupuncture they are considering IVF (on the NHS in the UK we get one free round). so I was advised to start making dietary changes: I'm having less caffeine, Less Sugar, drinking more lemon water, and green tea, and I've started taking an everyday vitamin and the prenatal vitamin just in hope of preparing my body. I'm only hoping it helps because the doctor only suspects me to have endometriosis- it's not confirmed. I'm just so scared! I also think I've got way too many High Hopes about falling pregnant naturally and that makes me worry because I'm going to disappoint myself monthly and repeated loss is a trauma for my body and my mental health. Such a long process.
#ChronicPain #Chronicpelvicpain #adhesions #MentalHealth #CPTSD #MedicalTrauma


UC frustratioms #UlcerativeColitis #adhesions

Two weeks ago I was immediately seen by my Internist for a flare that I felt coming on. I’ve had UC for 23 years so I know hitting it fast & hard with prednisone is the way to go. Day 2 of the steroids & I suddenly felt good, fast forward to day 7 (stepped down to lower dose) only for the massive D to hit along with pain that had gone away.

3 ER visits later (and 3 CT’s) the latest CT shows what I was trying to prevent. Bowel wall
thickening and my cecum has dropped into my pelvis causing mini bowel obstructions. I had surgery for the cecum to be “tacked” back where it belongs 18 months ago! I also had lots of adhesions cut away from my bowel ( the surgeon said my bowel looked like someone glued it together with superglue).

The best part of all of this is due to the massive D, I’m now the proud owner of a grade 3 thrombosed hemorrhoid AND I’m a newlywed! THE BEST PART?! My internist referred me to a GI & surgeon on a routine basis (7-10 days for referral to process then up to 30 days to be seen).

Biologics are not an option for me as I’ve had a spleenectomy. I’m at that point where I know I should be in the hospital but the blasé attitudes from doctors have me wanting it be home in my own bed. Rant over!


how do you deal with the waiting period between diagnosis and treatment?

in recent months I've been told that the DR "suspects " I have endometriosis (I have adhesions that cause disabling chronic pain), hypermobility and cPTSD. awaiting confirmation and treatments and feel lost and confused while waiting. #Endometriosis #adhesions #Hypermobility #CPTSD #MentalHealth #ChronicPain


I'm 16

I kinda just want to get this of my chest, so I'm 16 years old and I have an undiagnosed condition that causes chronic abdominal and back pain, inflammation in the abdomen, messed up digestion (including problematic bowl motions), nausea, and a few more different symptoms that I can't really explain. I started puberty at nine years old but I had my first period at 10, my periods where inconsistent at best since day dot but I was told that was because I was young, but when I hit 13 my periods became quite painful and have been ever since. When I got to nearly 15 years old I started to feel some kind of pain everyday and it progressively got worse and worse until I couldn't ignore it anymore. I would tell my mum about it but because she also had painful periods as a teenager she brushed off my pain at first, she did start to listen after a couple of months of badgering her and she took me to our GP. Because I wasn't yet 15 my doctor also told me it could be my body still adjusting but because I was in so much pain and I was bloating often he prescribed long lasting pain killers that were also anti-inflammatory, and also a meditation to prevent acid re-flux. When my symptoms didn't get better my doctor asked if I'd like to start the depo-provera, which I tried for three months but my pain got worse and I had a list of new symptoms. My doctor then pulled me off and put me on the birth control pill, which worked but my symptoms were only quietened not removed so I asked to try something else. I then, (because nothing was working and my symptoms were getting worse) was referred to a gynecologist at my cities public hospital. She asked me if I'd like to try the minrena, I decided to (figuring that I would have to at some point to cross it off the list), I was told that people with endometriosis usually feel better while using this, and because that's what everyone thought I had I agreed it was a good idea to try. Instead of working, putting it in was excruciatingly painful, it put me in so much pain I was constantly nauseous, and because of that I couldn't eat for 3-5 days (I ate but it came back up). I had it removed and went back to the pill and was put on the list for a laparoscopy. I had the surgery, which was supposed to diagnose me with endometriosis, instead they found server adhesions  gluing my uterus, ovaries and tubes to each other, my abdominal wall, bladder and bowel. My doctors removed them all, but told me that they will just grow back and I will have to come back for more surgery in a couple years. And after a biopsy, they found no evidence of endo but won't rule it out.
Along with all that, I'm now 16 years old, I have no diagnoses, I haven't had my post-operative appointment (even though it's been nearly 4 months since my surgery), and I'm writing this at 2:30am because I'm in to much pain to fall asleep.

All and all, this sucks. #Endometriosis #ChronicPain #adhesions