I am so sick off toddler parenting life. I hate it. I cry every day and I can’t wait til she’s more independent.
Venting and looking for validation here not solutions. *Also would prefer if people kept their advice to themselves, and please don’t gaslight me in anyway.*
*Trigger warning: suicide ideation, sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.*
She invades my physical boundaries, which triggers memories of sexual and physical abuse. I work so hard to be a positive parent and to break the generational trauma of emotional and physical abuse from my family. I always feel like I’m falling short, but my therapist and PCP have both reassured me that I’m the best mom for my daughter and that she was meant to be parented by me, and of course I love her dearly. I just hope, pray, and meditate on that in these younger years of hers goes faster cus right now I have a hard time seeing out of this forest of turmoil, frustration, discomfort, and anger.
I also am medically complicated and severe chronic pain flares up during times of stress and with the added stress of toddler parenting, my cycling and pain has gotten so worse and more frequently. I rapid cycle every couple weeks to a month, and lately it’s been dysphoric mania for a couple/few days. I miss euphoric mania and hypo mania. I have cptsd on top of my bipolar, so I frequently have disrupted thoughts and flashbacks.
All of this is so exhausting and I know I’m not alone, and I’m gonna keep fighting the fight, but that doesn’t take away from the suckyness of my current state. I have suicidal ideation that group therapy, individual therapy, meds, diet changes, exercise, even medical marijuana hasn’t been able to shake. I am stressed to the max every second of the day unless I have time away from her while I’m at an appointment or something, but even then there’s a dark shadow around me because I know what I’m gonna have to go back to.
#BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #CPTSD #FibromyalgiaDiagnosis #CentralSensitizationSyndrome #Neuropathy #OvarianCyst #adhesions #brokentailbone #Recovery #Anxiety #Depression #SexualAbuse #RapeSurvivors #CarpalTunnelSyndrome #Tendonitis #Trauma