I think the worst is the passerby comments on social media about #BorderlineStigma. I had replied to a post and wrote about the things I think contributed to the way I am. I described myself as a "BPD-ridden, suicidal mess of a human with a desire to love all but a capacity to only love a few".
Most left it alone. A few liked the comment I made. And then there is this person. His profile says he is a Deist, lives in the US and is a Conservative Libertarian. He has photos of him performing with his band and pictures of family. A normal profile and not a troll.
So, what kind of person comments passively that my mental illness is a punishment to those who date me? On Christmas/eve, no less. I woke up to this comment after a long, hard night.
But I had to hand it to him... my relationships are rough. It's a hallmark of the disorder, I suppose. I am upfront with the way I am to people I seriously consider dating. I am honest about the disorder and I have had persons turn me down because they are not equipped to handle it. That has always hurt me and always will, but I respect when somebody knows they are in too deep. Some people, still give it a go and decide it's not for them. But is it... BPD... everytime? I did just spend 6+ hrs locked in a horrible argument with my boyfriend over insecurities and how they affect me. And the row was totally my fault, not able to accept that somebody could love me with all my flaws .
I'm up on Christmas morning, wondering if I am good enough for love. I am concerned my BPD makes me... well, utter hell to couple with... despite considerable therapy gains.
Just be kind to yourself today. Merry Christmas.
#MentalIllnessStigma #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SocialMedia #Bekindtoyourself #bekindtoothers
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