Betrayaltrauma

This is the third time she has kicked me out after she insisted on me coming here.

Her husband has allowed me to stay both times. I don’t know what’s going to happen this time but I have to plan for the worst.

I need people to see what happens when you are disabled in the US.

I don’t know how much I can survive but this is truly unbelievable.

She doesn’t talk to me or look at me despite us being best friends for at least a decade and me staying in her home. She is completely unreachable in terms empathy.

She told me yesterday after months of literally treating me like I don’t exist: I think I need to explain myself
She proceeded to tell me all about how she used to take mental health days and have her house to herself and she didn’t realize the effect of having me in the house.
Then said in agony “I just need an end date to you being here.” (Gurrrrrl me too cuz I am pretty sure this is going to kill me if I don’t stop being the target of your resentment)
She then proceeded to tell me “I know you’re going to twist this in your head.” Ummmmmm excuse me? What am I going to twist? That you are kicking me out knowing I have no one else or where else to go? I don’t even talk to people so idk who she thinks I’m going to twist it to.
So I finally was able to say that. Then she told me “I know you think I’m gaslighting you.” Again… ummmmm what? What??? When I said that I have never said those things and that I have already been trying to strategize how to live in my car with the symptoms I experience and my 14 year old dog she was with me when I adopted, she responded “maybe that’s what you need to do.”
So I “need” to stay in my car because you need mental health days? Can I sign up for that perk? Cuz I could use some mental health days.
Also… does needing mental health days justify completely disregarding my long term safety and possible mortality?
(If you haven’t read previous posts… this is basically a saga of #complextrauma #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #Betrayaltrauma and what it’s like to try to survive on #DisabilityBenefits
I have contacted all of the people who are supposed to be there to help people in these situations multiple times. I am repeatedly told there isn’t anything that anyone can do.
Soooooooooo like… what do they advise as my next step? “Idk”
Okay that’s helpful.
The system is more than broken. And people who work in this system need to hear my story. Really hear it.
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #ChronicMigraines #Migraine #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #Anxiety #ADHD #CheckInWithMe