Betrayaltrauma

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I am displaced again with no safety plan because there aren’t any safe options

This is the third time she has kicked me out after she insisted on me coming here.

Her husband has allowed me to stay both times. I don’t know what’s going to happen this time but I have to plan for the worst.

I need people to see what happens when you are disabled in the US.

I don’t know how much I can survive but this is truly unbelievable.

She doesn’t talk to me or look at me despite us being best friends for at least a decade and me staying in her home. She is completely unreachable in terms empathy.

She told me yesterday after months of literally treating me like I don’t exist: I think I need to explain myself
She proceeded to tell me all about how she used to take mental health days and have her house to herself and she didn’t realize the effect of having me in the house.
Then said in agony “I just need an end date to you being here.” (Gurrrrrl me too cuz I am pretty sure this is going to kill me if I don’t stop being the target of your resentment)
She then proceeded to tell me “I know you’re going to twist this in your head.” Ummmmmm excuse me? What am I going to twist? That you are kicking me out knowing I have no one else or where else to go? I don’t even talk to people so idk who she thinks I’m going to twist it to.
So I finally was able to say that. Then she told me “I know you think I’m gaslighting you.” Again… ummmmm what? What??? When I said that I have never said those things and that I have already been trying to strategize how to live in my car with the symptoms I experience and my 14 year old dog she was with me when I adopted, she responded “maybe that’s what you need to do.”
So I “need” to stay in my car because you need mental health days? Can I sign up for that perk? Cuz I could use some mental health days.
Also… does needing mental health days justify completely disregarding my long term safety and possible mortality?
(If you haven’t read previous posts… this is basically a saga of #complextrauma #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #Betrayaltrauma and what it’s like to try to survive on #DisabilityBenefits
I have contacted all of the people who are supposed to be there to help people in these situations multiple times. I am repeatedly told there isn’t anything that anyone can do.
Soooooooooo like… what do they advise as my next step? “Idk”
Okay that’s helpful.
The system is more than broken. And people who work in this system need to hear my story. Really hear it.
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #ChronicMigraines #Migraine #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #Anxiety #ADHD #CheckInWithMe

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#ChildhoodSexualAbuseByMothers #Betrayaltrauma

I am looking for others that have been sexually abused by women specifically mothers. I know I’m not the only one but this kind of sexual abuse & betrayal trauma is often not spoken about. I could really use additional support from others who may understand how much of a mindf$ck abuse like this by moms is.

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Betrayal

We were so close, he used to be too sweet like very sweet and all of a sudden he ignored me like I dont even exist, and he is there enjoying with his friends, I can see him laughing a lot while I am here trying to figure out what went wrong. And here I am, trying to not give up on myself and I am trying to come back in life with that old spirit of mine. I dont know, if he knows because of him I am having nightmares, my eyes are dry because of the loss of tears and panic attacks has been my partner since everything happened.

#Betrayaltrauma #brokenheart #Stranger

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It amazes me..

It amazes me how people who knowingly bash each other can “love” and “support” one another but hate the people with genuine love.

It amazes me how people will “ride or die” for those who will not even take two seconds to “park” for them.

I’ve witnessed these incidents twice this weekend. It just mind boggles me.

I always advise everyone to remove themselves from toxic people but I keep falling into that childhood, generational, indoctrinated “let it go” bullshit continuously.

Old habits and characteristics die hard especially when engrained into your existence but today is another new beginning!

I refuse to let people verbally demean or insult me.

I refuse to be the “bigger person”’.

I will always possess good but now I will also refuse to accept less than what I exude into this world. I have to speak up for myself!

I am mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted!

I’m empty!

#CheckInWithMe #DistractMe #HighlysensitivePerson #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ChangeDirection #Loveyourselffirst #loveyourselfenough #Betrayaltrauma #EmotionallyExhausted #MightyTogether