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    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    Story Time of Sadness: My Terrible Summer Part 1

    "You should have her committed today," she said as though I'd left the room. Her thick German accent nearly plastering the words on Jim's face. "She is obviously faking it. She was fine out in the waiting room and now she can't move?" She was right, I was closest to normal, waiting to see her, huddled on my fiance's arm in the cushioned leather chairs. It was actually an "okay" moment but so were they all before the dystonia hit and I became a breathing statue. Like a scene straight out of The House of Wax, the 1985 version, I felt and heard everything but could not respond. The hospital called it #Dystonia mixed with #Catatonia , I called it one of the scariest summers of my life. Now I can and will be the first to admit that I have problems and, like most of the world, I deal with #Anxiety and #Depression . I have in fact attempted suicide more than once and found myself severely depressed in the months leading up to that terrible appointment. But I deal and have always dealt with my mental illness and more often than not, I'm happy. It's apart of me, but not all of me. I guess I should back up some, so that it makes a little more sense.

    I can remember the moment my eye began to twitch. It was a weekday morning and the sun was bleeding through the blinds. I could smell coffee wafting through the halls and fried eggs. And the low hum of fluorescent bulbs pairing nicely with the office chatter. But I couldn't concentrate or wouldn't concentrate at least for the benefit of my sanity. Instead I observed the sunlight dripping off the plastic blades like liquid gold, spilling onto the brown hair of my supervisor. Her desk sitting inches from mine in all the glory of that window. I wanted to be out in that sun drinking it up.  Just the stillness of a morning sun and I to share a moment. I wanted the grass between my fingers and the chill that collected on the blades from the night before.

    Hiking across the campus in the shoes of a student with unrealized unreachable dreams. There was a thrill to living on the campus grounds and out of the supervision of parents. Suddenly you stepped down on the thoroughfare, sugary soda in one hand, bag on back. A long day's trek brings you to a cloud dust of a city, although not really, it's actually quite breathtaking. Passing eyes wandering toward your unfamiliar gaze as you tip your hat to everyone. "'Mornin,' I spoke. The silent folk nod or smile, but some simply ride on. The city was small comparably to the standards of Knox-Wood, a seedy town not two hours ride. I clutched onto my parcel and walked into the West Salloon, an all girls inn. After bidding my kinfolk good-bye I head out to reap the benefits of the wild west. Or otherwise known as, spending three to four years in the art program, rooming with my little sister, panicking everyday and fighting the urge to cry every second. It brought a whole new layer to the nighttime sadness that I'd feel from time to time as the sun slowly sank off and out of my life.

    Community Voices

    Info on Regression in Ds

    <p>Info on Regression in Ds</p>
    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Question if there is online self-test to determine if I need to go to mental hospital

    How do a self-questioner test to determine if I am a danger to myself or others to go to mental hospital? I can check myself in if I meet this criteria, it's just that my symptoms of Bipolar Disorder is so mild, because it's stable with medications, what if I am a danger to myself and to others, it's just not manifested yet? I also do well in school and function well in society, it's hard for me to know for sure until It's too late.

    I have psychological highs and lows.

    When I have psychological highs, I meet diagnostic criteria for hypomania, but I used to have mania with delusions in the past.

    When I have psychological lows, I meet diagnostic for milder form of depression, but I used to meet diagnostic criteria for severe depression and catatonia in the past.

    I want to make it short, I don't want to list all the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder I had in the past and present, I just want to do online self-test for High-functioning people like me who might meet the criteria for being a danger to themselves or others.

    I am sorry, I am having a serious mental health crisis. I know that it's sounds mild, because I able to think clearly, as if I have atypical symptology and symptology threshold.

    Once police officers that checked if I was okay, they told me how well I communicate and how good my social skills are, and I told them that because I have milder form of Bipolar 1 Disorder and Autism is a spectrum, and they understood.

    10 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I feel like I have the same phenomena of how it feels like to have Schizophrenia Spectrum and Other Psychotic Disorders.

    I feel like I have the same phenomena of how it feels like to have Schizophrenia, because I had delusions in tbe past. But I have feel more related to people who have history of delusions. I had delusions for ten years, and other delusions explained by neurodevelopental disorder.

    I have Bipolar Disorder.

    I am sorry that I said that, but what I experienced and described is a very serious mental illness.

    I also had catatonia and some disorganized speech when I had severe manic episode at the age of fifteen, but I had delusions the most.

    Community Voices

    I have had surgery for my right ovarian cyst near the end May did not expect to come of surgery and suffer catatonia from general anesthesia. I ended up in a catatonic state after surgery after anaesthesia and was moved by ambulance from the private hospital where I had my surgery to a public hospital ICU for three days and then to neurology ward where I had lost the use of my right side. I woke up not able to use my right side and lost all of my independence that day when I woke up. I was diagnosed with FND and eventually told there was nothing could do and sent me home on a stretcher after weeks in hospital via medical ambulance transport. Now home I m so depressed because before all of this I had my independence even though I was limping to get around but now my right side is useless and I have to relearn everything. I feel like a burden to everyone cause need their help. I need rehab but it is not possible right now cause of really strict lockdown where I live and support cannot even come to my house to give me support. I m trying not to give up. Can anyone talk with me? #NeedSupport #depress

    5 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    The hopelessness , the fear…

    <p>The hopelessness , the fear…</p>
    4 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Over two years ago I had many rounds of ECT to treat my catatonia and suicidality. It was effective in treating the catatonia but now I have permanent cognitive and memory deficiencies. Now I can no longer work. I was tested by a neuropsychologist and diagnosed with these conditions. Has anyone who had ECT treatment had cognitive deficiencies (short term or long term) or long term memory loss?

    7 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I don’t know

    I’m going through a really hard time right now. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and Catatonia due to a stressful event that happened at work (I’m a therapist). It’s difficult to talk and move. I’m having crying spells everyday. I can’t sleep despite taking a large dose of Ativan for Catatonia. My psychiatrist said I might have to have ECT. I’m scared for the future. What should I do?

    4 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    First catatonic reaction- recovery?

    How long does it take to recover from #Catatonia ? I’m out of the hospital now but still slow. I’m supposed to keep taking Ativan... I want to go back to work but don’t see how in my current state.