It’s hard knowing that the chronic pain will get worse and you don’t know when it’ll be. It reminds me of a quote from The Fault in Our Stars- “There's no way of knowing that your last good day is Your Last Good Day. At the time, it is just another good day.” However, it’s even harder when a flare makes you face that reality even more.
I believe my pain is getting worse. Flares are more often, longer lasting, more exhausting, more problematic. It’s a lot harder when I can’t really take painkillers for it.
I got diagnosed with GORD/ gastritis/ hiatal hernia. The symptoms were getting worse, and long story short I had a gastroscopy where I received those dx’s. At the time, my reaction was one of relief. Relief that my symptoms have a physical recognised cause. Because I had just gone through ENT and cardiology where they couldn’t (they could prove the symptoms but not find a cause). Now it’s still relief, but also frustration. It could have been avoided if they had arranged a follow-up appointment when I first went to the doctors about it almost 10 years ago.
Speaking of frustration, I found out that my cholesteatoma actually still appears to be of existence. I was told it was gone, but going over my medical notes it appears this wasn’t the case (besides, it has to be surgically removed to be permanently gone & it wasn’t). Where I keep losing my hearing, I tried mentioning it to the doctor but it got dismissed. Even though there’s things at stake, I’m too tired to fight and get another opinion. Not that I’d be able to anyway- the migraines have caused me to just want to shut down from everything & I only leave the house for appointments.
I’m quite tired of all of it to be honest. It’s exhausting, and being in pain I have the physical exhaustion on top of it. Not sure what else to say or where I was going with this post, but yeah. I’m back?