Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

I think one of the saddest things about prolonged trauma is how easily you can become proud of needing nobody. You start calling it independence. You tell yourself you don't need anyone to check on you, comfort you, or stay. But sometimes "I don't need anyone" really means "I needed people so badly once, and nobody came, so I learned to stop needing them."
By CPTSD Explained (on Facebook)

I think one of the saddest things about prolonged trauma is how easily you can become proud of needing nobody. You start calling it independence. You tell yourself you don't need anyone to check on you, comfort you, or stay. But sometimes "I don't need anyone" really means "I needed people so badly once, and nobody came, so I learned to stop needing them."
By CPTSD Explained (on Facebook)

I used to look for a safe person in every group or class I joined.
That person was a "life vest" to me.
My instinct told me to keep holding onto that person - my rational mind already knew safety doesn't work that way.
How did it work instead?

An essential game changer was my boss at the horsefarm. We've been talking a lot. Which showed me: I can be my true self, hide when needed, speak when I'm ready or not talk to each other for a while - and the bond is still safe.

I even talked about struggling with work future. He said I shall take time so my work will find me.
I'm relieved, thankful and proud of myself for once again speaking up.

I used to look for a safe person in every group or class I joined.
That person was a "life vest" to me.
My instinct told me to keep holding onto that person - my rational mind already knew safety doesn't work that way.
How did it work instead?

An essential game changer was my boss at the horsefarm. We've been talking a lot. Which showed me: I can be my true self, hide when needed, speak when I'm ready or not talk to each other for a while - and the bond is still safe.

I even talked about struggling with work future. He said I shall take time so my work will find me.
I'm relieved, thankful and proud of myself for once again speaking up.

I used to hope the horsefarm were my work place to be. Now, I've finally realized that it's just an experience I've made.
With a fearful heart, I'm heading towards an unknown work future.

I used to hope the horsefarm were my work place to be. Now, I've finally realized that it's just an experience I've made.
With a fearful heart, I'm heading towards an unknown work future.