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Getting over someone

So I have a stupid question, and no one else to ask.. How do I get over someone I HAVE to stay inn contact with and be on good terms with? I realised about two years ago that I still have feelings for my daughters dad.. He doesn't have feelings for meg, which is okay. It just sucks that I still can't get over him.. It's been 9 years since we were a couple, and I still love him.. How the f**k do I get over him? We're good friends, who sometimes have sex (I know that needs to stop), and our kid loves that we get along so well and can do stygg together like having movienights, going out to dinner together etc.. I'm stuck.. I wanna move on, but I don't want to stop hanging out together because our kid enjoys ut som much.. so.. What do I do? #breakup #Coparenting #Parent #Parenting #singleparent #heartbreak


C-PTSD and Hypervigilance - the comedown

#CPTSD #Hypervigilance
#Narcassisticabuse #Coparenting #exhaustion
Just for background- I was diagnosed with C-PTSD at the beginning of the year. Long story short, stems from a range of abuse from a range of people. Emotional and physical abuse from mums partner growing up. Sexual abuse from an ex. Emotional and Physical abuse from my most recent ex - also my child’s dad. Having to co-parent is honestly the worst. He’s pushy and a bully. I try my absolute hardest to stand up to him and advocate for my little but it is so so hard when he knows exactly how to manipulate me in to getting what he wants. Anyway, the point of my post. When I’m having what a call a “C-PTSD Day” (lets be honest, every day is a C-PTSD day but I used this term to let my family and boyfriend know if I’m really struggling on a particular day) I get dissociative and also super hyper vigilant. I’m on edge constantly. Today my ex messaged and was pushy and completely disregarded my view points and feelings on what was best for our child. Wouldn’t even hear me. Then continued to bully me to try and get me to agree to something which I felt wasn’t ok for my little one. I spent the majority of the day in a dissociative state, anxious to the point of needing to be sick numerous times. Couldn’t concentrate or complete any tasks. Even having a simple conversation is so so hard. Once I eventually manage to calm myself to a point where I don’t feel like my world is ending and that nothing will ever be ok and being in a constant state of anxiety, pacing, feeling / being sick (today this took about 8 hours) I get what I refer to as a C-PTSD hangover. My whole body aches from head to toe, I get an awful headache, I feel groggy, yucky and exhausted. Does anyone else get this? Or just have any advice or words of encouragement in general. I know that I’ll be ok and that this will get better with time, but sometimes, it feels like nothing will ever be ok again and this is just how it is now. Sorry for the really rambley post. I’m not too sure what I was aiming or hoping for.


#Relationships #Respect #battlebetweenus

I'm not who you want
You say you can't be who I need
A constant battle
Two years you kept me at arms reach
Sometimes you'd go days without saying a word to me
I often wonder if you're embarrassed of me
My past is crazy, dark, and chaotic
I don't have it all together
But you've got to remember
I didn't ask you to fix me
I just wanted you to respect me
Not a wedding ring
I knew you wouldn't commit to me
It took me packing up and leaving for you to show interest in me
I hate this hold you have on me
It hurts feeling like Plan B
This back and forth half you and half me relationship is starting to take it's toll on me
Could it be there really is no future for you and me
Could co-parenting be our destiny
If so I need you to set me free

#Respect #Coparenting #Love #notmeanttobe

1 comment

Co-parenting Growth

I am sitting here having a game night with my boyfriend, my ex husband, his wife, and all of our kids. A few months ago this would have not been possible. It took going to court again and a lot of communication to finally realize how much our actions were hurting our son. If you are struggling with co-parenting with someone who might not understand, do your best to work on what you can, and hopefully with communication and strength, things just might get better. #Coparenting #Bipolar #optimism #GoodDay


When you just want your thoughts to be validated

I just have so many thoughts today!!! #Autism #Stepmom #Coparenting

I literally just want someone to tell me that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to have these opinions and thoughts. Ughhhhh I cannot compose a sentence cause I don’t know where to start! So I’ll just ramble.. hope it makes sense.

Had ss5 today for our Saturday visit ( we only see him twice a month) and yes he is autistic but I think higher functioning on the spectrum.. he’s starting to put sentences together and his meltdowns are minimal. But tantrums are a whole other ball game. He is persistent in what he wants even when he knows he can’t have what he wants because he knows he gets away with it at home. Ugh it’s exhausting. Anyway at our house he gets disciplined when it is needed because there is no form of discipline with his mom he gets what he wants when he wants it. I’m sorry but I still believe there should be boundaries autism or not. He will need to know he can’t do certain things or he won’t always gets what he wants when he throws a fit.

Sorry I know that was a mess of a post but I just cant keep it inside anymore. I’m stressed. Life is hard. Being a step mom is hard. Autism is hard.