Optimism is always an option.
For someone with a chronic (mental) illness, the smallest things can cause much pain, sadness and anxiety, from bad weather to a mean word, and so on. Or if we look at it from the other side, the smallest things can bring us joy, from a great coffee to a kind word. However, never mind how optimistic am I normally, on the darkest days it is not that easy to notice the small beauties of everyday life.
The past 2 weeks I was struggling with anxiety and the fear of loss, even if nothing serious happened. My friend and colleague, who was sitting next to me at work, had been "moved" to another section at our workplace. Yeah, I know this can seem childish, I know I should grow up, but still... Since that I don't have anyone to talk to during the day, and due to earlier and childhood experiences, it is really hard for me to socialise or simply be alone... I have other colleagues, but the 2 of them who are close enough to talk seems to falling in love with each other, so it would be awkward to tell them anything... I don't want to disturb them.
So it's just that feeling of loneliness.
The only thing on my mind since that is how small my problem is, how minor is this situation, and how much I overthink it. But as I mentioned before, the smallest things can be painful. I started to feel depressed. Not the way as the clishé sounds when someone says 'I have a bad day, I am so depressed', but the real way. That feeling of sinking into a deep moss of hopelessness and loneliness. By this simple thing - my friend is still my friend, we can still talk, but I couldn't do anything with these feelings for 2 weeks.
Today morning as I was sitting on the bus on my way to work, a song crossed my mind, what I listen to nearly every day, and still haven't put together the meaning. The lyrics is, to translate it to english is something like: "You need to make the best of what you have."
And I started wondering about it. Okay, I can be depressed and continue sinking into loneliness, or I can make the best of what I have. And if the only thing I have in this situation is that I can talk to my friend after work, than I will. And the best thing I can do is to keep in touch instead of isolation and spend the time alone. If not at the workplace, we can meet after work - nobody told we can't be friends anymore.
And when I got off the bus, I noticed what you can see on the photo I took. There is always some light behind the dark clouds.
Only a sentence needed. I know this is not that exact form of anxiety and depression what we usually suffer from. I suffer much more from OCD and anxiety, but maybe that's why I can see this case clearer. And if I can do this in this situation... I can find these positive sentences in other ones, because it seems the opportunity is always there. In daily life I am an optimist, but why couldn't this work in challenges in my life too?
And you know what? You can do it too! 😉
#optimism #OCD #Anxiety #MentalHealth