#Narcassisticabuse #Coparenting #exhaustion
Just for background- I was diagnosed with C-PTSD at the beginning of the year. Long story short, stems from a range of abuse from a range of people. Emotional and physical abuse from mums partner growing up. Sexual abuse from an ex. Emotional and Physical abuse from my most recent ex - also my child’s dad. Having to co-parent is honestly the worst. He’s pushy and a bully. I try my absolute hardest to stand up to him and advocate for my little but it is so so hard when he knows exactly how to manipulate me in to getting what he wants. Anyway, the point of my post. When I’m having what a call a “C-PTSD Day” (lets be honest, every day is a C-PTSD day but I used this term to let my family and boyfriend know if I’m really struggling on a particular day) I get dissociative and also super hyper vigilant. I’m on edge constantly. Today my ex messaged and was pushy and completely disregarded my view points and feelings on what was best for our child. Wouldn’t even hear me. Then continued to bully me to try and get me to agree to something which I felt wasn’t ok for my little one. I spent the majority of the day in a dissociative state, anxious to the point of needing to be sick numerous times. Couldn’t concentrate or complete any tasks. Even having a simple conversation is so so hard. Once I eventually manage to calm myself to a point where I don’t feel like my world is ending and that nothing will ever be ok and being in a constant state of anxiety, pacing, feeling / being sick (today this took about 8 hours) I get what I refer to as a C-PTSD hangover. My whole body aches from head to toe, I get an awful headache, I feel groggy, yucky and exhausted. Does anyone else get this? Or just have any advice or words of encouragement in general. I know that I’ll be ok and that this will get better with time, but sometimes, it feels like nothing will ever be ok again and this is just how it is now. Sorry for the really rambley post. I’m not too sure what I was aiming or hoping for.