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Friends & other struggles?

Do any of you have trouble making real friends? I feel like I have no one in my life and it’s horrible and painful. I don’t trust anyone because of my traumas and how much narcissistic abuse I’ve endured. It feels like there are no genuine people alive in the world because my parents are both narcissistic & I lost everyone I thought cared about me to narcissistic exes (apparently I’m an a narc magnet). I don’t have anyone in my life, besides my husband, who doesn’t try to suck the soul out of me and it leaves a hopeless feeling. The people I have as “friends” don’t ever care what’s happening in my life; they just want me to be a soundboard for theirs. It’s also hard to understand how I’m so empathetic and that I could have come from people like this, both by family and others. Does this make sense? Sorry I feel super alone and I’m super dissociated today. #CPTSD #PTSD #Narcassisticabuse


Anybody know what the signs are off a narcissist?

I have really been feeling lately my ex is possibly a narcissist with ways he treated me so I’m just wondering if anybody here knows signs of a narcissist? #Narcassisticabuse

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Feeling Angry #Narcassisticabuse #fellforthebullshit

Feeling angry with myself, i let my ex crawl back into my life and tried to be his friend whilst turning down his constant need for sex n talking dirty. I chose to ignore that he hadn't changed because I wanted to be friends and was lonely....low and behold he's discarded me again now he's found a fresh new supply from someone else. God I'm stupid, back to square one no contact and trying to block him out...
#EmotionalAbuse #Gaslighting #messingwithmyhead


C-PTSD and Hypervigilance - the comedown

#CPTSD #Hypervigilance
#Narcassisticabuse #Coparenting #exhaustion
Just for background- I was diagnosed with C-PTSD at the beginning of the year. Long story short, stems from a range of abuse from a range of people. Emotional and physical abuse from mums partner growing up. Sexual abuse from an ex. Emotional and Physical abuse from my most recent ex - also my child’s dad. Having to co-parent is honestly the worst. He’s pushy and a bully. I try my absolute hardest to stand up to him and advocate for my little but it is so so hard when he knows exactly how to manipulate me in to getting what he wants. Anyway, the point of my post. When I’m having what a call a “C-PTSD Day” (lets be honest, every day is a C-PTSD day but I used this term to let my family and boyfriend know if I’m really struggling on a particular day) I get dissociative and also super hyper vigilant. I’m on edge constantly. Today my ex messaged and was pushy and completely disregarded my view points and feelings on what was best for our child. Wouldn’t even hear me. Then continued to bully me to try and get me to agree to something which I felt wasn’t ok for my little one. I spent the majority of the day in a dissociative state, anxious to the point of needing to be sick numerous times. Couldn’t concentrate or complete any tasks. Even having a simple conversation is so so hard. Once I eventually manage to calm myself to a point where I don’t feel like my world is ending and that nothing will ever be ok and being in a constant state of anxiety, pacing, feeling / being sick (today this took about 8 hours) I get what I refer to as a C-PTSD hangover. My whole body aches from head to toe, I get an awful headache, I feel groggy, yucky and exhausted. Does anyone else get this? Or just have any advice or words of encouragement in general. I know that I’ll be ok and that this will get better with time, but sometimes, it feels like nothing will ever be ok again and this is just how it is now. Sorry for the really rambley post. I’m not too sure what I was aiming or hoping for.

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Don’t allow loneliness to cause settling for less than your worth. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of truth. You are worthy of loyalty. You are worthy of support. You are simply worthy.

#EmotionalHealth #Selfworth #Selflove #Selfcare #Anxiety #Depression #Narcassisticabuse #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #Support #Love #ChronicPain

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Toxic Shame

I read about toxic shame today and it described me so well. I have always felt an immense amount of shame. When I say that I mean specifically feeling like people are disgusted with me, physically mentally or any other reason. It’s debilitating. I will never be good enough. I have a hard time going into public, even for a short while. I can feel eyes on me waiting to criticize my every move. I try tooth and nail to be perfect, causing anxiety and panic when not achieved. I avoid people and situations in order to minimize this, but it’s a 24 hour vigilance. I’m tired and I pick my skin to help relieve what I’m feeling. What if I never feel better? What if this shame and guilt never subsides? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Shame #Narcassisticabuse #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder

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#Sorry #apologies #Narcassisticabuse

When people who can’t apologize say/do something that hurts someone, they love to say things like:

“I’m sorry you’re so sensitive.”
“Stop trying to make me feel bad.”
“I won’t apologize for who I am.”
“I am not going to change for you.”
“Stop making everything about you.”
“I’m happy with who I am.”
“Well you hurt my feelings too.”
“I think we both messed up.”
“Why can’t we just move past this?”
“Why do you have to make an issue out of every little thing?”
“You’re ruining what could be a nice day together.”
“I’m sorry that this is something that hurts your feelings.”
“Do you think this actually about how your parents treated you?”
“Maybe you just need to eat something?”
“I’m sorry you need someone different than me.”
“I think you’re being manipulative.”

Can you think of any others?