Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

My older sister texted me today with some sort of holiday greeting that I haven't yet allowed myself to read. I can't decide what's worse: hearing from a dysfunctional sibling for the sake of traditional ceremony or not being acknowledged at all. Am I glad for select holiday outreach once in a blue moon or am I more resentful that she texts me Happy Thanksgiving in order to fulfill her inner obligatory, "I'm-a-good-sister" voice? Neither is quite fitting. I am not pleased. My feelings skew toward the you-suck-for-needing-a-holiday-to-reach-out emotion. And don't think I don't see your attempt to make yourself feel better superseding a sincere wish for my enjoyment of a traditionally family-oriented holiday. Welcome to my tone-deaf family.

The last time I spoke with my older sister, about six months ago now, I was suicidal. I told her so, in so many words. She said, "that's heartbreaking" amongst other fillers. I cried. She tried to offer brass tacks advice. I showed raw emotion. She showed me her armor--her inability to be present with something that strikes her own childhood pain.

The call went on for maybe an hour. I regained composure. Then the furniture delivery she was was waiting on arrived. She apologized for having to run--the patio furniture needs to be brought in. I said I understood.

About three weeks later, she sent me a text apologizing for her lack of followup. She was worried about losing her job. Though I wish she was more worried about losing a sister, I also genuinely understood her lack of concern.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said. I hear something like, "What a shame you want to die but hope you can enjoy your turkey and stuffing."

My sister follows in our father's footsteps in that he was a sweep-it-under-the-rug kind of guy. He did his best to dodge any real need any of us had. If it hurts, don't touch it. If it's messy or ugly or unpleasant, put it away or close your eyes. That was my father then. This is my sister now.

On this Thanksgiving, I'm grateful that I have the experience and self-care to know when to reject dysfunction, how to discern true compassion, and offer a genuine response deserving of the situation.

Nothing. I share these thoughts to give space to my processing. But I give my sister nothing. As despite whatever message sits in my phone queue, the contents amount to nothing meaningful for me.##

#CPTSD #Trauma #selfcare The sister who cannot see me

My older sister texted me today with some sort of holiday greeting that I haven't yet allowed myself to read. I can't decide what's worse: hearing from a dysfunctional sibling for the sake of traditional ceremony or not being acknowledged at all. Am I glad for select holiday outreach once in a blue moon or am I more resentful that she texts me Happy Thanksgiving in order to fulfill her inner obligatory, "I'm-a-good-sister" voice? Neither is quite fitting. I am not pleased. My feelings skew toward the you-suck-for-needing-a-holiday-to-reach-out emotion. And don't think I don't see your attempt to make yourself feel better superseding a sincere wish for my enjoyment of a traditionally family-oriented holiday. Welcome to my tone-deaf family.

The last time I spoke with my older sister, about six months ago now, I was suicidal. I told her so, in so many words. She said, "that's heartbreaking" amongst other fillers. I cried. She tried to offer brass tacks advice. I showed raw emotion. She showed me her armor--her inability to be present with something that strikes her own childhood pain.

The call went on for maybe an hour. I regained composure. Then the furniture delivery she was was waiting on arrived. She apologized for having to run--the patio furniture needs to be brought in. I said I understood.

About three weeks later, she sent me a text apologizing for her lack of followup. She was worried about losing her job. Though I wish she was more worried about losing a sister, I also genuinely understood her lack of concern.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said. I hear something like, "What a shame you want to die but hope you can enjoy your turkey and stuffing."

My sister follows in our father's footsteps in that he was a sweep-it-under-the-rug kind of guy. He did his best to dodge any real need any of us had. If it hurts, don't touch it. If it's messy or ugly or unpleasant, put it away or close your eyes. That was my father then. This is my sister now.

On this Thanksgiving, I'm grateful that I have the experience and self-care to know when to reject dysfunction, how to discern true compassion, and offer a genuine response deserving of the situation.

Nothing. I share these thoughts to give space to my processing. But I give my sister nothing. As despite whatever message sits in my phone queue, the contents amount to nothing meaningful for me.##

#CPTSD #Trauma #selfcare The sister who cannot see me

What Is CPTSD

CPTSD, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that can result from prolonged and repeated childhood trauma. It is distinct from PTSD due to its pervasive and complex symptoms. Not only that, but people with CPTSD may experience difficulties with emotional regulation, self-perception, and relationships, in addition to the core symptoms of PTSD. Last but not least, the most common treatments for CPTSD include different types of psychotherapy, medications, exercising, settling realistic goals, being kind and patient to oneself, and attending support groups.

Your Daily Challenge:

Today, take 5 minutes to fully focus on one task, no checking emails, no side scrolling. Prove to yourself you can create a pocket of deep focus! #PTSD #CPTSD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

Your Daily Challenge:

Today, take 5 minutes to fully focus on one task, no checking emails, no side scrolling. Prove to yourself you can create a pocket of deep focus! #PTSD #CPTSD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

Im trying and I can feel the brewing around https://me.Im prepared but https://hesitant.I can't keep expecting a different outcome. Could of just let me go or went to therapy with https://me.I don't understand https://that.Professional help, was there.to have done this alone only made it hurt https://more.I am disappointed, the last two years, to purposefully sabage my attempts at saving this life.to try to ruin me, spiritually and to,keep me from https://him.The script, you keep changing, has been flipped for the last time.

Im trying and I can feel the brewing around https://me.Im prepared but https://hesitant.I can't keep expecting a different outcome. Could of just let me go or went to therapy with https://me.I don't understand https://that.Professional help, was there.to have done this alone only made it hurt https://more.I am disappointed, the last two years, to purposefully sabage my attempts at saving this life.to try to ruin me, spiritually and to,keep me from https://him.The script, you keep changing, has been flipped for the last time.