Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

Sigh

I’m just going to talk about this here because I need a place.

A senator from the United States held a town hall where constituents asked about the proposed cuts to health insurance and food benefits. Someone stated “People are going to 💀.” She responded “Well, we are all going to 💀.”

It got worse. It blew up. She put out a sarcastic apology video. At the end she stated "But for those that would like to see eternal and everlasting life, I encourage you to embrace my lord and savior, Jesus Christ,"

It was so distasteful and heartbreaking. This is what our politicians are doing while people are terrified they will lose life saving resources.

I remember during COVID when hospitals were having to make hard decisions between whose life is worth saving. As a disabled woman without children, I would not have been one of the priorities. I remember that feeling.

I had that same feeling when I had to fight for housing. My life wasn’t prioritized. I was unhoused for almost two years.

This has the same hit. I’m tired of the insults by the people who are supposed to represent us. I’m tired of having to defend my worth for basic resources. I am tired of having to explain why leveraging health insurance isn’t going to fix the deficit with people who aren’t going to be impacted by the cuts.

I know my worth. I contribute to my community. I educate others. And I advocate so hard for myself and others to people in office. I am fighting for people who don’t believe they will lose health care, I am fighting for people who don’t believe me, and I am fighting for myself to remain covered. I continue speaking out about what is happening, even when comments make me question my worth and my sanity. Of course I am scared. Of course I am mad.

***Please do not respond to this if what you have to say is “it’s only waste, fraud, and abuse” or by minimizing what is actually happening and under threat. I am done with the misinformation and the rhetoric and the propoganda. If this sounds mean, it is because I am mad that this is continuing to happen and people are still dismissing me (not just on here).***

#Disability #ChronicVestibularMigraine #Migraine #ADHD #Agoraphobia #PanicDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #POTS #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe

I have witnessed love bombing in my parents marriage enough times to know that it is happening again. My resolve is detach all the more this time around. Things fell apart a few weeks ago. My very emotionally swaying mother decided to be done with her husband's antics. Long story short, I saw roses on the kitchen table yesterday. And I know that the trips and outings will come back soon. And it will be as if nothing happened. The lengths to take back his power over her is very sad, and seems violent to me (nothing physical has happened). It seems like she stands up long enough to get back on her knees again. I have no one to talk to about this to, and even in my frustration, I'm forced to revisit themes that don't seem to end. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma

I have a story to tell, and I'm writing it out loud for the world to hear.

I am a survivor of extreme childhood and institutionalized abuse, but that isn’t the real story. I made it; I’m here; I survived. It’s over and done, and I’m still standing. I am alive, recovering, and thriving. That’s the story.

Most people in my life don’t know I have DID, and I can’t share most of these stories; I don’t have tales from university, I have scraps from the psych ward. I’ve lived a movie-of-the-week life, and I’m oft-told I need to write a book (or at least a blog), so here I am.

Here I am, creating my best life, shining the light my abusers tried and failed to destroy. Here I am, funneling defiance and hope and truth into my words until they burst and splatter off the page. Here I am, doing it my way, and writing it out loud for all the world to hear.

Here I am.

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #dissociativedisorders #DissociationDisorders